Fear bewilderment vulnerable detached isolated hidden and hidden stroke symptoms. Dropping out of society and missing in action. Found and lost at the same time. Alive but not living. Not seen not doing not as before. Bed now a main state of the day. Sleep for weeks no chores no to do list no need no how why when who what where. Just bed pain upset sleep no sleep … repeat. Brain won’t process beyond that. Blur … worry blur … more fear stay in bed … don’t move …close eyes … keep sleeping… Must phone queue GP … maybe next month. This is my reality …Sink or swim
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Hi Eboni
I’m sorry you have found yourself in such an awful situation. The gals and guys on this forum are understanding, kind and supportive. Members of the community have written a welcome post that I hope you find useful.
You can find it here
@KGB I think this lady needs one of you polar bear hugs 
Please reach out to us, we are here for you.
You are not alone
hugs
Lea
PS There is an online Zoom cafe that runs every Thursday from 1pm where members come to chat, rant, rave, laugh and cry. This is the link https://bit.ly/StrokeThuCafes.
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You needn’t be alone.
The number below will help you to access to the resources and help offered by the charitable organisation that provides this Forum:
The Stroke Helpline on 0303 3033 100
. . . and this link below gives some information that you might find useful:
The Stroke Association aims to support those affected by stroke.
They have been kind and helpful to me.
Approaching them is a good step to take.
I had a stroke more than a year ago.
It is a horrible experience but there is good reason for hope.
May your future look brighter soon, Eboni
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@Eboni hI Eboni, sorry to read your descriptions of your problems, but it does give hope. It shows that by writing down your feelings you know what needs addressing and putting right. Speak to your GP or occupational therapist or whoever you have contact with and ask for help. Please don’t despair because there are people who can help you to overcome your situation. I’m not a medical professional so I can’t do that, all I can do is offer my sympathy and a virtual ((hug)). Best wishes, hope you get help soon x
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Hi @Eboni
Hello
As everyone above has said welcome and you are not alone.
The first few weeks / months are going to be a proper fog I’m afraid.
So sorry you’re on this journey. I am 10 months in from 3 ischemic strokes and it is hard for my friends and family and me!!. but there are good and bad days!
Keep talking to us and I hope you will find lots of empathy and understanding on here.
Kieran
Here is a picture of a polar bear to cheer you up!! As per @BakersBunny !!
K 
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Those words speak to me. This is not what we are meant for. So what purpose do we now serve? That’s the riddle we must uncover. Find a reason for living, and slowly work on recovery. That’s our purpose ; to recover. It will please God, yourself, and hopefully someone else who cares about you.
Good luck, Roland
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Eboni: so sorry to see your struggle and we welcome you, a community that shares this awful thing we have to deal with, and our sharing can bring hope and support. I can’t imagine doing what you are dealing with alone. You are so articulate and descriptive. You seem to have cognitive strength and that is so important. How far along are you? Can you tell us what side was affected and if you have some movement? Share some more details if you can. We are listening, wishing you the best, and I am praying for you.
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@Eboni sorry to read of your struggles. Life post stroke is difficult but I think all of us would say that given time & patience things improve.
The Stroke Association offer a Here For You aervice where you can talk to somone in a similar situation to yourself. See link.
Do you have any friends or family who can offer some support?
Reach out on here for advice and support if you need it.
Sending my very best wishes.
Ann x
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Eboni you are now amongst us, who want to share your struggle.
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I tried to reply to you, Eboni, but right now, I just can’t. Much like calling your GP. Seems so easy, but it isn’t at the time. I will reply soon, but please stick around to get some of the support you need. We do care, and we do understand.
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Shwmae @Eboni, in the depths of the mind fug it can feel as you have expressed very well, in moments as you have described, I spent a lot of time focussing on the smallest of pleasures, and often sought reprieve from senses like touch, sound and smell. I am to believe that doing this is a grounding technique. From the get go, post stroke, I rediscovered aromatherapy and music. My partner says that I pamper myself more than most of her female friends. This pampering I do is to soothe my mind, and settle periods of anxiety and fear.
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Hi Eboni
Sorry you are feeling like this I can totally relate to how you feel. I do get out of my bed every day but if I had my own way and lived on my own I would hibernate.
I have finally made an appointment to go and see my doctor about my anxiety it has taken me 8 months to build the courage to do this. You will get there i promise.
People tell me I need to be kinder to myself and stop putting so much pressure on myself.
I am sending you a big hug take one day at a time and mark every achievement wether it be with a bar of chocolate, cake or a glass of wine xx
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Big hugs I know the feeling two years today since my stroke my sleeps all over the place … it’s difficult every day just got to be positive or keep trying…
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I don’t understand how we are abandoned like that. Either of us. It’s sink silently culture. It’s like professionals see it as a non event. It will pass go home. Thank you for acknowledging because I just feel like I’m a burden and of leave of my senses/mad. I’m lost in space. The world has spit me out. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m a grown woman with life experience/solutions. I have absolutely none for this level or situation. Seems like there is none but sink silence shoooo sleep suffer
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Don’t listen. Those voices in your head…they are nonexistent. They are a burden, They are worthless. They want you to be as useless as they are. You are not mad in the mind, but you should be angry, with the voices, with the world that doesn’t know what to do with you, so they just leave you, rather than try to figure it out and to help.
I don’t know how many of us have had to make phone calls and inquiries online to find the help we need, or stumble onto it in some other way, but I have been one. I also do not know most of the helpful information regarding benefits for help in the UK. I am in the US and am more familiar here.
I also don’t know how long it has been for you. Two years for me. Things seem to be beginning to come together much more at this point, but not to the point of getting back to a job, or driving. To a place where I can be up and moving, but rest when I need. I can do some chores or plan a bit. I can enjoy my life now where I didn’t much in the first year.
Please don’t let those thoughts lie to you. You are worthy and useful and there is a reason you are still here, in whatever condition you are in. I don’t know what your condition or your purpose is, but I suspect you will find it as you recover. You write a bit like a beat poet. Your words have touched me because you could say exactly how I felt when I wasn’t able to get words out to describe. Perhaps you are here to remind me how far I have come, because I often forget what I can do, in the midst of what I currently struggle with.
Thank you for being here, Eboni.
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Hi Eboni
Good that you reached out to this community.
Most of us have been where you are now and remember what it was like.
Being alone to deal with it is an extra burden .
I am 14 years down the road since 30th october 2009 when I had a small stroke which changed my life forever.
The first two years were especially difficult with feelings similar to yours and like you I was alone to deal with them.
I can remember the “sink or swim” conversation that I had with myself.
You will move on and I wish you luck .
There is always support from this community.
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thanks for sharing, it is inspiring and gives hope to noobies on the scene like me. I’m sure I’m not the only one who values what you have to say.
Keep on keepin’ on
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Hi Eboni your post was so saddening and heartbreaking I just want to give you a big hug wherever you are 
and what you’ve written is exactly how I felt and I’m sure most of us on here!!!
Also it’s so devastating it can’t really be said the way you feel put into words!
But I’ve been having a phone call every week we started 8 weeks ago from the stroke association give them an email they will put you in touch with someone like yourself or with someone similar who has been through what you’re experiencing and you can chat for a little while every week it’s was helpful to me and I hope they can help you too? It’s worth a try!!!
Take care 
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Hi I feel for you as we all do on here so you are in the best company no one understands like us who have all had strokes
Mine was in Feb this year and I felt same as you I live alone and I was brought home with the knowledge that ot and physios will be there within couple of days
I was left for 6 weeks until ot came to see me .
I was very anxious, and depressed just staying in bed resting
So I decided that only me can help myself so I talked to my dr and physios and decided on a plan I now work one day a week at st roccos charity shop and I love it
But when 8 get tired I have to rest otherwise I start feeling dizzy and headachy
Im just telling you this to encourage you that there is a good life to lead after stroke although it’s different I call it my new life
So onwards and upwards sending love
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