New to Group


I'm Andy. I'm 52 and live at home with my 87 year old mum who sadly had a severe stroke on the 18th August 2018. After spending nearly 3months in hospital she was moved to a local care home for a couple of weeks and then moved to a more perminent local care home. She has no movement in her right side at all and unable to talk apart from an odd yes and no now and again. her swallowing is now fine and can eat normal food with help from staff or myself if i'm there at the time.

It's been a real struggle as i'm really the only one she has. I have two sisters but they're not that interested.

Hate her being in a care home and wish could get her home but she needs hoisting and care over night so have been put off but social worker. Waiting to hear if i'll be able to stay in home as it's in her name. I've lived here since 2002 looking after her.

Looking for help to try and get her talking again if possible

Hi Andy and welcome!  So sorry to hear about your Mum's stroke. I can understand why the social worker has put you off trying to get her home. My Mum lived at home till the age of 93.  She didn't have a stroke but had severe mobility problems.  I was her  carer with the help of council care as I worked at the time.  As cruel as it sounds, you have your life to live too.  You have had no help from your sisters and have cared for your Mum since 2002.  Your Mum is in the best place getting the best possible care for her needs.  If she was at home, you would be up 24hrs and also hoisting.  One day, your health will also collapse under all this strain - mine did.  I had a nervous breakdown over my Mum.  

Regarding her speech, does she has visits from a speech therapist?  The local Stroke Association should be able to help you with this.  Take care.

Dear Celicar

Sorry to learn of Mums stroke.

My speech was wonky for about 6 months but it just gradually got better. I wanted to recover and did all I could to make it happen. If Mum wants to get talking then she will do so. Spech therapist would be a boost

Please do not even think about taking Mum home. Spend your time effort and money on doing things to boost or cheer her in the care home. You are a valuable and scarce resource. Dont wast all your efforts doing the basics for Mum, when carers are there for her. Maybe you could take her out. Just down the road to start with. 

Then we come to your house (or Mums house). Get advice on where you stand. Perhaps the CAB would be a starting point. Things can differ from one area to another. If its all down to paying the care home, then do not overlook the option of paying one lump sum for a lifetime of care for Mum, rather than a monthly charge. Hardly anyone will use this option yet it so clearly best all round in many cases. Certainty and proper care for Mum for life. 

Good luck



Yes I know in my heart I couldn't cope and have to keep telling myself this.

The stroke association is chasing up the speech therapist so hopefully will hear soon

Hi Colin 

Yes I know deep down she's in the best place. 

She's never been one for socialising and still not sure about her mental capacity at the moment. 

Going to try and get her to at least be moved into day room at least an hour a day 



Hi Andy

I am really sorry to hear of your mum's stroke, and that you get little support to care for her.

As has been mentioned below, you really do need to look after yourself as well and enjoy your life. Maybe your mum staying in a care home for a while longer is the best thing for both of you.

Do you work as well?

Take care and hope you get some valuable support.

Vicki :) 

Good move Andy. Throughout my three year recovery journey I have always ensured that I got up, dressed and sat rather than returning to bed. On my worst days when I slept and struggled and not much else, it gave some structure to each day.

Say hello to Mum. Telll her I am another stroke survivor.She may not appear to register but I think a lot is noted when in the depths of the stroke aftermath.


My Mum spent the last year of her life in a care home and one thing you can rely on is that they want all residents up, dressed and at least eating in company even if they don't want to speak.  My Mum was a bit like yours. She hated strangers talking to her and disliked being in company.  She had a deep mistrust of everyone towards the end of her life including us!  We now know looking back it was the onset of paranoid dementia but at the time, it hurts.  

You never know, once your Mum gets to know people around her and seeing the same faces each day, she may open up and start making friends.  Staff are always aware of residents who want to stay in their rooms all day which is not good for them. It makes the days drag by and depression can soon set in.  Apart from that, it's harder work for the staff if they have to keep popping in to everyone's room all the time to make sure they're OK whereas if they are all sat in the day room, they can keep their eye on them if any problems crop up.

One piece of advice I hope you don't mind me passing on is that when you do go visit and your Mum feels up to it, try and get her into a wheelchair and out into the fresh air. It makes the world of difference to escape the four walls of the home and to see the gardens and listen to the birds etc.  Just to feel the sun on their face and feel the breeze on their skin may sound simple things but it makes the world of difference to the residents.  I know the staff should do it b ut  they are always so busy.

I do hope that at some point she will mix as hate the thought of her staring at 4 walls. She won't even put the tv on at the moment. Definitely want to get her outside at some point 


I just thought I would reply about getting your Mum talking again.

i’m a stroke survivor but volunteered for the Stroke Assiciation for a number of years.

Something I always found useful was that someone may not be able to talk but they can relearn to if interacted with - I would take a tablet computer like an iPad to them, search for pictures of things and say the name of the thing, encouraging them to say it. Do this with lots of things and you will slowly see an improvement. You may be able to ask them questions about the thing or show pictures of it doing something - for example a dog barking. Persevere and then you can ask questions about the thing - is it big, is it small, do you like them., etc.

With regular practice you can and will see an improvement. Many Stroke Survivors regain much if not all of their speech and Mum can too.



So sorry about Mum’s situation. It is clearly hard on you as well. Everyone on here has given you good advice. I would second the comments on getting her out into the fresh air, even if only for a few minutes. She probably feels very low at the moment. Would music help stimulate her? Or old family photographs? I dread ending up in a care home myself and suspect she is probably quite depressed. Are there any treats she likes? I am thinking of sweets and snacks.

You have obviously been close over the years, so look out for yourself too and take a little time out for yourself.


She just seems to be content to do nothing. It's heart breaking 

It's a very sad situation, but you can't see inside.  When things aren't happening outwardly, it doesn't necessarily mean that nothing is happening.  Trust her brain, it's working hard to do its best, and to give her every chance of recovery - this may take ages.  Your prescence and reassurance, will be appreciated, so hang in there and give quiet, steady support.  Tell your Mum you know her brain is doing some re-wiring, and this may take time, regard rest as a positive activity, allowing the brain to heal in the background.

Stay strong, and never give up hope - xx

I live in hope that she will improve as it's killing me seeing her in a care home as it's one thing I promised her would never happen. Just the uncertainty of not knowing if she knows where she is or what's happening. If she wasn't bed bound I'd get her home in a heartbeat as want her golden years to be peaceful 

Hi Andy,

Sorry to hear of your Mums Stroke.

I am going through similar circumstances with my Mum. We are just short of 3 years post Stroke. She was a fit, independant 83 year old. After her Stroke she needed 24hr nursing care. 

I agree with the replies. Don't beat yourself up. Deal with the situation you have now. Just go and visit and have fun helping her fathom out what she can do, trying out new things which may interest her.(Just a little at a time as she will have the post stroke fatigue to contend with) I kept getting told to sing with Mum, so we kept giving it a go. 12 months post stroke my Mum began to sing! It was her birthday and all through the day people kept bobbing in to see her and sang 'happy birthday', she quietly began to join in with them, as you can imagine we were all 'gob smacked'! even her! So we progressed to other favourite songs of Mums and it worked. Learnt songs and phraises come from the other side of the brain that hasn't been damaged. 

Everyone is different and mend in different ways. I can't say this will work with your Mum but anything is worth a try. Mum's only been saying yes and NO for a short time and Still muddles them up but has now started to correct herself.

I find this site very useful, just reading what people go through gives me a little bit of insight to what Mum may be going through in her mind. I am most gratefull to everyone who contributes, thank you.

Hope all goes well with your home too, I'm sure you will be able to get someone to advise you in that department.


Hi I'm new to this site.  My husband had a stroke last April.  He was in hospital until the end of September.  He came home and has been doing well.  I was able to go back to work.  Unfortunately on Christmas Day he had a seizure.  He seemed to recover well from this and was allowed home a few days later.  His stroke has affected his right side.  He also has aphasia and dyspraxia of speech.  He has since been put on keppra for his seizures.  He's been on them for 3 weeks and his so tired.  He sleeps all after noon the goes to bed at 7 ish.  Has anyone else had this or similar experience?  I've now had to give up work.  I feel very isolated already.  

Hi, sorry to hear of your difficult situation, sounds really tough.  The tiredness is a long-term feature of post-stroke and needs to be addresses by plenty of rest.  Don't deny sleep/rest, it's the brain letting you know it's had enough and needs to be given the time to heal and to repair itself.  You will receive plenty of advice, support and encouragement from the wonderful people on this site.  They have come through traumatic times and fought back to regain their strength against great odds.  So keep posting and look out for their replies.  You have taken a big decision to give up work, but it's going to be important that you take care of yourself, this is a long process, and you will need to dig deep into personal resources if you are to support your husband.  Pace yourself, when he rests you should try to rest too - guilt-free rest.  Be patient, stay strong and positive and ask anything you want to know, someone here will always help you.

Best wishes xx 

Yes my husband has had a seizure at the end of October and it did exactly the same. I could not get him on the stabilising amount of Keppra. I had to go up very slowly. I found his walking was affected so I give him the last dose just before bed. 


He is now ok with Keppra and is as good as before the seizure but it did take until the beginning of this month before things settled down. Hope this helps

Thank you for your kind words, I'll try to rest but as you know it's hard xx


Hi, he's on the top dose prescribed by the dr now so hopefully he will start to be a bit more stable.  Sundays seem to be a bad day after the increase in dose on a Thursday. Fingers crossed he'll be ok tomorrow.  This keppra seems to have so many adverse side effects it's a wonder it's prescribed.  I too give the last dose at night time.  If it's not too personal has your husband had any more seizures since being on keppra?

Thank you for your advice it's much appreciated.  X