Hello, I had my stroke 4 years and 8 months ago. Whilst I was fortunate and had a good recovery I don’t feel the same I used to. I struggle to understand what’s being said to me, I can’t retain and recall information very well and have brain fog. People can’t tell I’ve had a stroke which is a good thing. However, I am struggling to control my emotions to the point that I explode in anger and frustration about the smallest things. It’s confusing me as why it’s happening more often and seemingly out of the blue about small things. It’s effecting my relationships and I am finding I’m becoming isolated even from my wife who has been so supportive. Is this normal and what can I do? Appreciate the help.
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I have found that the best way to begin dealing with this is to move your attention away from yourself on to something other than yourself.
Ideally the subject of your attention should absorb you. Becoming involved in any sort of activity for a while can be a sufficient diversion from the emotional triggers that are disrupting your life.
Someone on the forum suggested making a ‘good news’ box, which contains slips of paper with notes about things that have gone well.
Equally effective a notebook recording the good, the bad and the boring can help you put your emotions in their place as you write about the ups and downs. Looking back at it can help you see things from a different angle.
It is tough but you aren’t alone. There are lots of us simply doing what we can, sometimes against the odds.
Give yourself a chance, you deserve it. Be kind to yourself and those around you.
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Hello @breck03 - welcome to the community and I am sorry you are struggling to control your emotions post stroke.
I would respectfully disagree with this. People need to know you’ve had a stroke and they need to understand what this means so they can help you.
Having a stroke is nothing to be ashamed - it can happen to anyone.
Nor is it something you want to hide. If anything, I would suggest you talk about it openly and explain the challenges you face as a stroke survivor e.g. you may look normal but there are things going on that are not visible to others.
You can get badges or similar you can wear that can identify you as a stroke survivor and in the same way, and apologies if this is no longer politically correct, I remember travelling on public transport and pregnant women used to wear badges saying “I am pregnant”. Upon reading this, the woman more than likely would be offered a seat. I appreciate this is not a like for like comparison but the principle is the same.
Do not be ashamed - talk openly and educate the ignorant.
I wish you all the best.
Namaste|
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Hi @breck03 and welcome to the club no one ever wants to join 
Bobbi and Manjib talk sense, you’d do well to heed their advice. Particularly in talking about your stroke. Don’t ever hide the fact you’ve had one, that doesn’t do anyone any favours, people need to know, to be aware of what it can entail and you have that first hand knowledge that most of us were ignorant of at the time of our strokes.
Telling people you’ve had a stroke will alleviate a lot of that frustration. You’re not meant to hide it! That’s what happens when you bottle things up, keep it a secret. Being open about it will help others to better understand you and you will most likely discover that the people you tell have a loved one in the same boat or at least know of others.
I tell it all the time to people I meet, many have wanted to pick my brains either because they are genuinely interested or know of some who’s just had one. I had a builder in renovating my kitchen recently and as it turned out, his wife had had a stroke around the same time as me. Well, that set us off talking and comparing notes. But it also brings patience and tolerance, understanding and greatly reduces frustrations on both sides!
Life is not a race for stroke survivors, so don’t even try. If you a trying hard to be who you were before your stroke, you won’t win! Slow and steady wins this race, so take a step back, time out, take life one step at a time. If you push yourself too hard the fatigue kicks in to hobble and frustrate you. I have aphasia, if I try to speak fast or keep up with fast flowing banter my words just scramble themselves. But, because I let people in meet know about it, 90% of the time they wait for me to catch up and keep up. Thus eliminating frustrations and the risk of getting angry…on both sides.
Have you checked if there are any local stroke groups you could join? You might benefit from them. I’m actually attending an Aphasia group tomorrow, we meet once a month, it’s helped enormously with my speech and confidence.
I think you should also see your GP. It could be that you are deficient in a certain vitamin, that can also present itself with the same symptoms as yours, also your blood pressure medication may need adjusting or changing. So it’s well worth you making an appointment as soon as. A blood test I had about 8 months after my stroke revealed I was seriously deficient in folic acid. Once I was started on that the fog lifted and my heavy legs weren’t heavy anymore. So well worth seeing your GP to rule out anything else that might be going on. Make the appointment first thing as it may take a couple weeks, just do it.
Lorraine
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Thank you the message and support.
Thanks for the message and support.
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Very kind of you thank you for the support
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Also, the Stroke Ass. have got some information on their website about emotional and behavioral changes after a stroke which you might find helpful.
Lorraine
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After stroke, I had issues regulating my emotions. It took me a long time to realise what was happening; about three years all up. I am now five years post stroke. Recently, I was diagnosed with BPD due to brain damage altering my personality and not being addressed at the time. I was too concerned with my visual and physical rehabilitation to pay much needed attention to my emotional and psychological needs. At the beginning of last year I started DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy), initially with a therapist, then I continued on my own with the guide of a handbook. I have made good progress, much to the relief of loved ones around me. I still have a way to go with it but I started working on my short fuse which is now longer and I am less prone to brain damage tantrums and more able to deal with nugatory stresses and can even tackle some of the bigger stresses with relative calm and composure. DBT is effective for me because it is practical and not wound up in deep psychological digging which I find difficult. I needed something I could use everyday and put into immediate practice for the sake of myself and others.
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The Stroke Ass 
- I’m such a child.
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Hello and welcome breck03. I have read through all the messages you’ve received after your post and couldn’t offer any better advice at all. I can echo that we are all in a new place and it takes a while to navigate through it. Being on the site is a good way of seeing what works for some of us, but overall we all support you and hope we can offer some comfort that you are among people who do understand more than most.
I do want to echo about not revealing your stroke and its aftermath. I have aphasia, and a definite ‘wobble walk’ . I now wear a lanyard with a card that tells people that due to my stroke I have speech difficulties. this has proved its’ worth as I now am able to shop alone without my hubby to ‘speak’ for me. May I ask you to look at some of our Stroke Zine posts (around Aug 1st ‘A nice encounbter’) where I have related an incident last week where someone approached me asking what the lanyard was for. She the revealed that she had a relative also with aphasia. I informed her of this wonderful forum and where to get the card from.
I can’t speak for any other members. but I too have days where I could willingly blow my top. Sometimes it is for no reason, and you do feel sorry afterwards. But if the other person knows a little bit about you, they may just be more , shall we say, understanding? There is no right answer, all I can say is in time, you may be able to overcome this. But we are here, ready to give support and more importantly, listen. Best wishes Norma
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To be fair Rupert, @EmeraldEyes did use a full stop after the Ass to indicate it was an abbreviation 
but there is nothing wrong with being a child, in fact sometimes it’s healthy to be a child
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Oh ManjiB, please may I join the child club too? Best wishes Norma
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It is my view that we are born into this club and are automatically enrolled as lifetime members, but sometimes some of us try to forget and “act” grown up. Personally, I love being childish, always have and always will and I don’t care what anyone thinks
Someone taught me another phrase when a group of adults were “acting all grown up”. It’s a lovely phrase and I am often reminded of it. It goes like this …
“Let the children play!”
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@breck03 - the lanyard @Norma751 is referring to might be the one @Sue1958 told us about. See link below.
There is a card you can get or lapel badge that says if someone has a hidden disability is this the one?
Order your Hidden Disability Lanyard
Send a clear message with our hidden disabilities lanyard, exclusively for National Disability Cardholders. Easily show others that you have a disability.
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No this is not the one I have. I got mine through our local stroke club. But I do believe it is also available on line. I will try and find out for information that would be useful to others. Don’t go away! N
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I’ve had a look on-line. I got my lanyard from ‘Lanyards Tomorrow’ cost £1.89, with postage though it was £3.88. I can’t find the exact card that I got from the Stroke Association rep. but there are sites that deal with aphasia. One of them you can print off your own personalised card. Hope it might help? N
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Oh, I thought @EmeraldEyes had just not capitalised the ‘h’ 
- I am talking about a stroke donkey, of course, should anyone question my sensibilities.
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Don’t worry Rupert - I don’t think anyone questions your sensibilities
I think also that @EmeraldEyes is way too meticulous to not capitalise the first word in her sentences - in fact I get the feeling she might read and re-read the message before clicking the [Send] button :). And of course, as children we don’t need to be sensible all the time.
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Hi @breck03 & welcome to the community.
I would echo a lot of what has already been said. Emotions are often affected afterca stroke but 4+ years on if you are still having issues & it is affecting your relationships then it may be time to speak to your GP.
Best wishes
Ann
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