Lazy rather than really trying

It dawned on me this morning in a moment in which I probably should have been asleep I’ve been lazy. My wife offering to do things and me always accepting and I’m never going to get back to me just accepting it. Only 7 weeks post stroke but anyone else feel this way??


To add to this I’ve not physio or anyone helping me so no one to drive to do anything, just discharged with a little weakness on the right, an issue with speech and left to get on with it. I feel so bad I’ve done this to myself and my wife!

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Hi @garethc970
Seems to me you made a good observation but a poor diagnosis of cause - post stroke I don’t think laziness is automatically where I would start

Perhaps you’re not allowing for the cognitive and emotional changes or the fatigue/ toll of healing all of which are bound to come in the wake of what is basically a near death experience .

You’ll have several months of changes in the brain while the cleanup of damaged tissue is ongoing and compensations are occurring .

You shouldn’t feel guilty “about what you have done” But you do have to be aware ‘of what is happening’ and where there are emerging compensations that you won’t want to be lifelong - then you must fight against them - or at least plan for the both of the pragmatic of the short-term and the desirability of the long term aspirations

Lots of us feel abandoned by the system. Personally I found that what I was told by the professionals was 80% stuff that I could guess at by comparing my ability and aspirations, reading and asking in the forums and searching the internet.

Do you have any speech and language exercises (given by SALT or invented yourself)? Do you do them? Do you have any physical regimes? Do you use them? Do you have any cognitive exercises… EG cognitive I do the hardest level sudoku’s I can find, for salt you might choose to read out loud a favourite poetry book or practise telling jokes or tongue twisters

Now you’re beginning to recognise that recovery repays effort and that saying yes to “I’ll do that for you” is good in the short term ( you probably continue some of it while you’re in the first few months) it’s bad for the long term. So you could be balancing both :slight_smile:

When my wife sees me struggling right handed with something and tries to help I often say “it’s ok thanx, if I wanted it done I’d do it left-handed but I want to give my right hand the chance to be useful”

I find considering how to curate my recovery is a lot about analysing where I am and looking for habits or patterns that I don’t really have conscious knowledge of. An example was that eating my breakfast cereal left handed involves a great deal of wrist freedom that’s disappeared from my right - regaining those movements is one of my current exercise focus.



@SimonInEdinburgh thanks but been really wanting to get back to work asap and realised in this moment that ain’t happening soon if I keep going the way I am


Time to grasp the nettle maybe then?

The number one factor I have found is attitude. Since that’s an emotional response to the world we find ourselves in it’s not fully under our control

anything that we find ourselves enabled to do will help and with help comes progress and with progress comes improved emotions and becomes a virtuous circle



@garethc970 stroke recovery does involve a lot of effort and determination but also a lot of resting too. Finding the balance can sometimes be difficult. You’ve been through a major event & lack of motivation, especially initially, isca common symptom because of fatigue though I think.

I doubt you are being lazy but perhaps when your wife offers if you’re up to it help her out.

You’ll know when you’re ready to give things a try. Don’t be so hard on yourself.


@Mrs5K thanks, I feel really bad after the amount of work I have seen others putting in but I need to remember only 19th December since my stroke hit


And now’s the time to start the work to getting back to work. The way I see it, your brain is rested enough and is letting you know that it’s ready for the next stage of your recovery. You’re going to have to stop your wife from doing so much for you and start trying to do more yourself. Only ask for help when you’ve tried and failed to do it yourself :wink:
You won’t break anything, you don’t even really need physio or OT to make a start on that. I had both and we were still in lockdowns, and to be honest, they were neither use nor ornament for me…but that’s just me.

If your stroke side is working, arm, hand, leg, after fashion then its time to build on those abilities. And you do this by using them! Climb the stairs, if that’s too much just up and down the bottom step. Wash the dishes, put on the laundry, fold some towels, try running the hoover over the carpet, wash some windows, and one @SimonInEdinburgh used to do, sort out the crockery cupboards.

And most important of all, go for walks…weather permitting! If it is outdoors, remember to factor in however far you go, you’ve still got to get back home. So always be sure to back before tire.

How far you go or get with all these sort of activities depends your levels of fatigue. The brain does tire out easily during recovery because it’s trying to maintain its current level of function as well as heal, and relearn all at the same time. Rest when you need to, sometimes you may find you only need to sit for say 15mins other times it might be an hour. You may also find yourself flitting from one task to another. I always saw that as my brain could only take in so much at a time. So I’d start 2/3 tasks at a time and flit between them until they were all completed. I’d wash one pane of glass, start hoovering and a 15min break do a bit penmanship, clean another pane, finish hoovering, wash a few dishes, back to penmanship, clean another windows pane.

If it interests you, try out a gym, use light weights, treadmill, cycling, rowing, etc. It all depends on your levels of fatigue. If you’re over 50 you could try AgeUK to see what fitness programs they are running in your area. The world is your oyster, its down to you to take it back.


Most us weren’t able to do too much that soon after our stroke. You’re just a few short weeks in. You’ll get there when you’re ready.


Definitely do not be hard on yourself or take it as laziness! Even if it is “laziness” the stroke may have caused that, and that’s not your fault! Some days, hours, minutes, even seconds, might be easier than others! I don’t even know if I had a full stroke but since mine I have not been the same person! I have 0 motivation, extreme apathy and anger at times, I’ve even become aggressive at times unfortunately, I even stopped liking some of my favorite foods. It’s insane what a stroke can do to the brain even a mini stroke! It will take time and sometimes some people never go back to the way they were, they become a new version of themselves! It’s hard to cope with an accept, that is for sure!!! It’s very frustrating, but it’s not in your control, all you can do is push your self as much as you can without overdoing it and listen to your body when you need a break! Most strokes happen due to stress of some sort, some stress is obviously okay but know when to stop and take a break! And learn the new you, it may be something you just have to adjust to, and find ways around, and that’s okay! You’re doing your best, the fact that you’re asking shows you’re trying!


Even light swimming!!


@Brit560 sadly never could swim

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Are we getting together m/t/w ?

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Yes Gareth,
I feel so guilty that I can barely do any housework. I feel so guilty at increasing my wife’s workload. I feel like a piece of furniture. Of course, it won’t be like that forever, and I always think of things I can do to even up the balance of work. Up until my stroke we split it 50 / 50 now it’s 90 / 10. I can still do a few things, like I’m still a wiz at navigating, a wiz at setting up her new PC this weekend, and love and moral support. But I wish I could do more about the house. When the swing tips over in the garden with the wind, normally it would be me putting it right. Now she has to do a man’s job. One of the few things I can still do is hoover the ground floor… I use the hoover as a walking stick. Remember, it’s not a permanent arrangement, I keep reminding myself…

good luck, ciao, Roland


Oh don’t you start on what’s a man’s job or we might have to have a falling out :face_with_raised_eyebrow: :rofl:


I totally get that @pando i still hate that i have to rely on my hubby but i remind myself it’s a situation not of my making. My hubby often reminds me that he’d rather have me here in whatever state than not at all.

The balance does shift over time and even 10% of help is i am sure greatly appreciated.

As for the mans job…i used to do loads of them :rofl::rofl:


@SimonInEdinburgh Wednesday ok?

Sure :slight_smile: as a suggestion how about
10 or 11?
Use Thursday’s link :slight_smile:

You pick as my daughter off school so easy

11:00 suit me better

I’ll see you then :slight_smile:


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