Firstly, I am saddened to read this post.
Secondly, both @Rups and @Janetb have already offered some excellent advice and I don’t feel there is much more I would like to add.
Disclaimer
When I started responding to this post, I didn’t expect to say very much but as I started, I couldn’t stop and I realise I have spoken from my own perspective and how I feel having read the post and how I understood the message/cry for help. As such, what follow is very much a personal view and opinion and it may not be to the liking of everyone who reads it.
I mean no offence, nor do I intend to be judgemental. However, in the interests of free speech and in times when things can be difficult to discuss or say, I feel this platform allows us (me) to do this and so that is what I have done - expressed my raw unfiltered thoughts.
The below is my thoughts on the original lost - they are personal and should be read as such. It is not intended to cause hurt or offence to anyone and if you choose to continue to read this, you do so by choice! < Click to read more >
However, as a carer myself, I feel you should not have to do it all by yourself. You mention only yourself and your husband and so I take it from that there are no others to help share the workload. I sympathise with both of you for different reasons but feel there is an unfair responsibility on you.
As a carer, you must look after yourself as much as looking after your loved one. So it is good you have written this post as a starter to help clear the load from your mind. You are not being selfish and if you feel that way there is something wrong. What you are doing proves you are not selfish and I am sorry people are not recognising your efforts e.g. these people who ask after your husband and not ask you. I wonder who these people are because that has not been my experience. Not that I have sought it, but many people have always complimented myself and my sister for the way we look after Mum. This is not something people tend to miss and so I do wonder about your situation and whether you are surrounded by “unusual” friends and relatives.
Please stop to think about yourself. Stop doing things if you can’t cope - get some paid help as Janet suggests or don’t do it. I often leave things if I feel overwhelmed. So what if the floor doesn’t get swept or the clothes don’t get washed or the grass isn’t mowed? There is more to life.
In closing, when I first met you, I commented on your username
Now I feel this is not such a good thing. I see negative connotations in this and from the way you have been coping since your original post I wonder whether this choice of username was such a good thing. Initially, I felt it was witty or a nice play on words, but having read your post, and I really hope I am wrong about this, I wonder if you psychologically being made to feel “useless”. Like I said, I really hope I am wrong, but now I do worry why you would choose such a name.
Anyway, that is for another time.
For now, my advice to you is look after yourself.
Sorry, but my emotions are getting stronger and I feel I must continue.
The above is all the positives about your husband - how he has made an amazing recovery, back at work, leading a large sales team …
Why do you feel awful? I am sorry, but he seems to have it all (I appreciate this is very simplistic and naieve of me as a non-stroke survivor) but this is not right.
Is it possible you are being taken advantage of?
Does he refuse to do his share of work in his job? Does he tell his sales team he can’t do this or that and expect them to do it?
Does he tell them, he feels tired and fatigued?
I do sympathise with stroke survivors and I now feel bad and awful for saying this, but you @Useless need to have a serious look at what is going on here? It seems to me this is one way traffic and even I don’t feel comfortable.
I very much hope I am wrong and have got the wrong end of the stick.
Please forgive me if I am speaking out of turn, but I very much dislike injustice and unfair practices. Life can be tough and sometimes we make things difficult for ourselves, but there has to be limits …
[In case of confusion, you may have to scroll back up to read the start of my [very] personal response]
I wish you the reader, all the best and I thank you for allowing me to express my views.
