You are now in my territory with the MRSA. I did not get pneumonia, (nor do I have cancer). I did have MSSA though (difference is it is not Methicillin resistant, so easier to treat). That was the reason I was put in hospice. All of my organs were shutting down…it might be also called sepsis or staph infection. I did have infective endocarditis as well, unknown if that is something affecting your mom. Once my sister was able to convince someone to replace my aortic valve, I started getting better, but still had dialysis for my non functioning kidneys, liver damage that eventually healed itself, extreme edema due to the non functioning kidneys, spleen damage that is likely still a problem (haven’t found help for that), and on ventilator until after that surgery, then again, when I had some troubles due to swallowing problems that allowed stuff to get into my lungs. I was 56.
I am telling you all of this because it was very, very hard to get back to where I am now. I am still nowhere near who I was, but good enough to at least share love and time with my loved ones.
It has been extemely hard on my daughters, most especially the one who lives with me. I would have a hard time living alone at this point, but am working toward that possibility so my daughter can be free of having to care for me. I try very hard not to be a burden, but for her I suspect it can be much like having no time for a life of her own.
Emotional issues are hardest for me. My moods can be all over the place from moment to moment. I would have been just fine to go to the next adventure, other than wanting to help my daughters and grandson. Same now.
I would not have chosen to take on this very hard task of recovery for myself. But for them, I have.
All of that it to say to you, it isn’t a matter of ‘giving up’ on your mom, it isn’t a matter of her not being valuable enough to hold on to her. It might be the bed, but more likely they are trying to convey to you, how very hard the work is to recover, and that they truly can’t know how much or how little she will recover. They likely want you to think about what she has taught you about herself over the years. Is she a life-loving person, who has been quite active before this, someone who will fight? Does she believe in the ‘glory of heaven’ and looking forward to meeting her Savior? No doubt at all in my mind, if hers is working, she is thinking of you and siblings. If so she is worried for you, and in recovery she will have some emotional issues (almost without doubt) Am I a burden to my children? What am I here for when I can’t do anything much? Would it have been easier for everyone if I had just gone?
Doesn’t matter if those things are ways people should feel, it is often how they do feel. I still sometimes ask myself those questions.
I am so sorry as I know you will see this as harsh. I thought you would like me to be as honest as possible.
Is mom still under sedation at times? Is she able to communicate with you in any way? Perhaps it would help to list all signs of hope you have and all questions you have about her status and differing health issues, and keep them for the doctors rounds as well as send a copy through the nursing staff so the doctors will be ready to answer your specific questions.
This is so bad words painful. My heart is with you. Please don’t take my words to mean I think there is no hope. I don’t know. But as much as you can, with the best information you can get, ask yourselves, what is the best we can do for mom.
