@Clairekirby1990 , your welcome. Hope you and your family are well. 
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Thank you. All getting there
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@Clairekirby1990 , good. Good for you.
Of course nothing is certain in life, but it is often said that “time is a healer” and I believe it really is. Time coupled with your love for Steve will get you there.
It is something we sometimes forget under these circumstances, and I am sure it must have already been mentioned by one or more of the wise heads that respond on this forum, but I should like to add, perhaps as a reminder to you that although Steve does need you to help him, you need you more then he needs you!! Please do not forget to look after yourself in all this.
You must love yourself - this might sound daft, but it is not. You must be good to yourself if you are to be good to others, you must love yourself if you are to love others. Without you, there is nothing! Think about it - you don’t have to agree, but at least try to think about it.
You are not alone - look in the mirror and you will see, you are not alone 
Give yourself a hug !!
With love and hugs
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A lot of what you say about Steve I can relate to, there’s a lot of similarities to how I was after my stroke. Certainly with the Expressive Aphasia (Broca’s Aphasia), I also had dysarthria.
Have a read of this Loss of interest in everyday activities (apathy) | Stroke Association and so read through this, it’s not all going to apply to Steve but I bet he’ll recognise some of it.
**being conscious of or sensitive to others can be heavily affected by a stroke **
. Brain damage can alter empathy, social awareness, and emotional regulation. This change often stems from physical injury to specific regions like the frontal lobe or right hemisphere, leading to noticeable shifts in behaviour.
How Social Awareness Changes
- Loss of empathy: Damage to areas like the right supramarginal gyrus or anterior insula can reduce the ability to share or understand the feelings of others.
- Missing social cues: Survivors may struggle to read facial expressions, body language, or the tone of a conversation.
- Impulsive or blunt speech: A lack of social filter can cause someone to interrupt, speak too bluntly, or make tactless comments without realizing the impact.
- Spatial or personal neglect: Damage can cause a person to physically overlook people positioned on their affected side, appearing as though they are ignoring them.
- Self-centred behaviour: Frustration, fatigue, or cognitive overload can make a survivor appear unusually self-absorbed or demanding.
Underlying Causes
- Brain location: Strokes in the frontal lobe or right side of the brain frequently alter social conduct and emotional processing.
- Fatigue and overwhelm: Constant tiredness or difficulty processing busy environments can make social interaction overwhelming, leading to withdrawal.
- Communication barriers: Conditions like aphasia make expressing and receiving thoughts hard, which frustrates social engagement.
So have him read through it too, though that might take a while as it’s probably too much information for him to read. His trouble is he can’t explain any of this to you, because of his aphasia. There’s also the brain fog and lack of cognition etc he has to contend with. You could say I did bugger all that first year post stroke, because anything I did do could be measured in minutes.
It did build up over a very long time but I didn’t really do anything independently, my hubby and adult children were my voice. I remember my sister wanting me to join a bowling club or golf, or even a book or craft club to get me out and talking to people because she thought it would speed up the process for me. Every week she nagging about it. I couldn’t give two hoots about it, peopling was definitely out, even tv and reading were out. Oh I did all my physio and mental exercises, but like I said, they could be measured in minutes for the time I spent on them.
It was about 18 months after the stroke before I really got going. By then I’d also lost 3 stone in weight purely because food did not interest me. I either I couldn’t taste a thing or it tasted foul. So I tended to stick with what I couldn’t taste. Taste did creep back in over the first couple of years. By which time I’d signed myself up for strength and balance classes and joined my local Aphasia group and never looked back. But I’ve still no intention of ever taking up bowling 
That was at about 18 months into my recovery. The Aphasia group was an enormous boost to my confidence. He’s watching TV, believe it or not but that’s a learning device to his brain. I couldn’t even cope with that at 10 months, so he is doing well, he is progressing.
But none of what I’ve said is a coping strategy for you. Yes, it’s reassurance, but it doesn’t help you with the day to day activities. You’ve lost your partner, but he will be back! You’ve just got to hang in there. His brain just hasn’t done enough repair work yet to cope with much more. And this heatwave will not be helping him at all! We’ve had a very long hot and dry summer and that will be sapping an already very drained brain. And maybe you’re fretting a bit too much. Which is understandable with the kids being off for the summer and not having your partner help share the load. I can only say is you hang in there. I think you’re stressing yourself over thinking. You can’t get inside his mind and read through it. So take a step back for now and try to live for you and the kids for now. And keep offloading here for the sake of your own sanity
Lorraine
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Wow thank you for all of this Lorraine.
I think alot of what you have said is spot on with steve. He does watch loads of tele.
We didnt have a little walk earlier with our son.
The stroke association was outside asda today and they were talking to steve, saying he looks really good but coming out to the shops with me.
He wont do it on his own though. Xx
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Neither would I do anything like that on my own. Apart from anything else, I just didn’t trust myself. Even once I could return to driving I would only drive with my hubby or mother-in-law beside me for first few months. My family soon noticed that, when I did start going out alone, either walking or the gym, I’d forget to come home. They started phoning me to check where I was 
But Steve is just not ready yet, and don’t push him because you can’t anyway. It’s really not about lack of confidence or being self conscious or even just about being lazy. There’s a whole set of mechanisms that have to be in place before that can happen. You try sending a toddler out to go for a walk by itself. You just wouldn’t would you. That’s because their brain isn’t fully developed yet with things like cognition, awareness, motor skills. Steve is in a similar boat, just as I was and most other survivors on here, not until those damaged mechanisms are repaired. And that day will come! You just have to be so patient in the meantime and keep checking in with him to test his limits 
Lorraine
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Thank you once again Lorraine.
Just my parents keep saying I should try to get him too do stuff on his own but he will do it when the times right.
Hes very slowly getting there
I see improvements but he doesnt at all.
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My sister was just the same, they get impatient, they want you to run before you can walk and that will never happen until the brain’s signals are reconnected to do that.
Maybe you should show them these posts, it might give them a better understanding. You can’t hurry it, I’ve tried, the brain just shuts down, it really is as stubborn as a mule. It must be so heartbreaking for his parents, because, no doubt, he looks perfectly normal on the outside. But what he really needs from you all just now, is to just him and accept him as he is for right now. Children do a much better job of that than adults do.
Lorraine
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Its my parents who have said it.
I said I cant force it.
I might show them these posts.
His mum died from stroke and she deteriorated loads but she was 80
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Just thinking out loud here, so please feel free to ignore
Sometimes, I wonder if we ask too many people for advice and then having received the advice we don’t know which to follow?
I know you didn’t specifically ask lots of people, but the fact is this post will be read by quite a few people and possibly quite a few will offer advice and this may be different depending on who is offering it and how they understand the situation, what their experiences are etc. And each of these will be perfectly sound advice but because they are different how do you use them or can you use them. What if they are conflicting pieces of advice, one say left another says right?
Crazy isn’t it?
But I am thinking out loud because of what you say - you say your parents are
This makes me think that perhaps your parents know something we don’t - parents are often very wise people (just a comment or observation).
And so thinking on from there, if your parents have ideas that they think might help, and why should they not? After all, they do know your husband Steve and so it is possible they know what might work for Steve.
So if I was you, I’d ask Mum and Dad, “Hey, what is it you think we can do to help Steve?” Let them explain what they are thinking of. You don’t have to force it - allow them to do it, or let them show you how.
This works for me because a) it gives Mum and Dad to get involved and Steve may like that and b) I have helpers which gives me some respite.
I have no idea about the availability of your parents and whether they can help out in the care and rehab of Steve, but how wonderful would it be for everyone if this was possible and if it were to happen?
We often see comments on here, saying “family and friends don’t want to know us” which of course is sad, but if they do and want to be involved, I would suggest there is nothing better.
Like, I said at the start, this is just me thinking out loud and it may be of no relevance to the help you seek. It is not at all unusual for me to get hold of the wrong end of the stick or burn my fingers.
Regardless of what this may or may not mean to you, I note there has been, as there often is a wonderful response from our membership and I am sure you will find something that will help you.
All the best.
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Reading through posts from those here with first hand/living experience gives you a much better insight and perspective than any text book or doctor’s knowledge on the subject. I remember when my family came to visit me in the weeks and months after my stroke and I think it must have been so surreal to them. I looked so perfectly normal, until I tried to speak or walk or lift a cup of tea to drink. It takes some getting used to because they’re not living with it day to day.
If your parents think way back to when you were a baby and said your first word. Then think of how long it took to produce your first simple legible sentences. That is where Steve is at right now and how long it will take. But he does have a head started over babies because he already knows and understands language and vocabulary etc. So he has all the knowledge, its just the mental process and procedures and mechanisms to produce the words that his brain needs reconnect or failing that then reroute. So it still does take years to learn to talk again. Whereas a baby’s brain is newly developing the skills of speech and language, Steve’s brain is having to redeveloped those skills. And it won’t happen in a matter of months! But I’m only speaking from my own experience.
This is an intelligent, fully developed adult mind having to start over again learning to speak. It won’t suddenly switch back on one day, he’s having to go through the process again.
Lorraine
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I look Lorraine. I like seeing your replies because I do read over them over and over. I dont know you but you seem like a nice lady the way you reply to me. And you understand everything im talking about.
So thank yoi
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It’s easy to understand you because Steve’s stroke seems similar to mine in some ways. And there’s more to it than meets the eye. There is certainly more to it than the doctors can explain.
For now, you love your husband and he loves you. Though he might not be able to express it as he used to. But he will do one day. So you hang in there and keep loving him as he is. Celebrate what you have got now, what he can do now, and what he’s likely to gain in the coming years. Because you could so easily have lost him altogether and then you would have been mourning his loss the rest of your life.
Be thankful his stroke wasn’t any worse. He can feed and dress himself, he can shower himself, he can walk and use both hands, can brush his own teeth…after a fashion And the rest will come in its own good time.
‘Walk! Don’t run.’ Don’t know if you ever heard that in the corridors of school. But it’s a sound piece of advice for stroke recovery because it just can’t be rushed.
I am truly blessed with my hubby and two adult children. They have been so darn patient with me over those first few years. I do remember being riddled with guilt because I couldn’t do things to help or I’d start things I couldn’t finish or couldn’t join them at a family gathering…because I was all peopled out But that staying power gradually crept back in, lasted for longer, and I’d say I’m back, this is the new me now.
I had a distinct advantage over many. My daughter studied psychology at uni and we’re both very into it, probably due to my family background. She was a huge help as we’d spend hours discussing it over the years. We could easily stay up half the night talking, me babbling, I couldn’t sleep anyway back then. But we’d even managed to figure out which areas of the brain were most likely affected in one way or another. All that helped us all to cope with it, understand and accept it and just treated me as “normal”. It wasn’t a big issue anymore.
It all just takes time, which is why I say just love him as he is now, be patient, tolerant, wait for him when he does speak, listen and you will hear what he is trying to say. Because he might have forgotten if you ask him to repeat it. Short term memory is still very short at this stage
Lorraine
Thank you for this Lorraine. I work at a school so always say this lol
Hes having a good day. As my sister is having our son for a bit and me and steve are going for a drive together
Love days like this but I know hes going to have bad days too
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Enjoy your little bit of freedom while you can
Lorraine
Thank you. It was lovely
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I have heard this a lot!
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@ManjiB , good song. Myself and my mates would play a few instrumentals (similar to songs such as this) as a warm up. It gets our fingers and hands limbered up. I’ve always said, “If you like the Ventures, also listen to the Shadows”. A great combo of music. 
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Hey Johnny - I grew up catching up to the sixties music and it wasn’t easy because there was only BBC Radio 1 that I could listen to. I loved the Shadows and discovered the Ventures and others as a result of listening to the radio “Golden Oldies” type of shows. As I am “lyric blind/deaf” I preferred the instrumentals but now I listen to everything and just catch whatever lyrics I can hear.
That Hank Marvin is something else! But to be fair there are many great musicians out there. I expect you might be one of them
I tried but never quite managed playing the guitar - it’s still here gathering dust and one day I may try again.
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