I had a stroke seven years ago and have changed my life completely. Before the event itself I had developed arthritis in both knees and found the pain became unbearable before I had the first one replaced and for a time I was so much better mentally and physically. In this time my family were going through changes themselves and my daughter had moved permanently to Australia. My son now lives in London. They are both living adult lives and have very little understanding of what happened to me.
My marriage became very difficult indeed and my husband understandably found my depression and pain hard to empathise with. He wanted illnesses to last a couple of weeks at the most and coping with long term conditions was something he couldn’t understand. The family kept going onto me about more exercise and weight control….both of which I struggled with. It made them really cross and impatient.
Then I had a stroke. A spinal column stroke. I knew I had high blood pressure and had taken really unpleasant tablets that made me feel slow and heavy and I stopped taking them.
In this time I’d developed an interest in buying and selling antiques so that became something that kept me going.
Long story short. My husband became rude and abusive after my stroke and kept saying that he didn’t believe me and I wasn’t trying hard enough.
When I’d recovered more I left the marriage and moved into our holiday home in Cornwall. I had to or else I felt I wouldn’t have survived. I’m into my third year. It’s been hard in all respects, I struggle every day and am grateful to the friends that I have although I’m afraid of what may happen if I can’t cope. It doesn’t sound it but I am a cheerful friendly person and manage my anxiety and depression. I’m on amicable terms with my husband because I don’t live with him.
It’s been hard at times but the main thing now is loneliness. I moved here knowing no one and have struggled with the aftereffects of the stroke and mobility issues but I can drive a car and have made a small amount of headway. This is a story in the making
@Rosamund welcome to the forum although sorry you’ve had a stroke.
Sounds like you’ve had it tough for a while but good on you for making the break that you needed. It is very difficult for people to understand what we go through & how we feel when they haven’t been through it themselves. My husband stepped up after my stroke but I know not everyone is the same.
The stroke association have some online activities that you could join if you’re feeling lonely. You can find out more
https://www.stroke.org.uk/webform/online-stroke-activities-hub
They also have a here for you service. You can find out more here
https://www.stroke.org.uk/finding-support/here-for-you
There are also local support groups. Details can be found here.
https://www.stroke.org.uk/finding-support/support-groups
Wishing you all the best.
Ann
Hi and welcome to our forum. So sorry to hear of your stroke and that you are having such a tough time. I think you are amazing and very brave for moving away to Cornwall. Unfortunately not many people understand what we go through following a stroke, as many after effects are unseen and people struggle to see improvement physically. I think a high percentage of marriages don’t survive after a stroke. I have read on a number of occasions that couples have gone there separate ways, which is so sad but it’s so tough for families and stroke survivors. I have always found a stroke survivors support group to be very helpful and informative and have met some lovely people who truly understand what you are going through. Maybe there is a group in your area.
As time goes on and once you have settled into your new life, I’m sure you will be glad that you made the move and will enjoy life in your new community.
I wish you well and hope you are feeling brighter soon. Keep posting and I look forward to hearing all about your new adventure.
Regards Sue
Thanks so much. I’ve never felt so alone and people don’t realise how devastating a stroke can be psychological y as well as the hidden physical effects. I am determined not to talk about it to the exclusion of everything else. It’s boring for people if they haven’t experienced it.
I’ve even had a new man friend but that is hampered by my difficulties which have led him to decide he wants somebody who can do more.
As you can imagine that was awful but I gave up trying to explain.
Having friendships affected makes this a very cruel illness.
Thank you for your kind thoughts. Sometimes it feels like losing everything and I’ve been numb. I do count my blessings as much as possible. I’m always hoping that I’ll come out of the tunnel and not get beaten down. It seems t just can’t get worse! This forum is allowing me to be honest about the pain and grief of my broken marriage and the challenges of the stroke. I can say it’s better to deal with it alone with my big furry cat.
Hi @Rosamund and welcome to the forum, this is a great place for support and understanding as we are all in the same boat.
Considering what you have gone through with the stroke, family upheaval, leaving husband and moving to Cornwall and start live and relationships anew. You are truly an amazing woman. You have a strength and courage inside you that you don’t realise.
@Mrs5K has given you some useful support to contact and you should definitely try the Support in your area, hopefully you will find a social stroke groups near you.
Another one to try is Age UK, a sample of their social groups include can be
As you can see there are lots of different ways for you to meet and make new friends. I go to a Strength & Balance class run by my local AgeUK. They actually do 2 classes now, one for the more able bodied and one for for those less able who may have knee issues like yourself or arthritic or whatever and they tend to be more chair based exercise or a combination for those who can stand.
In fact, I’ve just looked it up for Cornwall and here’s the link for your area.
As you say, you are a cheerful friendly person and that’s a valuable asset to have. People need people like you, just as much as you need them! So don’t waste that asset being alone and lonely, get out there and share it 
Lonliness, and big life changes…You and I definitely have that in common. I am at two years now in a few weeks. Long enough to know most of the life changes were actually for the better even though they were unexpected and scary when they happened and for awhile after. A little dose of Duloxitine has been helpful for anxiety and depression, but does not stop the loneliness from creeping in. If I could drive or had transportation, I would be out with friends or joining a MeetUp, taking classes at the local library, or paying for a YMCA membership and hanging out in the pool. You will find plenty of people who move at your speed, either because it is theirs as well, or they have the patience to be a good friend. Best wishes.
Hey!
You’re not alone. My husband has just left me too, I’m having to stay with friends. I have no idea what to do at the moment.
@Louise_W what i would say is take time to process what has happened, deal with the emotions etc. You don’t need to rush into making any decisions. Take stock and then think about how you move forward. One day at a time…things will become clearer in time.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is frightening trying to figure how to work things out on your own as well as disheartening to say the least for someone who should be your partner in all things, jumping away when we need them most. I also lost my boyfriend of 8 years while in hospital. He neglected to tell me, just ghosted. It ended up being a blessing in disguise. I hope that is what you will find as well. I am trying to continue to pay the bills on half the income I had while working. I am blessed to be able to have done it this long (2 years) but I am now at the point I will have to consider using retirement money (which is not substantial) or begging for gifts from family and friends. I have faith that it will work out, just not sure how right at the moment. I am just a couple thousand dollars a year short, but can’t think of anything to cut back further. It does work out, just not always the way we planned it, or forsaw it. Hang in there.
Thank you. I’m so sorry to hear about your boyfriend, oh my goodness. Maybe it’s like what you said, a blessing in disguise. I’m glad you’re able to work but the bills must be tough. Funnily enough, I’m looking for somewhere to live, are you renting a room?
I am unable to work or I would be okay with money. I have a home I am still paying for. At least for now. I live in the US or I would offer you a room. So many of us these days live in multi generational homes or with roommates due to economic issues. My daughter and grandson live with me. The other daughter has just moved out but stays here often. It is nice to have the company when they aren’t hiding in their own spaces, doing their own thing. Grandie keeps me company most. I hope you have special people in your life to share time with. So many of us don’t thanks to spending our lives in the workplace, away from friends and family.
I’m not working at the moment either. The last 3 years have been lonely. I moved in December 2019. After my stroke in July 2020 , then went through all my cancer up until July 2021, I don’t have any friends. I’m back in the UK now and I’m staying with a friend but it’s hard to go back to being normal now after 3 years of staying home and only seeing my husband. I’m so self-conscious now due to my aphasia. I have no idea how to make friends now
Well the very best place to start that journey would be to join a Stroke or Aphasia group local to you. These groups are great for building your confidence back up help show you your way forward. I’m an introvert, I’m naturally quiet and I too have Aphasia. We were in lockdown when I had my stroke but I knew online and phone therapy wasn’t going to be enough for my speech, I needed real people. So the first thing I did when we came out of lockdown was check out what support was available in my area, using the link below and I’ve never looked back. I was fortunate to find an Aphasia group local to me and they are a good bunch of friends to me, both younger and older; maybe you could find one too if you check it below. You don’t need to feel alone and lonely, I’m sure all the support you need can be found if you take that first step 
https://www.stroke.org.uk/finding-support/support-services
Go on, I dare you 
Good luck
I second this opinion. Even if you are shy, anxious, introverted, quiet, embarrassed. I believe you will find the only one judging is you. Just practice saying, “Hello, I am Louise” because likely, those are two things you will be saying a lot of.
I haven’t looked but assume there are also MeetUps in the UK or similar groups of people who get together for certain hobbies, or because they are in a certain age group, or singles, or couples…endless choices. I found those fun (BS) before stroke and have gone to a few since, just transportation issues in the way for now. Quite a few people I have met there over the years have had strokes, including aphasia or chair bound, etc, but still are welcomed and included. Even when the activity involves speaking or dancing. Friends, family, a good support system, activities you enjoy are so helpful.
The beauty for you regarding stroke and aphasia groups is you just can’t feel self conscious about your aphasia because we are all more and less the same. One young lady in my aphasia group is about 28yrs old, she can talk stiltedly and like me struggles with her words; one older gentleman who can only say baa baa ba but he can even get his point across without the use of his tablet and another gentleman with a very bad stammer. Some come with their spouse/carer, others, like me, come alone. Same goes for the stroke groups, and even with mixed physical abilities. With some it’s hard to know they have anything wrong with them, then you discover they still come because they enjoy the company and the banter. So if a introvert like myself can do it, so can you
There also Age UK you can checkout online for anything in your locality. They are a mixed age group of over 50’s and some are younger than that depending on types of social/activities you go for. And they too are also of mixed abilities and won’t judge and can be very encouraging too.
So again, I dare you
It’s so reassuring to know that you understand, that everyone in the group understands. I really don’t know how I’ve only just found this group! Is there anything section for meet-ups and things? I’m not quite how to navigate the website. And I’ll have to double dare you now 
!
I understand what you mean with transport. I’m a bit stuck at the moment, I don’t have a car. I haven’t driven since my stroke and I don’t know if I’d be too anxious.
We do all know and understand and understand because we are all in the same boat with varying degrees of the same condition. It’s why we are here, because no else can possibly understand what we are going through…unless they go through it themselves…and who would wish that on anybody 
How is it for you navigating the internet in general or is it just this site you are unfamiliar with? Is it the stroke/aphasia effects that are the issue? It took me the part of 2yrs to finally manage to get on this site because of the stroke/aphasia effects. I’ve only been on since last March but it has helped me enormously with both my aphasia and physical rehab like finer motor skills of fingers. All the mental juggling and recall of conversations as well as using all the functions of the site. I never did figure out how to ask my hubby to find and sign me up for this site but I got there myself in the end 
I’d say my aphasia in general has improved by about 80% since I had stroke 2½yrs ago and a good chuck of that has been through helping on this site Count your blessings, not your troubles
If it would be useful with your aphasia when out and about, you could order one of these wallet sized (85x55mm) plastic card carries, free from the Stroke Association
Communication card | Stroke Association shop.
Or make your own
I made something similar and found it quite useful, though didn’t need it much as had my hubby with me. I thought it might be useful when out and about but we were in lockdowns at the time and taking in deliveries didn’t require much conversation
But I was pleasantly surprised just how helpful it was in places like the post office or supermarkets even with the postman In fact, one checkout woman in the supermarket recognised the condition as she’d heard on the news about Bruce Willis having it.
I don’t know how useful this might be to you, I just came across it while looking for the card above so I’ve not actually read it.
Ah, but for what 
Thanks for your reply. I do fight off the despair but I find the periods of feeling unwell stop me doing so much. Headaches and weakness a falling asleep all the time drive me nuts. My ex husband still manages to let me know that I don’t try hard enough and I left him so I’ve given up explaining now. Some people have no empathy so it’s useless.
My new man friend has now
found someone else who doesnt get this stuff and can ride bikes and be active I’ve found it painful to endure that he’s done this… He still rings me and occasionally pops down but being happy and cheerful desert me sometimes. I think that the isolation this stroke brings about is what needs to be addressed and it’s no good trying to explain. People’s eyes glaze over so it’s best to keep it short and sharp. I’m joining things where I can take part I hope. Thanks for your kind thoughts.