I know you lot will understand but I am going in for a face to face meeting with work today for the first time since my stroke 21/10/25.
I do not know why I am so nervous! I guess I am just preempting having to explain why I look normal but yet am not up to being at work. (I work in a secondary school if around 1400 students).
I don’t know why I feel so negative about the whole thing like they are going to try to catch me out or something.
No apparently it is just protocol so I didn’t think I needed one but am now worrying. The email stated ‘a long term absence meeting to see what support we can offer you and how we can facilitate a return to work’. I am probably just overthinking and it is going to be absolutely fine.
I’ve just returned to work on a phased return and like you I was feeling very anxious about the phased return meeting. I have been back 3 weeks after having my stroke on 10/9/25 like you I was very lucky that I am now ok. But I’m not and work can see how I’m not. I get tired easily and struggle in many areas. But I cope and do my job. It just takes a little longer. I am at present managing around 15 hours a week. No pressure on me to do more. I’ve asked for a reduction in hours and they are looking at that for me. They know I’ll never be able to do full time hours again. I’m very fortunate that my employer looks after me. Not every employer is the same. My previous employment would not have done this. Did I take a anyone in with me on the meeting. No I new what I could offer them and I also new if not accepted I would remain sick. But it’s worked out well for both of us.
My advice for any return to work meeting is to have a comprehensive list of everything that you think of to support and facilitate your return. They might not grant everything, but if you don’t ask now it’s harder to go back later and say “I forgot to mention…”
If you’re at all nervous you should take a union rep or trusted person with you. There’s nothing unusual about that and it needn’t be seen as confrontational, just having someone to support you, help with your recollection of the discussion and nudge you if you forget to raise anything.
On the subject of recollection, take notes and send an email summarising your understanding of the meeting afterwards. You should get something similar from the employer, and if all goes well they might even match!
Sorry if this is all a bit obvious, but in my experience these meetings can be very daunting and it’s easy to miss things. Which is a shame, as they really should be a constructive experience for everyone involved.
Hope your meeting went well. Where I work these meetings are usual and part of their absence processes. You can be accompanied but you don’t have to be. My advice is just to be honest with them and tell them how you’ve been affected. They should be au fait with invisible illnesses.
I would request an Occupational Health assessment at the appropriate time as you will likely need adjustments to help you return. But don’t rush to return if yiu are not ready. I found it harder than I imagined but glad I went back despite the fatigue that comes with it.
Hi @MrsG16 hope your meeting today went well for you, have been through this as well and went through every emotion before, during and after.
Please ask for occupational health assessment as it’s independent, from my experience well worth it. I know I’m lucky and can manage my day with older teenagers in care, the kids are actually very protective of me just now which is weird bur good. Also look normal too so a few asked my why? Can’t answer that other than luck but take your time and look after you first, good luck wishing you the best of health.
@MrsG16 You will feel nervous because you feel you are going to have to explain yourself to someone who probably has no experience of stroke survivors. Don’t return until you are ready. Take care and always vent on here as its safe
I feel like I have only just recovered as the due to the worry/ lack of sleep etc exhausted me further. My own fault for being such a worrier!
The meeting was really positive and they seemed to be genuinely supportive. I did feel I had to explain/justify why I was not ready yet to begin a phased return and they agreed with me. They have agreed to wait until after my 12 weeks MRI and results before we discuss a return so I have some peace of mind (I hope) and clarity. This does give me a bit of breathing space to just relax and not worry about work.
They have also referred me for some counselling sessions which start tomorrow to help with the anxiety I am feeling about my stroke and my health.
I do feel like I left a few things unsaid and should have went in with a written list prepared but I will make sure I have that for the next meeting.
Glad the meeting went better than you expected. They often do but as these meetings are something we don’t attend regularly we never quite know what to expect. It seems like your employer is being fairly supportive and it’s good that they have arranged some counselling for you. All that should be a big help and help reduce your concerns. A list of things to mention is a great idea because you generally find as meetings progress they they divert around a lot and you forget something that you wanted to mention. Concentrate on your recovery and only start to think about returning to work when you feel the time is right.
Hiya, I think we’ve been in similar boats. I’m back working a few hours a week. I also work in a secondary school - I’m a teacher. I do hope the support continues for you. I really recommend asking your OT for guidance when you go back on phased return. Mine helped me word things and also explain so I didn’t have to keep justifying. It’s not perfect and there are issues but my schedule is mostly manageable because of her help.
This is great to hear that you are getting back into the swing of things. I can imagine there will be issues it’s not an easy job but sounds you have some support there.
I still can’t even imagine going back to the same job. My timetable is crazy. People assume it’s 8.30-3.30 but it’s far from that! Or well you get lots of breaks and an hour for lunch. We wish! Your breaks aren’t your breaks you are expected to keep kids back in detention, which happens more often than not where I am, sort out resources for next lessons etc I often went full days without even going to the loo until I get home as I am sure lots of us do. We have work when we get home to make sure our lessons run smoothly, often to the detriment of our own loved ones. We then work through our ‘holidays’. Yes it is nice to be off with your kids in the holidays but even 12 years down the line I am often working a good portion of that holiday, Easter is usually a right off because of coursework. We put the kids first, put the job first think about ourselves last. I just do not think I can do it anymore at least no where near to the capacity I did. Sorry what I rant. I am sure I don’t have to tell you any of this I guess I am telling myself.
I had a phone call from my employer today to say that occupational health will be in touch for a review then I will have a meeting with the head teacher following this to discuss.
Can I ask, have you been back to teaching long? Do you think you will go back full time?
I wish more teachers would have a bit of a rant about their working conditions, @MrsG16. My wife has taught GCSE chemistry for the past 5 years so I’ve seen the amount of effort it takes, and as a former school governor I saw how close it can come to breaking people. Expecting superhuman efforts day in, day out, is no way to treat such a vital profession.
I am 100% with you. It’s a relentless job - I hear you about the toilet, eating, all of it. I looked up what teachers usually do post stroke and the 3rd or 4th suggestion was to change career. I’ve considered it but I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I wasn’t a teacher - I love it too much to give it up completely. Ideally I’d have gone part time but we can’t afford that at the moment.
HR in my school has been really lovely. She really wants to do right by me and although there’s been some slips in a few ways because they’ve never supported anyone post stroke before, the timetable has been maintained religiously by us both.
I’m back teaching just my exam class, gradually building in Y10. I have a pastoral role so I am also building that in. I have a late start of 10 or a half day and I am at home either for rest on Thursdays or to work from home. I don’t go to while staff meetings or CPD, I do a limited number of parent meetings etc and no parents evenings.
I don’t want to sound pessimistic but I was utterly underwhelmed with Occ Health. I hope your experience is better. The lady I spoke to asked if my job was a desk job. I could have launched the phone across the room to be honest (I don’t have emotional lability… I was just fuming!!) I speak to my OT every couple of weeks on a Thursday and she advises me. The most important thing has been to say “no”. “Can you just take this class today as cover is short?” “No. “ “Year 11 really need support can you just do an extra class?” No. We’re light on break duty, can you…? No.
I had my stroke the day before INSET in September and I was off for 10 weeks before going in for a couple of days then building up to now: 2 half days, 2 3/4 days and a day at home. Before I went back the strict rule was to not worry about work and it was the right thing to do. When I went back everything had ticked over. Sure, some things weren’t how I’d have done them but that’s not relevant I had to, for the first time, put myself first. You must do the same.
I love my job I have had the pleasure to work with some amazing young people and colleagues throughout my 12 years but having a stroke has made me second guess. It does come down to affordability though and there aren’t many jobs that would pay the same (though if you sat and worked your real wage per hour I bet there would be better out there) Plus it would mean starting right at the bottom again when we have worked so hard and that is terrifying especially now.
I am dreading the occupational health meeting. I am sure everyone has felt the same but just sick of explaining and having to justify why I can’t do things I used to.
I think I’d probably benefit more from an early finish I tend to hit a wall early afternoon. I am hoping for a similar model to yours, focus on KS4 first and then slowly pick up the rest. There are 2-3 days a week when I have form class then 6 lessons back to back over multiple rooms. I am Head of Department for Design Technology so have to think about how I will manage a workshop and a kitchen too. How do I support other staff members anymore? I keep trying to just push it all to the back of my mind but i will be back before i know it.
I am terrible at saying ‘no’ but am absolutely going to push myself to do this and as you say put myself first.
Totally get all of this. I asked work what my priorities should be as a teaching HoY, and I keep them on my post it note to come back to. They wanted me to focus on Y11 so that’s what I’m doing. I’m sure your school will think the same.
I’m really groggy in the mornings so I need time to get ready. Then I leave about 4 if I can get a lift, which is mostly working for me.
Have you spoken to your OT about a possible plan for your return and what it could look like?
