I had a stroke in December of last year which has left me with no use of left arm and walking with a stick….i cannot come to terms with what has happened to me and am so miserable. If anyone tries to encourage me to find new ways of doing things I can’t stand it because I don’t want to…I don’t want to be disabled and I am.
Has anyone got any advice or stories about their own misery and how they got through it and found hope again?
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@Janis so sorry to hear that you are struggling with accepting what has happened. Acceptance is a very difficult place to get to but I found once I had accepted that things were going to be more difficult then I found it easier to move forward. That’s not to say everything is rosy because it is far from it at times. You are also not that far on along your recovery journey and things have plenty of time to improve yet but you have to work at it.
For me, I take my half hour to wallow then remind myself that it could have been so much worse which gives me the kick I need to carry on. I also tell myself that I can wallow as much as I like but at the end of it all it has just made me more miserable & nothing has changed abd I still have to carry on. I hope that doesn’t aound flippant as that’s not my intention. That is just my way of dealing with it.
I would say if you are really struggling then it may be time to seek some help. Talk to yiur GP as there is a lot they can do.
There is life after a stroke. A different one but we have to make the best of it that we can.
I hope you find a way through that works for you.
Sending my very best wishes.
Ann xx
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Are you giving up already, but it’s barely been 6 months 
I know you don’t want sympathy and you’ve just said you don’t want encouragement, oh and you don’t want to be disabled…who does 
Now can you tell us what you do want and how you are going to get it. Because there’s is no way out of this, you are in it for the long haul. And the only way out of it is to work damn hard at doing just that like the rest of us. You have to take yourself in your own hands and give yourself a good shake…every morning. You have to plough on through regardless of how you feel. Distract your mind from the negative thoughts every time they rear their ugly heads.
Concentrate on improving the positives such as walking with a stick. And work hard on improving them, like walking without the stick.
Keep on trying to do things with your left arm. I know it can’t actually do anything but in order to get your brain to find and establish new pathways around the damaged area. And in order to do that it has to constantly be reminded that there is a left arm on your body to be put to good use. The only way for your brain to learn and memorise new routes. But it can’t do that if you don’t keep on trying.
I know I’m being a bit tough here, I’m trying to stick a virtual rocket up your beam end to shake you out of this. What you do need to establish is whether your emotions are affected by the stroke. But you are going to need to see your doctor about that.
A stroke in the left hemisphere of the brain can affect emotions, particularly in the context of depression, anxiety, and emotional lability. While both hemispheres contribute to emotional processing, the left hemisphere plays a significant role in regulating emotions, particularly in the area of verbal expression of emotions.
Why don’t you spend more time interacting on here; take part in some of the social aspects such as the forum games and brain teasers and riddles. See if you can make yourself laugh more in Our New Funnies Thread.
Just keep posting and allow us to help you over these hurdles 
Lorraine
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Hello Janis,
It is I.
I have just read your post and I wonder if you might be able to help me. I would like to help if you if I can, but in order to do so, I would like to understand a little bit about you. For example, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you want to jump out of bed etc. There are so many things, but first and it I think it will help me to understand you if you would do this for me.
I would like you to imagine that I have come to you and said, Hi Janis, I wonder if you can offer me some advice. Here’s how I am feeling after my recent stroke …
"[quote=“Janis, post:1, topic:43063, full:true”]
I had a stroke in December of last year which has left me with no use of left arm and walking with a stick….i cannot come to terms with what has happened to me and am so miserable. If anyone tries to encourage me to find new ways of doing things I can’t stand it because I don’t want to…I don’t want to be disabled and I am.
Has anyone got any advice or stories about their own misery and how they got through it and found hope again?
[/quote]
So you kindly listen to what I say and it is as above, and then I ask you, what do you think Janis?
What can I do?
What would you advise me, if I came to you with this? It is just something you might want to think about. Imagine, I am the person who needs this help. How would you help me out?
The beauty of this is that it is what you would advise me to do. Then once you’ve done it, I will likely come back to you and ask more questions etc.
Or, I might just say, "Wow Janis, I never thought of that That sounds great, let me go and try it 
So Janis, is this something you might be able to do?
Don’t worry if this makes no sense - it is just something I am trying to run by you in case it does.
You can address them all at once, or one at a time. It’s totally up to you.
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Janis. You sound exactly like my husband who also had a severe stroke last Nov.
It affected all his right side (and he is right handed) his speech, his mood, everything. He is still in a wheelchair and hates the position he is in and that he can do nothing with his right hand.
We all try to be positive and I spend hours doing exercises with him and reading him inspiring info. We have been to a Stroke group and I show him interesting stuff on You Tube about stroke recovery. We have somebody coming next week to screen him regarding going to a gym so we do try.
I wish you all the best and will follow this thread with interest.
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Hello manji
The things that used to make me leap out of bed were…
Taking my borrowed dog for long walks in the forest with my good friend.
Having jobs that needed doing in my lovely garden
Going to work…I loved my job
To be honest I would leap out of bed if I just needed to go to Tesco.
Having a nice meal with a glass of wine was also a pleasure….now wine seems to taste like vinegar and my food needs cutting up for me…
I have tried to stay positive, do my exercises, have fought to get continuing physio, am on anti depressants but I seem to be just the same physically as I was when I was sent home in February and I think living alone isn’t helping..b
I know I am wallowing in self pity and I know it won’t help me at all….quite the opposite …..but I am trying it out for now….giving myself
Permission to wallow
So to answer your question of what I would say to you…I would probably say “I get it, but this too shall pass, nothing ever stays the same and you will find a way in your own time….just dont beat yourself up, it’s ok not to be ok sometimes “
And there you are Manji! Thank you…I have just answered my own question
Thanks for your kindness
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Thank you for answering Trisha….I really wish you and your husband well and better times ahead 
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Hi Janis,
I am so pleased you have answered your own question and if I had needed the question answering I would have appreciated your answer 
I know that if you keep working away things will improve. You have physio exercises that you can work on, if not, I expect you have seen quite a few posts on here about the sort of things you can do yourself - some of which require very little effort (it’s all relative) but if you can find a pace that works for you then you can build on that.
If you having difficulty getting out and about to socialise then perhaps you can keep in contact with friends and relatives via social media etc. Also, this forum is always available to you and if you want to have a whinge and a moan or you want to cheer yourself up, you can do so.
IF are interested sharing funnies or reading funnies, or if you like doing puzzles there are few threads you can follow on here. Also, if you feel you can help others by sharing your own experiences or comparing notes, a little bit like you did here today, then I am sure you will get to meet new people and perhaps it will feel less lonely.
Not sure what we can do about the dog, but is it possible perhaps for your friend to bring the dog around and instead of going for a long walk you can go for a short walk to start with? If you can get in more activity and am aware that fatigue often kicks in and can be a hinderance this will do you good. I believe there is huge benefit in being active and we don’t always appreciate how much good it does for us - all the endorphins elevating the mood.
It’s such as shame the wine tastes like vinegar but maybe you can have a nice cup of tea instead (not quite the same, but still it’s a nice drink).
Anyway Janis, I now know who to ask if I have a problem that needs solving 
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This is so true. I have found myself on days when I don’t feel up to doing things if I get up & do a little I often find I can do a bit more. There are of course days when it just isn’t possible at all but as time goes on they have become less.
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I have recently and happily rediscovered my love for a good old fashioned cuppa. For some reason, a while back I had stopped drinking tea but hadn’t realised it because I was drinking [more] coffee and then a couple of weeks ago I thought there was something missing in my life and it was the cuppa. I am now back to making myself a nice strong cup of tea at least once a day if not more often.
It has added health benefits as it helps to hydrate me ( I also drink half a glass of water before I drink the tea - to counter the diuretic effect of tea), I add ginger to it and I sometimes add mint.
So refreshing, so relaxing and so satisfying. So glad I rediscovered it.
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You don’t need to find new ways to do things you need to relearn the skills you’ve lost. I had a stroke over 9 years ago and I’m working hard onmy recovery. I’m still improving. The changes are small but they’re definitely there. So don’t be despondent. Make a plan! Prioritise what’s important (you can’t do everything at once) and get cracking.
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I do like a cup of tea but I find it leaves me with a very dry mouth so I tend not to drink it. I do indulge in a lemon & ginger tea though. Coffee is my go to drink but I am trying to reduce how much I drink & increase my water intake. I am having a bit of success with this.
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@Janis @pamelai1 This is very good advice as are all the others in this thread.I have just jumped onto our site as I too am struggling today. Feeling more tired and like I’m drunk, but sadly not!
( my issues are balance and fatigue) I had a crap night sleep last night. Possibly because I ate a few of my home made biscuits that needed to go. They have cocoa and I forgot that cocoa has a lot of caffeine. So my mind was buzzing all night and I woke feeling totally washed out! I too don’t like the new me but as @EmeraldEyes says, we are stuck with this and sometimes need to give ourselves a shake and work on pushing ourselves VS rest. This is what I am going to tell myself today and you too. Think of that beautiful brain of yours. How it is working at regenerating through the amazing neuroplasticity which is going on to find new routes, pathways around the damage caused by our stokes. We are unique human beings. You are you. I am me. We will get through this and maybe make new discoveries about ourselves. Imagine yourself maybe learning new skills that you never dreamt of. Being more creative. Imagine the work being done up there in your beautiful brain overcoming the obstacles and building new electrical circuits. Encourage and nurture that growth. Make time for you alone to rest but also to stimulate that growth. We can do it. Sending you positive thoughts Hilary
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This might be a really daft question, but are your saying Pamela that you remember the skills you had before the stroke but just can’t use them?
I remember being told that the stroke damages the brain and memories are lost or something like that and we were told that by using photographs or other memorabilia it might help to get the memories back.
How do I know if I am trying to find a new way to do something I knew how to do, or if I am trying to learn a new skill?
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Yes, I know I knew how to use a knife and fork before I had a stroke. Now I’m trying to relearn that skill.
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Ok, like I said it might sound a bit daft, but I am trying to understand something. I am trying to help my Mum to recover from her stroke but have had little to no success in helping her to do things she used to do before her stroke.
I don’t understand why she just wants to throw things away when you offer them to her. For example, we give her a comb and say this to brush your hair, or give her a toothbrush and say this is to brush your teeth, or a spoon and say this is to eat your yoghurt etc.
All she ever does, is she will take what you offer her and she will proceed to throw it away sometimes as far as she can, other times just throw it down.
On other occasions when we are helping her e.g. to wash her face, she will want to take the face flannel off you and then proceed to throw that away.
I just wonder what she things she’s doing or what skill she is using. How do we teach her or how does she relearn that a spoon is for eating, a brush is for brushing instead of chucking them?
The brain is so very complex
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Ah. That’s a cognitive skill that’s been lost. Whereas I’m talking about the physical capability to do something. I know what a knife and fork is for it’s just that I’m not, yet, physically capable of holding and manipulating them in my hands.
Does that help?
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Yes, I think that helps.
Having thought about it a bit more, I recall Mum being assessed by a doctor from the memory clinic and the diagnosis was she has vascular dementia. I have a feeling there has not bee much improvement on that front.
In the meantime, we shall proceed with teaching Mum things and so she can learn to use the spoon - learned behaviour it is called as I recall.
Whilst all this is happening her brain and body are doing things and making progress but not something we can describe or categorically state with any sort of conviction.
Still we have all the time in the world
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Just a thought; could it be that she’s sick of being treated like an infant?
Teaching your mum to such eggs, is the phrase that springs to mind.
It’s hard I know, trying to establish what she or can’t understand when she’s non-verbal. I remember getting a lot of that in hospital after my stroke, some staff, including the consultant were even speaking too loudly as though they thought I was deaf as well, just because I couldn’t communicate. I get it now, but back then I felt like they were treating me like imbecile.
Lorraine
Hello Manji
Maybe your mum knows what these things are…toothbrush etc. maybe she even knows what to do with them….do you think she is just fed up ? Can she hold these things physically?
If she can hold them and is capable of using them maybe you could try asking her if she would like to brush her hair or her teeth rather than just giving them to her and telling her what they are….throwing them away sounds like frustration and anger to me…what do you think?
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