Hi everyone hope your all doing well. Hope you don’t mind a rant .My husband’s been home 3weeks now from a long 9 month’s stint in hospital He’s been ok adjusting but this last week been distant no conversation only talking when he needs my help, sleeping aĺl the time He’s got exercises to do which i have done with him everyday but he needs something to exercise his brain Yesterday i lost it an find myself angry and frustrated any advice lynne


Thanks for replying i know what your saying he is frustrated but id rather talk it out with me instead of bottling it up it must be a horrible feeling wanting your leg to work an it won’t do what you want it to his community physio is only once a week she is good but he’s seeing no progress i think we both feel trapped


Shwmae @lynne_day923, from my own experience, I found it difficult early on to just exist. People would talk to me but I was entirely focussed on what was going on in my head and that what was being said became an extra consideration I felt unable to address at times. In many ways, stroke survivors become selfish, but not out of inconsideration, the survival instinct intensifies as we struggle to sort out our heads. I slept a lot after stroke but it didn’t make me feel rested, but it was the only means I had to shut down, I started Mindfullness and forms of meditation as an alternative to bed resting. Each survivor will react differently to their predicament and it is difficult for carers to share that space. I would say, focus on yourself, allow your partner to find their independence again. My partner had minimal engagement with my condition apart from being there if I asked for something. I could tell at times she was annoyed and frustrated with my predicament. Much of my early rehabilitation was achieved through cleaning, as it earned me brownie points by virtue of making up for my at times difficult behaviour.


@lynne_day923 it must be so hard for you & i totally understand why you got frustrated. I suspect your hysband has found coming home exhausting & it may be that this has caught up with him & fatigue has hit big style. I found the first few weeks at home I had no energy at all & slept loads & couldn’t cope with conversation. He may also be a bit low. Maybe getting home as made him realise how much has changed.

Maybe let your husband find his own way. I’m sure he’ll let you know if he needs something. If he doesn’t get better then might be worth talking to his GP.

Above all look after yourself too. Take time away from your husband - maybe go for a coffee with a friend.

Sending you my best wishes & remember you’re amazing. Being a carer is harder than you think.

Ann xx

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Really it’s not so much selfishness, but we become “insular”, or rather, our brain becomes insular and we are, to a certain extent, switched off emotionally from the world around us. None of this is intentional, its just while he processes and relearn a few things. It’s not against you or anyone else so don’t ever take offence or be hurt by this because he just can’t help it. He doesn’t have control of his brain, his brain has control of him and will do whatever is necessary to heal regardless of anyone else, and ultimately that is what you want. Unfornately stroke recovery does not happen over night or in a matter of the 6-8wks it takes a surgical wound to heal. This could very well take a few years and aspects may never return. Time, patience, and rehabilitation exercises is all you can give it.

The brain is like a computer, it shuts down while it upgrades it’s software and reboots. And it will frequently need to do this throughout the day, which takes a lot of rest periods/naps to do it, because that’s when the brain does all its processing, when we are asleep. Currently he’s got 3 weeks of home life to process after 9 months of hospital routine, it’s bound to hit him at some point.

You can help him in a way by choosing to accept that this is his current natural state; come to terms with who he is now and stop feeling guilty for living your own life, albeit semi-independently of his. Learn to live companionable, harmoniously, along side him. That alone will take pressure off him and give him some much needed peace as his brain is demanding enough right now. Little bits more of him will gradually seep in as you both relax into this new version of your hubby, and then you’ll both have good reason to celebrate :smile: