Well, I must say, you are all so marvelous. I cant do it. I am going to have to walk out ( My mother died recently - I cared for her for two years at home with congestive heart failure ). My husband isnt half as immobile as many here are. But neither is he able to walk far. Thats part of the problem. He has other issues I have never met - like personality changes. He is constantly watching me. He has accused me of having another man! I havent been out of the house except to go shopping ( which I now get online to stop him accusing) since March.
His stroke was iatrogenic - a watershed stoke caused by medication in hospital ( all he wanted was a cataract removal) . The decided to treat high blood pressure which they found. They treated it alright - BP down to nothing and a stroke. Then they dropped him on the floor moving him. He came home. He was barely able to walk but was on his feet and then the mental issues started and personality changed. He becomes irritated and aggressive.
He lost half his sight. His visual acuity is below 6/12 now. I cant get him to the opticians to change his glasses prescription. I cant get anyone to come here ( we are not in an area covered by home visits). His hearing has gone - same problem for hearing aids. He sees things that are not there - like the woman in our bedroom last night ( I think he has lucid dreams). He hears things - apparently I talk in my sleep to the man I supposedly am seeing⌠he sees no illogic in this. Yet he cant hear the TV or radio and we know his hearing has been lost.
He then had a second stroke eight weeks ago. Back to hospital where they decided it was a urine infection instead and didnt treat the stroke, so when they realised it was too late. Now his walking has gone again. They catheterized him ( for nothing as they knew it wasnt an infection - and told me so) but now he is incontinent. They sent him home on a stretcher and in nappies - but didnt tell me. I found out when we had a mess on the floor. So, I clear that every day. His irritability is worse but he can stand and shuffle - which is even more dangerous. They gave him a frame to walk with but he wont use it.
He is currently drilling holes, ( yes - a man out of hospital, barely able to walk ) fitting a bathroom grab rail because the one ordered by the so called adult services has not arrived and he wants to shower ( they gave him a perching stool - but he doesnât like it). He had carers - the hospital forced on him . He got irritable with one and then they stopped coming. We got âSackedâ by the carers - adult social services. ( Understandable but it was only one, not all of them. One extra bad day ) I have been doing it since. The stroke team have sent someone in but they are doing nothing other than come once a week. They ask how he is and they leave when he says he is OK. He has a few walking exercises. We do those . His improvement is slow. He has lost his balance. But more than that, he has lost his brain function ( decision making , ) and his personality has changed. This is not the man I married thirty years ago ( wedding anniversary this weekend). They sent me back a wreck.
The GP changed his medication before stroke no 2 and the hospital retained them but now the GP is saying he needs to review them and has removed one arbitrarily - I donât know why as the hospital said the medications were as should be. Why move only one and not the others? ( Its a BP pill - so his BP is going up again). I cant get him to the surgery. I cant handle their tight car park and he cannot walk when I get him there. I was told to get a blue badge but it was then refused. Every day I wake up ( if I get any sleep as husband is up half the night accusing me of various things), not knowing whats next. He spends money on things we cant afford. he is obsessive . Compulsive.Thats before I start on his other irrationality these days. Yet no one sees it or asks about it.
Part of this is my fault and I accept that. I do not have confidence to drive in tight spaces. I cant do DIY. I cant even blow the tyres up on the car. I donât have any family or any one to call on for support. I am sick of spending every day at home alone facing this. I never see anyone. I dont speak to anyone. There is no one. I couldnt go out to any support group if I wanted. Even writing this, I am being asked what I am doing and why.
I am not as strong as you lot. I cant do it any more. I am seriously thinking of just abandoning him and just walking off into the night.
The carers on here werenât strong, theyâre fighters too! If we were that strong, I dare say the majority of us wouldnât be on here at all 
We all have our good days and bad days and some very bad days like yours 
