hi to all i’m wayne had my stroke on boxing day 2020 although i’m back walking an doing almost everything for myself i still have full numbness down my left side . hardly sleep it makes me frustrated an to the point i can’t do with anyone around me for long periods of time . i get lonely at times but i can’t tolerate anyone for lengthy periods of time just wondering if anyone els is feeling this way an how there coping with the situation . i get angry seem to have no emotions to anyone i may upset .
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Wayne?
Welcome to the Stroke Survivors and Carers community. I wish I had found this earlier and you are 3 years in? wow - kudos for just surviving!!!
You really are not alone and feel free to rant as much as you like on here. we all do it!!
I get so angry and so frustrated all the time and take it out on various people but recently I have been working with my psycologist on some new techniques that seem to help (well a bit!!). And also in my mind I just don’t care what I say or do - deal with it people ha ha but that’s really true.
Not all this will apply to you but have a gander if you want!
So sorry you’re on this journey. I am 10 months in from 3 ischemic strokes and of course it is hard for my friends and family and me!!. but there are good and bad days!
Keep talking to us
Kieran 
Here is a picture of an angry polar bear to cheer you up!
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hi appreciate the message it will be 3 years on boxing day this year when i had the stroke . cooking xmas dinner . i totally relate to what you say and not caring of how it effects others i am taking to people but only over the phone as i can’t do with anyone in person. . i have a mental health worker an i also chat to someone from a charity called man matters . but i can loose it real quick with some people especially the ones that just want to put me on anti depressants i take enough medication without taking them as well .
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100% agree mate. I’m on enough and have brain damage without having more stuff mess with my mind!! rant on here and I also find the Samaritans really good although I always try and limit myself to 30mins otherwise I just keep going!!!
K 
@moderators @CommunityAdmin can you add some tags like recovery journey / share my story etc to this for @wayne.muggleton1971 please?
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yeah i’m about 11 miles from leeds ! i’m more in yo rugby league tbh season almost done with now tho . i will put the game on today an try watch. england if i can concentrate for more then 10 minutes normally the tv is on and i haven’t a clue why as i don’t watch it
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I have it on and can’t watch for too long so I look at the table and then look up when I hear the crowd start going!!!
And I do the same with my laptop I come on here for 5 mins then close it for 5 mins!!
K
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I get very angry also, but not all the time and not at people. I am often in a rage at the situation of stroke and get mad at myself and I often yell at the universe…WHY ME??? and Why am I not getting better?
I’m trying to channel this by working very hard on my exercise and neuroplasticity activities.
I see that you don’t sleep well. That is so important and can certainly make one grumpy.
For some strange reason, Baclofen puts me in a more social mood and kind of raises my spirits, but does nothing for my spasticity. I wish you the best and hope you can get over this.
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thanks you too . an i probably get between 3. -5 hours a night if that with waking up almost every hour without fail .
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@wayne.muggleton1971 Hi & welcome to the forum. Sorry you’ve had a stroke but hopegully now you’ve found us you’ll find it a supportive place to be.
I think anger can be a side effect from stroke as can being emotional etc. I guess it is all about finding some coping techniques. If not sleeping is making it worse maybe your GP can prescribe something to help you sleep. Others have tried lavender oil which they’ve had some success with…i’m allergic to lavender so have no personal experience of it.
Sending my best wishes.
Ann
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Just saw a big fight during my 10 mins ha ha ha!! 
K
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I think I reported you or something to the moderator by clicking on the flag icon by accident. If I did, just ignore it. I’m not paying good attention today. LOL. Sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I was trying to heart your post and ended up reporting you. LOL
Take good care.
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Don’t worry @Matthew1798 it’s easy done. If I see it I’ll remove the flag.
Hope the rest of your Sunday is a good one.
Ann
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appreciate the advice an comment i’ve tried almost of the things i can . i also have crohn.s disease so i’m limited to what i can take as of the medication i take for that but thanks.
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Welcome Wayne. Stroked just before you. Three years on my outbursts are very few now , thank goodness . But alone have the occasional melt down and rant. Just managed to stay off anti- depressants, was never a pill taker. Doc sent mindfullness person to see me, they couldn’t even explain it . Was down in dumps good part of most days. Bit by bit work at it. Walked when I could. Started to list the good things I had to be grateful for, 5;then 10 . Even when going to bed . Drilled myself to sleep with A-Z football teams or towns. Look back now was a tough time but eventually got over it. Have mentioned this before on here. Bit of luck , retired woman in village who had worked at the famous Priory Clinic in London heard of my plight and came to see me. Said I wanted to learn mindfullness. She promised me two twenty minute sessions. It was easy as this for me.
Remember an episode in your life when you were blissfully happy. Remember as much as you can, dwell on it. I focused on happy days visiting my grandparents in country. Rolled all visits into one, over a week fine tuned it, leaving house in town weaving through town, into countryside trying to remember ever twist a turn that we took more than 60 years ago. Used this happy episode time and time again to gain longer periods of sleep. Now in better place.
Suck it a see, good luck. Paul
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thanks paul appreciate the advice 
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They had my mother on all kinds of medication for her mind, but, sadly, nothing worked. Anti-depressants made her worse. Buspirone helped a little tiny bit. The rest - no effect.
They give so many medications out after stroke, but are they really helping? They could be doing more harm than good.
Just my opinion because of my experience with my mother. I am not saying to not take any medication - that’s not any of my business.
Take good care
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Evening Wayne , ok not angry all the time but have my moments. Don’t know your circumstances , that can have a big impact on mood. I had a baptism of fire, three months after my stroke which probably on reflection toughened me up . Been working as a gardener for 32 years living in tied accommodation. Was promised all sorts of things if I worked on after retirement age, nothing signed, just a gentleman’s agreement . Was asked to vacate my home and clear all my junk in three months . To cut a long story short, no lifetime pension, no golden handshake, no accommodation for my lifetime . Awful time of my life . But realised I was partly to blame for being naive, enjoyed my work and was able to save enough with help to buy a bungalow. My and my wife’s old age pensions enough. Lost a bit of vision , but hey worse things happen at sea and you can’t walk back. So not bitter about that stage of my life knew I had to be forgiving.
Think that what still gets me is just can’t fully swallow the huge Acceptance pill. Think that’s the seat of our anger. But trust me I’m still working on it and bit by bit and we can beat it.
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Oh yes, we need to question everything we are given.
Not just “down it” because we are told to.
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Pills are an easy uncomplicated way to try and deal with things, but it is good to realise that corrections applied to diet, exercise, habit, attitude and so on can do a great deal to help, possibly in some cases making medication unnecessary.
To some extent this is unproven opinion and to say it is true would be misleading, but there is a possibility it may be so.
Who is strong enough to stand against the witch doctor who tells you that tomorrow you will die?
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