Bladder control

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It is three years since my stroke and there is one subject that doesn’t get mentioned much.

Wee !!

In hospital, where there were bottles readily available, it became habit to just reach for one when I felt the need. This sort of reprogrammed the habit, in the end, making ‘holding on’ virtually an impossibility.

At home, over time, I had a few falls while attempting, in panic, to quickly find a way to relieve myself.

Now, a little late, I realise that I am going to have to retrain myself.
I will have to learn how to hold on once again.

It had not occurred to me how this was important until I started getting out and about.
I am sure correcting this is not impossible but might involve a little effort.

In doing this I will return in some way to how things were pre-stroke and be a little more comfortable when out and about.

Forgive me for discussing what is a private matter in this public space. Sometimes I feel there is a need to speak up, despite any embarrassment that might be caused.

Ever onwards to a more comfortable existence.
:smile:
keep on keepin’ on

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I too, am still working on this, Bobbi

Near Infra Red NIR & RLT therapy helped, as did grounding especially at night (huge help). Today I Earthed barefoot on my lawn for 90’ in 4° (just boasting). Another idea ; Inversion Therapy at strategic points of the day. Vitamin D levels also a consideration. Also no green tea (diuretic) in the afternoon, and certainly none in the evening.

Good luck, Roland

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It feels like bladder retraining is an important but neglected part of recovery, what I found diastresing in hospital with the fixation on bowels not bladder, i could never get anyone to take me for a wee… in rehab one staff nurse loved everyone in pads the next everyone with a catheter and next just hated anyone needing a wee… I know i wasn’t the only one left confused…

I was a bedwetter growing up in the 70s and my own obsession/fixation with topilet access has helped me retrain/regain confidence… though still not brilliant i’m not planning all my journeys on a toilet turn by turn navigation system :slight_smile:

hope you find the path that suits you as there will be one, continence issues can be soul destroying but they are resolvable :slight_smile:

wishing you all the best
Nicky

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@Bobbi this is indeed an under discussed subject & I suspect many of us have had issues.

I had the opposite to you in hospital. Because I had to get a nurse to take me to the toilet I hels on as long as I could so I didn’t bother the already busy nurses. This meant I retrained my bladder and subsequently had less “accidents” when I got home as like you I can’t get to the toilet quick enough.

Unrelated to stroke but my hubby had prostate cancer and had his prostate removed. After this op he had no bladder control at all and I mean none at all. He eas advised to so pelvic floor exercises of around 40 at a time 3 times a day. It took a few weeks but conttol started to return and in a relatively short period of time he had full control back again. So yes, it takes a bit of effort but it is entirely possible to retrain your bladder. Google pelvic floor exercises gor men.

Ann

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I’d heard of those pelvic floor exercises before. Thanks for reminding me. That gives me a direction to take.
Stroke is such strange territory.

Here’s a sign I saw while I was out scootering today.
Seems oddly appropriate on a post like this.

PXL_20250217_125826451
PXL_20250217_1258264511500×1992 626 KB

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indeed it is under discussed… the thing is (in my new job) I’m part of a wellness group and in dicussing wider issues I brought up the fact that between 20-40% of women have continence issues but a negkected 10-20% of men do. as a society is one of the wider topics that is totaly glossed over.

I used to help my mother while she was a carer back in the late 70s and even in my lifetime no one really talked about womens continence issues then and it feels we are still on a journey to be able to discuss all manner of health issues… unless it impacts us directly…

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@NckWhlr

It is issues like this that can have a great effect on one’s life.

Feeling comfortable can have very different meanings and it is important not to be misunderstood.

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@Bobbi
As a society we know the damage this does… we started building loos in specific places to control women and in doing so created a urinary leash… We know as a society how to use toilet needs as a method of control, living on the coast so many public toilets including disabled ones are closed on the prominades that i get concerned going for long walks… my routes now go via cafes to be on the safe side :slight_smile:

my first job back was a 2 mile walk/each way. I could do it because I passed 3 lots of toilets sadly all are now bolted and locked, if I hadnt quit I’d be seriously thinking about another job as i know at some point my bladder would let me down :slight_smile:

hope you find a way through…

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I keep circling back to say whats really on my mind, it hard as I feel constrained by the shame this topic evokes.

When I was first discharged, the hardest part wasn’t just physical recovery—it was dealing with the shame, The feeling of needing something as simple as discreet pants to go out in public felt like a loss of dignity and that everyone would see, they would know, or worse that I would smell. I thought it meant I had failed.

But here’s the thing, it was never failure—it was just another step.
At first, I thought this was just a slow adjustment to the same reality—but what I didn’t realize was that, each change came with progress in bladder training, I still needed pads at every stage, not because I wasn’t improving, but because they gave me the confidence to keep going without the fear of accidents, fear of finding the toilets vandalised, locked, or the myriad of other things my mind adds to stop me going out.

first year, I relied on discreet pants by the second year I moved to discreet pads by the third year they became ultra-thin pads and now they are light liners.

Each of these wasn’t a “setback” or a “permanent state"… they were stepping stones. I wish someone had told me early on that there isn’t a fixed point, but we are on paths that unfold over time. I thought my progress would be limited to the first few weeks or months, but healing is an ongoing journey, not a single milestone.

And I see this progress everywhere, not just physically. My dexterity is improving, My ability to think on my feet is sharper, I trust myself more than I did.

Letting go of shame didn’t happen all at once, but as I progressed, I started trusting myself more And with that trust, the shame started to lose its grip, though its still there, it not as strong as it was…

no matter what stage you’re at—please don’t judge yourself for where you are, What feels overwhelming today might one day be just another step you’ve left behind.

You’re not alone in this. And you are not failing.

Nicky

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@NckWhlr

You are very right.

Also freedom to discuss what affects us and what is on our mind is true liberty.

I can be obstinate and pig headed. Frequently I have to find my own way being unwilling to follow another’s lead. It’s a good way to learn hard lessons.

Speaking out has been my undoing on occasions but the alternative appears to be standing alone slowly sinking into a darkness that only the truth can lighten.

Those lessons sometimes take a little time to absorb, Patience can help one stay the course and get there.

I think stroke is a great lesson in patience.
It is also important to be kind to yourself and others affected.

keep on keepin’ on

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Well said Nicky @NckWhlr you are so right with everything you say. There is no shame (although we all feel it) . It is just a stepping stone on the path back to where we want to be.

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It took me 6 months to get back some control over my bladder. Even now, I can go 4 or 5 hours without having to go and at other times barely make 2 hours before it becomes urgent.

I guess it is something we have to live with.

Andy

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There is a popular term “latchkey incontinence”, often used to describe a person’s persistent (word changed due to certain words that are not allowed to be used on this forum) and urgent need to urinate the moment they get home.

It may not generally be used in medical terminology, but a person with latchkey incontinence is most likely experiencing symptoms of an overactive bladder or OAB .

I do suffer from this and it usually happens on cold days and with 2 bags of shopping in my hand :frowning:

If anyone knows how to control this [rampant] OAB, I would appreciate very much.

There has to be a way - I know, it’s all in the mind, but how do I manage it?

Thank you.

:pray:

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@ManjiB

Bladder control is learned. If you practice holding on you will find yourself better able to manage things.
Pelvic floor exercises, mentioned elsewhere on this thread, also referred to as Kegel exercises, can be a help.
A Google search will produce videos and information better than anything I can come up with.

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Helpful as always :slight_smile:
Pelvic floor exercises it is then :grinning:

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I was told to practice holding on longer. So instead of going as soon as you walk in the door wait a few mins then go. Build this time up gradually. You may have a couple of accidents along the way but it did work for me.

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I would often wet myself waiting for a nurse to assist me to the toilet, they thought I was incontinent NO….JUST THAT I WAS LEFT crossing my legs and wriggling about tooooo long.sine being home I’ve had to retrain my bladder to wait 5 mins at a time…otherwise I darent go out anywhere….i hear you though

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That happened to a lady in the bed next to me when I was in hospital too. She had asked to be helped to the toilet and it was about an hour before they got to her and then when they got her out of bed she had an accident and then they complained and asked why she couldn’t wait until she got to the toilet. I really felt for her.

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I saw this happen lots of times….im glad I could still talk so I said rather I set myself then you need shower me and change me would you prefer that?

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It’s not a great situation is it. I found that I started to train ,my bladder in hospital as I wasn’t happy to keep asking the staff to take me to the toilet even though I couldn’t get there myself.

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