I had a TIA at the end of June 2024. I live on my own in a small town on the Western slope of the Rockies in Colorado. As soon as I realised I was having a stroke I tried calling an ambulance which became a comedy of errors. Cell service was down and I had difficulty using voice over Internet protocol. But eventually our excellent, local, volunteer EMS arrived and I was taken to the nearest hospital where it was decided I needed to go to a bigger hospital 75 miles away. I spent five days there and had a stent implanted in my neck.
From the moment I realized I was having an attack until at least ten days after I was in a very blissful almost ātrippyā state - as if I had taken psilocybin. Nothing phased me, I was not afraid at all and I felt very relaxed and was in a perfect, āeverything is cool dudeā state of mind!
I got home and continued my life. Iām a 69 yr old, retired Scot who has lived in the US for 40 years. Resuming my usual activities I immediately discovered I couldnāt type with any accuracy and that I knocked into things and dropped things fairly often. But I considered myself lucky if this was going to be the worst after-effects.
In time I started to get fatigued. I researched that and accepted it as a common after-effect. I just let my brain tell me when it needed rest and I tried to oblige.
Two and a half years ago I stopped drinking after a lifetime of addictive behavior where I would be ādry-drunkā for years and then drink for years. This time feels different however and I began to feel glad to be alive and sober. About three months ago, in consultation with my GP, I started on a slow withdrawal from the anti-depressants Iāve been on for decades - as I was feeling so good. I was midway through that when I had the TIA. Apart from some minor hiccups concerning what doze to give me whilst I was in hospital I finally had my last doze a month after the stroke. About a month ago.
I wanted to ask if anyone has gone thru withdrawal whilst recovering from a TIA before? I cannot tell if the physical and emotional changes Iām feeling are from the drug withdrawal or the stroke? Iām assuming they are a combination of both. My GP and I agreed that I should give myself some time (Weeks? Months?) to see how I feel before either getting back on antidepressants or to change what kind. Or eschew them completely. Iām also starting therapy again next week.
As I said in the heading I have been loathe to enter into the dialog here as I consider myself extremely lucky and feel like an imposter as so many here are more severely affected than me.
@Smudger
Hello Les.
I remember feeling like an imposter (at first) and lurked on this forum for a few months before posting anything. Like you, I felt Iād been very fortunate compared to many others. But over time, a few issues have cropped up and like @SimonInEdinburgh has said, itās useful for others to read about the full spectrum of problems that can arise post stroke.
Coming off long term antidepressants can be a problem for some. To my limited knowledge, it seems many docs havenāt been aware of this until more recent years, possibly telling patients theyāre relapsing when symptoms return full force after discontinuation.
My own experience has been this:
Started antidepressants in 2007. Between then and around 2020, Iāve attempted to come off them 3 or 4 times. The last attempt involved reducing down over a 2 year period until I was down to one low dose tab a week. A month after the final dose, I started to crash (itās always about a month, for me). The main symptoms I had were anxiety far worse than Iād ever had it, crying, restlessness and being unable sleep. These are common symptoms of withdrawal from long term antidepressants . I knew I wasnāt relapsing and had already figured out it was withdrawal. By about week 6 or 7, I went back to the doc begging to go back on the meds. Deep down, i knew that if Iād held off for another few weeks, itād probably all be over and Iād be free of them forever. But I wasnāt brave enough. So Iāve made a compromise with myself. I take half of the smallest available dose alternate days. Itās not even a therapeutic dose but it works for me. Since having the stroke, I donāt think I could cope with withdrawal again so Iāve accepted this is it now for the rest of my life.
You say you took your last dose a month ago. Hopefully you wonāt get any withdrawal symptoms but my guess is that theyāll start soon if theyāre going to. I didnāt have any anxiety when I had the stroke and havenāt had any since worth mentioning. Like you, I was on a bit of a high for a time and fatigue didnāt start until I was discharged home after 2 months in rehab. ( I was probably trying to do too much. I pace myself now and fatigue isnāt a problem).
Anyway. Good to hear from you and keep us updated when you can.
In Colorado, a couple of years back, they enacted a law regarding the use of psychedelic drugs to treat anxiety, depression and PTSD etc. Itās not heavily regulated AFAIK, but you can supposedly only use them under controlled conditions, whether itās an intensive āone-offā or micro-dosing. If I get to a point where I need to get back on something I will definitely look into that therapy before I take anti-depressants again.
But Iām hoping that life-style changes and therapy will help me avoid any need for any drug therapy. Just need to get out there and exercise!
Iām also looking at a motorbike today and if itās a good deal Iāll buy it. In the past biking has always helped my state of mind - just going to the shops becomes a little adventure. But I have some minor reservations after having had a TIA. So Iām getting a small bike that is not fast and is lower to the ground and is a basic āsafeā ride. Iām lucky to live in a very scenic part of America, so just getting out there and enjoying nature will be therapeutic. Thatās the theory anyway
Becoming aware of my new āevolvedā conscience ( ) I find it interesting that my after-effects are not only common or garden but they can manifest over varying timelines. I wasnāt expecting the subtle, personality changes. But I have to admit that they are mostly positive and probably needed! The realization that critical thinking was not a skill I truly employed was very revelatory. Ruh roh.
So introspection is a new experience and just opening my pie-hole and saying the first thing that pops into my mind doesnāt seem to be ok anymore. Who knew you could think before speaking!?
I appreciate you making me feel welcome and helping me understand that even though my experience was fairly mild that I might still have something to contribute.
Hi @Smudger just popping by to say welcome to the community. Youāre definitely bery welcome here & please share your experiences if you want to. I expect the symptoms Youāre feeling are a combination of the stroke & anti depressant withdrawal but iāve never taken anti depressants so iām just assuming.
Hi @Smudger just popped in to welcome you to the forum
Iāve no experience with anti-depressants to offer advise on, but donāt ever feel you shouldnāt post, you had a stroke, a TIA is still a stroke and you still matter! And @Rups might be the one to discuss this with as heās currently weaning himself off them I think, which is why Iāve tagged him in. This is one of his posts on the subject from last year, there may be more if you care to search under his name in the meantime
And exercise is my only drug of choice, keeps me high most days
Aye, I have been on this journey and @EmeraldEyes has shared the link to my experience. I am now a few months untethered to SRRI medication. I did have withdrawal symptoms for at least six weeks, I think. On the plus side, which wonāt be so relevant to you, the absence of the SRRI negative side-effects has unburdened some of my stroke condition, however, I now must revisit managing panic attacks. The positive note for you, is that TIA damage heals, and you can focus on rebuilding from the experience, no need to feel like a fraud, no one here has any reason to have stroke envy
I appreciate that Rups and I found you mentioning panic attacks very interesting.
About ten days post TIA I started watching a TV show on my computer and during a very tense scene I started having what I assume was a panic attack. Iād never had one in my life. Shortness of breath, racing heart, trembling hands and an overall feeling of, well, panic!
I have a friend who is a retired, Army, neurosurgeon so I called him straight away - in a panic. He talked me down and I started to feel better and all he could hypothesize was that by relaxing and watching TV, something I rarely do, my brain was in a state where it could react to having gone thru the TIA days before and he called it āmicro-PTSD.ā During my TIA I was in an odd blissful state.
It happened again about ten days ago. The same situation - getting absorbed by the story-line and then a dramatic scene with a very bad baddy and our hero having a violent, confrontation. I had the same reaction as before. This time it didnāt freak me out as much as I knew what was happening and I stopped watching, made some tea and had a biscuit and in time I felt better.
These after-effects, even after my small TIA, are fascinating to me. Learning more about the physiological factors involved is one of my ways of coming to terms with my altered being.
You have all my sympathy though, as experiencing an attack like that on a regular basis must be very distressing.
Now try watching a few comedyās and see how your reactions are to that.
I had 2 TIAās Christmas day nearly 4 years ago. I was emotionally numb for about 6mths to a year after it. Neither happy, sad nor frightened, no real expression in either my voice or face etc. all emotion was just stuck in neutral and no speech either. On the emotional side, I had to take ques from those around me and by what was being said and I had to basically fake my responses for the sake of social etiquette.
But the first emotion to switch itself back on, so to speak, was laughter. And it was weird because I would laugh at the silliest of things really, including myself with all the daft things Iād do because the stroke did affect all down my right side. Gradually over the first year or so, all my other emotions were switch back on; although speech and voice control . . . aphasia . . . are still a work in progress.
Your TIA was only last June, and the first 6mths sees the most frequent of improvement after that it slows down. So by Christmas it could very well be another story, a better story, a Christmas gift you give to yourself even
The likes of you and I are the lucky ones, TIAās are a warning sign, a taster if you like, of what it could be like to have a full blown stroke. But as my stroke consultant said to me, TIAās or mini strokes, they are still strokes and it could happen again or I could have a full blown stroke. So I thank god for medical intervention and do my best I can to avoid another but nothing is guaranteed. So live for today and look forward to tomorrow, onwards and upwards
To be honest I can barely watch any TV these days. To me itās mostly junk and Iām definitely not in the target audience. Apart from Larry David thereās no funny American TV.
I found myself very depressed yesterday and it wasnāt till I got home that I realised I was sick. Thereās some cold thing going around and I got it. Once I accepted that was what was going on I felt better and slept for 10+ hours straight.
Like you I do feel a bit neutral emotionally. But I was writing to my oldest friend the other day and I was talking about an old Van Morrison song and I started weeping. Lots of memories from that time. I am all for that though. A lot of my life was spent in a bottle, avoiding emotions. So itās good, for me, to experience strong emotions.
I do like a bit of Larry David. My wit has always been acerbically dry, sometimes verging on the surreal. The first thing I said to the doctor who announced the news that I had had multiple infarcts and a stroke was, āJust typicalā, itās probably why I can watch One Foot In the Grave over and over again. I remember once, showing a video clip of a comedy routine to a student I had, she had watched it and told me she didnāt find it funny. I said, okay, thatās fine, why didnāt you find it funny? She said she preferred the television program Friends because she knew when she should laugh. The audience or canned laughter gave her the cues when to find something funny. In Notes from the Underground, Dostoevsky writes, āWell, even in toothache there is enjoyment.ā That to me points out that we can even chuckle at the absurdity of our predicament, even through the pain, there is something ludicrous about it all.
Oh Simon you donāt know what youāve been missing all these years . . . Faulty Towers, Monty Python, Are You Being Served, Vicar of Dibbly, Mr Bean . . . to name but a few
Youāve got to laugh or else you cry, and it is still the best medicine
Canned laughter has always spoilt comedy for me. Monty Python I think did not have canned laughter in-early series. Why someone then added it was brainless. Thatās why their films are so good. Four years on still no real real desire to watch tv. I felt a fraud when attending my first support group meeting, with no physical problems just vision and the hangover head surrounded by folk who had uphill struggles ahead of them.
There was a Buddhist teacher who said, āYou just joyfully laugh at life, and take nothing seriously.ā
My mother laughed, even when half of her mind was gone, on top of her blood disease and stroke. She dissociated from it all at times, and lived in the moment, forgetting whatever the hell happened to her. She was unreal to care for, but a few light-hearted moments emerged over the 21 months of pure hell and suffering.
I just go with the flowā¦whatever life does, it does. I surely wonāt be able to change it. I have control over NOTHING in the end. While I support meditation and qigong, what will be, will be.
