Worst Christmas ever. My husband is just over 12 months post stroke and struggling with his mental health. He has lost a lot of his sight and is easily muddled and frustrated. He is worse now than when he first had his stroke.
I try my best but Christmas has been awful. My grown up daughters spent Christmas with their family so it’s just been us. I have been so upset and cried most of the time. I know I’m struggling and not sure where to turn.
My husband is self centred and doesn’t seem to realise how much I’m struggling. I feel he blames me for everything that has happened to him
@Alyson1 sorry to hear you’re struggling. It sounds like you need to talk to someone. Maybe try your GP they should provide support for carers. The carers are often forgotten about but are really important and need to look after themselves as much as they need to look after the patient.
Is it possible to have some time away? Perhaps ask your grown up daughters to help look after him whilst you have some time away.
Have you tried telling your husband how much you’re struggling? He might not realise as he’s probably consumed by the impact the stroke has had on him.
I agree with Bobbi re contacting the Stroke Association as they’ll be able to offer some advice.
Thanks Ann and Bobbi for your replies. I have told him how much I’m struggling. I was so upset Boxing day andhe told me I needed to see someone.
He can cope fairly well on his own but does get muddled.
I am already on antidepressants but you are right I need to talk to someone. Thanks again
My attitude to stroke is that it is a game of finding ways to cope.
My wife and carer buries herself in activities on the internet.
It is her escape from me and our troubles.
Part of her Christmas present each year is a years subscription fee for one of the games she loves. I pay for that and see it as a sort of rest and relaxation therapy for her. It also makes me feel a bit better about being a burden.
All of this can be difficult sometimes but we both work at keeping on top of it all.
It is important to rest, for both of you.
It is also important to be able to lighten up and have a giggle.
For me, meeting with others in the same situation provides a release. Maybe your husband could join a stroke group or meet up online. You could ask the Stroke Association about this too. A break from one another for an hour or so could help put things back in order.
There are forums and groups for carers, worth seeing what you can find online. Of course you are very welcome and valued here too.
@Alyson1 sorry to hear that your Christmas didn’t go well for you. Please do not apologise, this awful situation is not your fault and you trying to get through this in the best way you can.
You have had some good advice, so I won’t repeat that. I would definitely recommend attending a Stroke Survivors support group if there is one local to you.
My husband and I attended a weekly support group in the early days of my recovery and I can’t recommend it hughly enough. It was attended by a variety of people from 18 -70 years of age and everyone had something valuable to offer. Some people came alone and others with carers or partners and we both found it very helpful and informative. Speaking to someone who knows exactly what you are going through is priceless and I’m sure you would benefit from speaking to others who are caring for a loved one following a stroke. I know my husband found it very helpful.
I’m sorry to read about your situation and how your Christmas has been affected. I can see you’ve already been given some great support and advice which I’m sure has been helpful.
I hope you don’t mind me taking a moment to echo what the others have said about talking to others who understand what you’re going through. It’s really important to remember to look after yourself too. We have a dedicated webpage specifically for those caring for their loved ones. You can find a hub of information here including advice on self-care. Caring for someone close to you after a stroke | Stroke Association
Below is some information about other support from the charity that could help too.
If you’d like to speak to someone on a one to one basis, we have weekly volunteer calls where you’ll be matched with a carer who has had similar experiences as you. You can receive weekly calls for eight weeks, at a time and day that’s best for you. You can find out more here
If you haven’t contacted them already, please reach out to our Stroke Support Helpline for information and advice 0303 3033 100. They can also point you in the right direction for support groups in your local area.
We also have our Online Activities where we offer a range of virtual sessions that are held on zoom. These sessions are available for both stroke survivors and carers and are often used as a source of respite. Online Stroke Activities | Stroke Association
I hope the above has been helpful in some way. If you have any questions about the information I’ve given or need anything else, please don’t hesitate to tag me or one of the team by using our username and the @ symbol.
hello Alyson
my name is shanitha and my husband had stroke as well. people dont understand that stroke re wires the brain. it seems strange for others to understand but trevor was the kindest most gentle person but after stroke he was moody also lost his sight . he was right side paralysed and my xmas 2023 was a nightmarre but people just so insensitive , you have to take care of your mental health . self care is a must as he will become more needed and he is not the same person you remember and embrace that, i blamed the stroke and even told him he has changed. he felt bad and said he is sorry and he does not know why he gets so frustrated and shout but he always said sorry to the carers as well. after he calmed down. there is help out there , IMAGO is one but also unpaid carer group find ur local or get registered at your gp tell them you want to be know as an unpaid carer . you can get help and support. i had friends who supported me. you need to feel human again to need to recharge ur battery first then face your husbands challenges and you will feel stronger. i went to coffe with friend just to dress up and feel stronger. he was moody but when he saw me witha smile and happy it helped him relax. i think they feel like they are bringing us saddness and our tears means they not good husband and they dont know how to fix this. you have to not take things personally , forgive and forget was my motto. i will try to cheer me up and go back with a happier tone that helped
its not an easy road and people dont know what u going thru, so well done for caring for your loved one and we do it because we know how much we love them.
we also need to know our limits and ask for support. your kids and help care and you can rest or go out a bit. take care .
