Lorriane and Janis - Thank you both for your comments. I think you are both right and it is definitely hard to know what exactly is going on in Mum’s mind.
Being treated like an infant may well be how she feels - there was a time, possibly about three years ago when we were trying to help her with the quality of life and self-help. At that time, we had managed to get her to take a comb and a face flannel and she was washing her face or at least she had a little wipe. Unfortunately, this was in the session with the carers and after a while she got bored and started to throw the face flannel and I don’t believe she ever managed to comb her her.
We have had these stop starts but never made any significant progress before something brought the thing to a halt. The same thing with trying to get her to bear weight, we were so close but then it stopped. There is no doubt that having to do this on our own without the “right” knowledge/techniques and equipment has been a major obstacle and the NHS has never been able to support us on this front. Even our attempt to go private with the physio didn’t work out. Mum’s age and severity of the impact of the stroke have all worked against her, but I think from your observations i.e. frustration or reaction to being treated as a child indicates to me there is still a strong desire to do things and so she allows her brain to rewire and get stronger. Physically, six years post-stroke and with minimal physio, she is incredibly strong. Mentally, the attitude is there and so it is a matter of things clicking into place.
Right now, after many attempts, we have got her taking water by mouth 
You may recall, she has been and remains nil-by-mouth and she is fed through a PEG which is now a huge risk because it has been in place too long and has now become buried. That is another chapter intself. But since she now accepts water (she used to refuse point blank) and in fact she enjoys having a little sip, that is another milestone. This gives us (the family) some comfort in that if the PEG was to fail, Mum will at least now have a chance to use her mouth the eat and drink.
It’s hard to say, but being with her 24/7 we do get the feeling the person inside the shell is looking to come out any time soon.
The plateau that never was is what we have proven to ourselves if no one else. It’s just against the stroke and the stroke is not going to beat my Mum. No one has beaten her, though a few have tried
She is so patient with us, knowing we are too thick to understand or help her, but she knows she will steer us through this as she always has.
The emotions are there; anger, calm, joy, playfulness etc. Most of all, the desire to carry on living even in the difficult situation she finds herself in is what is so amazing. The never say die attitude - if only we get a small percentage of that gene we’ll be doing well.
Looking after her can be very challenging, sometimes hugely frustrating, but always at the end of the day she turns on the charm, sings a little ditty and ultimately gets what she wants/needs. In that sense, she is not unreasonable - she knows when we are running on empty and she will wait patiently
Epilogue:
Whilst she now takes water which we started by giving her spoonfuls, but now she has taken sips straight from the glass, she is asking for the spoon but then she still throws it !!!
In her enthusiasm, she has managed to send some of the water down the wrong tube - luckily it is just water and so the risk of infection is minimal, but something we need to be wary off.
