Morning iv just woke up an like every morning iv woke up feeling scared worried stressed is this my life now .I don’t want to upset anyone bùt as someone said when my husband was in hospital you will become his carer not his wife it’s a year in July since he had his stroke and recovery is slow .i was hoping he would be walking abit better by now
The community physio only has 3 weeks left to come and then we are on our own
he does have private physio twice a week but I’m sure that’s not enough i know its hard an scary for him but im scared too and im thinking how long can i do this for as we get older i feel our friends have left us behind cos there’s the issue of going to toilet anyway thats my moaning done for now


I had a stroke 16 months or so ago.
When my physio left I still wasn’t walking.
One morning I woke up and thought, ‘B****** this’.
Swung my legs to the side of the bed, stood up, took two or three steps, towards my commode and picked up my dressing gown from it, put it on, walked back to the bed, sat down, all watched by my wife and carer, she smiled.
I felt the whole universe give a round of applause.

It will happen, sometimes you need to be patient.

If I didn’t have the support of my wife I don’t know where I’d be.

I wobble about a bit, but I hope to improve.
Sometimes I feel proper weepy.

I’d tell you a secret about the wife bit but some things you don’t mention.
I am working towards a more normal life for us both, as I am sure your husband is also.

This is turning into a marathon.
You will discover you have friends here on this forum, you can always come here to unload, you will find sympathy and a listening ear.

Keep on keepin’ on
:grinning: :+1:


@lynne_day923 it is often said that stroke is not just life changing for the stroke survivor but for those around them too; particularly their loved ones.

I taket hat off to all carers. They are remarkable people.

There is plenty of hope for life to improve for you both. It just takes a while. Slowly but surely your husband should be able to do little things which will hopefully turn in bigger things in time. It might have to be done in a different way but every bit will help you.

Its really important that you take time for yourself too. If he can be left for a short time maybe pop out for a walk, a coffee whatever you enjoy. If he can’t be left maybe ask someone else to stay with him whilst you go out.

Have you had an occupational therapy assessment done? Could you get some aids to make things easier / possible for your husband?

Maybe you could find a carers group locally where you can talk to people in the same position as you.

Sending hugs :hugs::hugs:



On a much shorter time frame, I couldn’t wait to be free of the therapists, not that there was anything wrong with them, I just don’t do fussing. I played it their way for time, but felt they were holding me back, not tough enough with or for me. Plus one was pregnant anyway and we were still in lockdowns…I didn’t feel comfortable at all with that. But once they were gone, it was like opening the stable door for me, I was off and never looked back :laughing:

Could it be that’s what he’s waiting for subconsciously, sometimes that’s all it takes for some people. I wouldn’t say this is your life now, life is what you make it, life is how you choose to see it! Is that what you want to see?
And how much do you do for your husband as opposed to what he does for himself? Could he do more but for you, have you made it too easy for him? Think about these questions.

Babies are always falling down when they’re learning to walk, are babies a burden?

And babies need lots of different types of stimulation in order to learn and lots of rest.

Unlike babies, he had all stimulations he needed until they got taken away from him.

From what I’ve just skimmed through from your other posts, he is making good progress. And you know, just because he’s the one who had the stroke doesn’t mean you can’t go cry on his shoulder…just as I did a few nights ago on my daughter’s shoulder, we both ended up having a good cry because it feels so good after :blush: He’s still a human being, what’s more, he’s still your husband. You don’t need to be a rock all the time, you don’t need to be invincible, and maybe he needs you to be his wife and not “just his carer”. You’re in this together and you’re going to celebrate his recovery out the other side whatever form it takes.

Don’t see this as a burden, you wouldn’t with a baby. Just like babies, his neurons need to be renewed, repaired and educated/retrained, nurtured in order to grow and develop. And, like babies, it doesn’t happen over night, it won’t take as many years, but it will take a few. Just enough for you both to come to terms with this new way of life.


My friends, sisters and daughters were right there with me all through my hospital and rehab stays. Covid was full fledged so only two per day could come so they scheduled so I was rarely alone because I could not talk, see, or move.

I came home and everything fell on one daughter. Everyone else disappeared as if I was magically healed. When I asked for help from others they would call my daughter and ask why couldn’t she do this or that or the other. She has done so very much for me, with a full time job, a son who was 8 at the time, a fiance’ and stepson to be, which are now out of the picture, as is her plan to move to her own home. My strokes caused a huge change in her life. because she could not always be right there with me, I had to learn to do enough on my own. I missed having my daughter, instead of a carer. We are back to mom and daughter now, thank goodness, because I can do pretty much everything for myself but drive and get my medicines from the pharmacy. I can’t make my bed, but no one really cares about that. Point is one carer cannot do it all. Patient and Carer both need help. And your husband likely wants to feel like himself again, and like your husband again. It is so overwhelming for both of you, but I suspect you will both begin learning ways around many of the issues you have today.