Isnt it sad that when something like a stroke happens how your friends are nowhere to be seen. We have had the odd I will call this weekend etc and then the call/visit never happens. I understand that they may feel awkward and think that they will not know what to say. But If you spoke to Alan most of the time you wouldnt even know that he had had a stroke.
It can be very lonely.
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It’s such a shame when that happens. I’d much rather people just didn’t say anything than say they’ll visit then don’t.
Thankfully the friends that matter to me have been very supportive through my recovery journey.
Sending a little hug 
Best wishes
Ann
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So sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely.
Sadly, this seems to be quite common. As you say people often feel awkward and dont quite know what to say. I have been very lucky and blessed with great friends of some 40 years who have been very supportive and we socialise regularly. It’s early days and hopefully your friends will realise that Alan is still the friend he has always been.
Best wishes
Regards Sue
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If they just took the time they would see he is still the same old Alan just a bit more forgetful.
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That’s a shame. Hopefully you have a few good friends who have hung around and continue to support you and Alan. Have you tried being the one who initiates contact?
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For me its been the opposite. My hubby and I are quiet folk with lots of family love and support. But over the journery to my recovery, I seem to have gained so many friends, I have to pigeon-hole them into groups in order to track 
I used to be so quiet, this stroke seems to have changed me in some ways. Not that I’m complaining, it certainly beats the housework:laughing:
Maybe what you need is to find some new joint interests to do together. Have you sourced out your local stroke group, AgeUK is another one.
But as @Janetb says, sometimes you have to be the one to initiate. They might be feeling they would be in your way, taking up too much of your time. So maybe phone a few up and invite them round for coffee/lunch/dinner and a catch-up, either at home or somewhere local. Nothing ventured nothing gained as the saying goes.
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Yes I have tried asking his friends over and they all say yes but then dont turn up.
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I would definitely recommend attending a Stroke Survivors support group.
We joined a weekly support group local to us through the Different Strokes website and found this to be very helpful and informative. We found that speaking to people who have suffered a stroke and their families was worth it’s weight in gold. The group organised a night out at Christmas and regular gatherings which were enjoyed by everyone. We met some lovely people and learned so much. The group was attended by people from 18 to 70, so there was something for everyone.
I hope you find something local to you as I’m sure you would find this very beneficial to both of you.
Regards Sue
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Hi @Sonia158
I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through with your friends at the moment. It can be lonely for all involved after a loved one has had a stroke.
The stroke association offers Online Activities which is a great way to meet new people and socialise, this might be something for you to consider. You could also try local face to face support groups if you put your postcode in it can find all the groups local to you.
Anna
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Is Alan getting out much himself with you, for anything other than medical appointments I mean? I thought maybe you could just pop in on a friend on your way home from somewhere, sort of thing.
I would definitely try the stroke group, AgeUK, and any other local social group you may have in your area. Don’t allow this isolation to set in, if you’ve made the effort with friends and they are still unreceptive then that is their loss not yours. You move on and make new friends who will be much more accepting of you both as you are, because they’ve never known Alan any other way. There is value in true friendships out there, you’ve just got to take that first step.
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Dear Sonia, I think sometimes people are shocked when they hear that you / or your loved one have suffered a stroke and like you say people might feel awkward and not know what to say etc. You and Alan have each other - lots of hugs and chats and reassurance helps. When I suffered my stroke I actually didn’t want to see anyone except close family - I think I was in shock! A year on, I feel differently, but I think having had a Stroke and seeing how friends / people react to you - it’s an eye opener. Like others have mentioned in the chat you realise whom your real friends are.
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Unfortunately I know what you mean about absent ‘friends’. 
Saying that I’ve tried really hard to keep in touch with a close friend following her stroke and she keeps pushing me away. 
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luckily we do have each other. We have had a good week. We had a Teams meeting with Occupational Health set up by his employer. Doctor conducted several tests on Alan and the call lasted for about an hour. He said that Alan was on the road to recovery and it make take a year or it may take 2 years but he said that he will improve significantly and will advice the college where Alan works that he is confident that Alan will return to work. He will set up another Teams meeting for January. He did say to us several times that it is early days.
We also had a meeting yesterday with stroke psychologist who will try and see what is available for not only Alan but also myself. On the whole I am feeling good.
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That sounds very positive and glad the occupational health meeting went well. It really is early days. I think we all hope things will move a lot quicker than they do but we soon learn to be more patient.
It took me 18 months to return to work so every reason to hope that Alan will but take as much time as needed & don’t be tempted to go back too soon.
Best wishes to you both.
Ann xx
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How was it when you did return to work, did you start off staggering hours and days?
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Hi Sonia, so pleased to hear that you have had a good week and you are feeling more positive 
.
Be patient and be kind to each other.
Best wishes to both of you.
Regards Sue
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I returned to work on a 12 week phased return. Initially working 2 hours 3 days a week & increased from there. I won’tue it was harder than i expected & the fatigue was awful but it did get easier. I never made it back to full time & now work 28 hrs a week. This gives me each Weds off so I can recharge & get through reat of week.
I have many adjustments in place. When Alan is thinking of returning have a look at Access to Work as they can help with adjustments.
Best wishes
Ann
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Hi Ann, well done you for returning to work. Luckily Alans employer will readily make adjustments when the time comes.
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That’s great that Alan’s employer will sort adjustments. I was lucky in that respect too.
Getting back to work was very hard but it has many benefits & is very good for my morale/mood.
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