Okay…so my wife and I went out yesterday and we did something that we very rarely do, and that was to have a small meal out.
Now, my tummy is awful at the best of times and anything out of the ordinary I will never try, not unless I’m near or in my own house, which is frustrating, especially for my wife who I know would like something different to fish and rice which is all I eat most of the time.
Anyroadup as they say in my part of the country, we stopped, sat down, my wife went to the loo and the girl came while she was gone and I did the order.
My wife came back and the food arrived and she said, “What have you done?”
I said, “Why?”
She said “you’ve ordered smoked salmon, Hollandaise sauce and salad with dressing”.
I said, “I thought I’d ordered scrambled egg and a nice cooked piece of salmon.”
She said, “You’re doing my head in, you’re not supposed to eat eggs, these are poached. You’re not supposed to eat savoury or rich sauces because you say it hurts your stomach, and you’ve ordered bloody smoked salmon!”
I said, “I thought it was nicely cooked salmon…I didn’t realise it was raw.”
She said, well it’s smoked, but more or less raw. You amaze me, I can’t get my head around it."
Anyway, we both really enjoyed it! And my stomach was fine 
But I still think I ordered scrambled eggs…
So the question is - what funny thing have you done when ordering from a menu?
Write your funnies below! Take care, John aka Bert
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It’s not ordering from a menu, but I’m a very picky eater…
In my mid teens I went on holiday to Rimini in Italy. Lovely place but I don’t eat any Italian food, pizza pasta etc, so I basically lived off chips and English food I could get my hands on
Then during the 90s when I was a cost administrator, all the regional office staff for my company went to a lovely Chinese restaurant in cheadle nr Manchester for a massive Chinese buffet. I don’t like Chinese food so I ate just chips the whole evening! I was never invited again!
Gotta say, I don’t know how my wife puts up with when it comes to food and when we go shopping! 
Old codger now, 74 became vegetarian aged 18 Have wonderful long suffering wife. Afew years back out Christmas shopping wife says you happy with cheese& onion pastie take-away.Traveling home say to wife what was your pastie like ? As I chew on mine, very nice she says. I’m having a bit or resistance chewing mine then retrieve a lump of gristle jammed between teeth, examine the contents of my remaining pastie not good full of carrion yuk🤮
Remember from Sunday school what Jesus said
“ It’s not what you put in your mouth that defiles your body,…… but what comes out 
So held my tongue.
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Yes you’re right there, @Pds or you’d have ended up mincemeat probably
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When I was 15. Me and my parents went to lloret Costa brava our first holiday abroad and my first time in hotel. Meal times were help yourself. Got my plate and saw what I thought were onion rings, so filled my plate with them and another things, sat down and started tucking in. Urghhhh!!!
Not onion rings at all but squid. Safe to say the first and last time having squid. It was like eating a bicycle inner tube!
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Mmmm, yummy battered bike inner tube😂 @stokiejoey
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