I should have had an interview today but ended up having to email them saying that I'm withdrawing from the recruitment process. I had an interview last week, too. In the interview, I was asked, "tell me something that isn't on your CV?" So I told them about my stroke, during which time my bottom lip began wobbling, eyes welling up a bit.

After surviving a stroke in May 2017 at the ripe age of 44, during which I was paralysed on my right side, not only did I have to learn to walk, but I had to learn to speak again – two things in life I thought I would have the learn just once. Nevertheless, I managed to return to work after only 5 weeks. Admittedly, conversing with people was sketchy at first, but the more I did it, the better I became. My speech is still not where I would like it to be though. My right hand has lost most if its function, too, except for a rudimentary grip. And then I was made redundant in Aug 2018. I knew it was coming but couldn't do anything about it. I took for rest of the year off, spending time with my children, renting an allotment and, as my profession is in IT, studied towards getting an AWS Solutions Architect Associate certificate. I passed the exam, which was a huge confidence boost. 'Right,' I thought, 'I'm ready for work again.'  

Today, I've come to realise that I haven't fully come to terms with my surviving a stroke 2 years ago. TWO. YEARS. AGO. Clearly, I'm pretending that everything is all right when it's not. I felt overly anxious about the interview today and I broke down. So I'm going to reach out once again for further support.

I find the process of writing my thoughts down and the way I feel hugely cathartic.