Relations, Emotions and Stroke

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Hello Forum Members,

I have reached a point where I require some help from independent advisors. As I understand it, independent advisors are neutral and do not have any affiliations, but I don’t know how realistic that is or how practical it can be when we talk about …

Emotions, Strokes and Relationships.

Recently, in the last couple of weeks I read a couple of posts which got me thinking. They didn’t cover new subjects as such, but the fact the subjects come up got me looking for answers for my own sanity because I do question my own sanity every now and then.

I am no expert and that is why I search for answers from others who whilst not necessarily being experts, will likely be better placed than me to answer the questions I have.

One thing that I always think about is:
“Do we on this forum, always think our issues are caused by the stroke”? Is it the case the stroke i always to blame i.e. would things be different if I had not had the stroke?

In simple terms, the obvious answer is “Of course, it is. The stroke is totally to blame”.
But what if, we were to take a step back and think would this have happened if I hadn’t had the stroke?

The “it” I am thinking about here, is our relationships and specifically our relationships with our partners, husbands or wives as you wish.

I will simply ask the question and leave you, the reader to think about it.

The question:
Would my relationship have broken down, had I not had the stroke?
Was I in a healthy relationship or was it already rocky and the stroke was just the trigger that caused it to break down?

Thank you.

Namaste|
:pray:

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Now there’s a question. And one we will never truly know the answer too as the stroke has happened.

Speaking from my own experience my relationship was perhaps going through a bad patch pre stroke. Having my stroke made me think about things differently and my relationship is perhaps now stronger than ever. But did that happen because of my stroke or would it have happened anyway. :thinking: I would hope we would have come through the bad patch as we had been through a lot together over a long period of time.

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I’ve been thinking recently about how stroke has affected my own relationships. My marriage feels stronger, some friendships also, and though maybe it has made me reassess others. It almost feels like it has had a magnifying effect. But my stroke was just a TIA, limited in scope and duration. What if it had been mores severe? Would a greater magnification expose cracks that I can’t see now? Would the challenge of dealing with a deficit have changed me in ways that couldn’t be reconciled? Would it have pushed people around me beyond their limits? It’s hard to know, but I think this effect isn’t limited to stroke, any traumatic event life can put us under increased strain or see other people in a new light, better or worse. In the end we either get through what life throws at us, or we don’t.

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This is the debate I am battling in my head at the moment. Yes I think my relationship was breaking down long before my stroke. I have been just ‘getting on with life’ I guess for so many years living in ‘habit’. Surely it’s easier to just do that. It doesn’t upset anyone, it doesn’t create uncomfortable or difficult emotions and situations. I made a vow so surely I have to persevere and try to ‘fix it’. Made my bed so I have to lie in it?!

Recovery and in particular unraveling difficult emotions and unaddressed issues from my own past through counselling has made me realise I have never put myself first and stroke recovery forces us to do this. Yes we can still care for family members and friends to address their needs but not to the detriment of ourselves.

Without giving too much away. My relationship is not a healthy one. Albeit not violent but cohesive, manipulative and controlling. I know I need to do the right thing and get out of it for myself and my daughter. I just lack the confidence and as you can imagine the energy so soon after a stroke to do this.

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Hi Natalie - Thank you for sharing this.

I am pleased that you are clear in your mind where you’re at and how you arrived there. It also seems to me you are clear about where you want to be which is great to know.

I am no expert, but I wonder if relationship counselling is what will help you to get where you want to be. I understand this needs to happen in a safe and manageable way and you have your daughter and her welfare to take into account as she will surely be affected by the actions you do or do not take.

Stay strong and I am sure you will arrive at the right solution for you and your daughter. It is good to know whilst your relationship is not healthy, it is also not violent or dangerous, but do be careful.

Wishing you all the best.

:pray: