Hello everyone. I had a stroke just before Christmas. I have no movement in my left hand or arm and I have a dropped foot and can just about walk a short distance with a stick and not that well…
I have been sent home and live alone with a carer three times daily and physio 5 times a week. I have good friends who pop round but I hate living alone with this condition and am now on anti depressants.
I am finding it hard to motivate myself to exercise as they are such an effort and this makes me more miserable and hard on myself. I just can’t see a way out of this situation of total helplessness and wonder if anyone else out there lives alone and feels depressed. Everyone says I have hope and I will improve but my walking hasn’t improved at all since I started doing it and I am so full of negativity about my life as it is
Don’t be negative (well, try not to be). you have a job to do. And it’s an important one! Your recovery. you’re in charge of it. So make a plan. There’s lots of exercise classes out there for you to take part in. And some are free! It’s what I do. I’m married but my husband works full time so it’s what keep me busy while I’m here on my own.
Hi Janis, sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment. You are in the early stages of your recovery and you are getting physiotherapy, so hopefully some noticeable improvements will be coming your way soon.
You are definitely not lazy, its hard to stay motivated when you can’t see the results. I suffered a hemorrhagic stroke and have no movement in my arm and hand, I also have a drop foot, so I know what a struggle that can be. Although I have not regained the use of my hand/arm, I walk with a stick and the help of an AFO or a FES machine and manage to get about quite well.
My husband is my full-time carer, so I do not live alone but he works 4 days a week, so on the days when I’m on my own I spend my time doing the exercises I can do without assistance and I poodle about around the house and try not to spend too much time sitting down.
Something I found really helpful in the early stages of my recovery was attending a Stroke Survivors Support Group. It definitely helps to speak to people who truly understand what you are going through and we both found it to be very useful and informative. The age range was from 18 -70 years of age and some people came alone, others with partners or carers. They often had activities going on like, chair yoga and Tai Chi, they also organised nights out and other activities in the evenings
If that’s something you would think about doing, you can look at the Stroke Association groups and also Different Strokes groups and hopefully there will be a group local to you.
Hopefully the anti depressants will help to lift your spirits and get you motivated again. Good luck and I hope your get your recovery back on track.
Regards Sue
Dont give up, keep trying. I think the best recovery is made in the first three months.AgeUK, have lots ofservices which offer help of all kinds, transport, befriending and many more. I only havethe book for my area, and have no idea how old you are… Even though I dont live alone this is a very lonely place to be.I thinkhave cried enough tears to fill a bucket over the last 5 years. Keep on trying , it will get better. Contact the Stroke org and see what is available in your area. I find just a regular phone call from a friend really helps.Pam
Ihope you feel better soon.
Hi @Janis
I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling at the moment. As @Susan_Jane has mentioned, you may find it helpful to attend groups. You can find all the Stroke Associations groups on our website. You can find ones in your area or online groups. We also run Online Activities which are virtual sessions run on Zoom - we do social sessions like quizzes, exercise sessions and peer support sessions. These can help you to feel less alone.
Wishing you well with your recovery.
Anna
@Janis sorry to hear you’re finding things difficult at the moment. Try not to becso hard on yourself it really is very early days in your recovery. That said you need to try & find a way to get motivated as that’s what will help you with your recovery. Set yourself some small goals and aim towards those. That might be to do 5 mins of exercise each day or walk a few steps. Anything that is relevant to your recovery. Try and make it something you’ll enjoy doing too. You are more likely to stick with it then.
Could you get your friends to take you out fir a bit. Maybe for a coffee or to a shop. It doesn’t have to be for long but that may help.
It may be exhausting but some things are worth it .
The Stroke Association also run some online activities whixh include things like quizzes & exercise groups. Maybe have a look at joining some of those. You’ll find some info at this link.
https://www.stroke.org.uk/webform/online-stroke-activities-hub
They also do a here for you service where you can talk to someone in a similar situation to yourself. Have a look at this link.
https://www.stroke.org.uk/webform/here-you-sign-form
I also found kerping a diary helped so I could look back and see how far I had really come on those days when I just couldn’t see it.
And no you are not lazy. You have had a stroke & your brain & you need time to recover. A mix of exercise & rest is what is needed.
Hope things improve for you soon.
Best wishes
Ann
Try and find a way to make yourself useful. No need to change or save the world. Volunteer your time, know-how or skills.
You will become involved and loneliness won’t bug you.
Mobility is a big issue but you can get around on keyboard and screen for a start.
First job, look around and see what you can do.
keep on keepin’ on
Hi… I do undersatand where you are as I’ve been there myself, as others have said its good to find support groups/forums so you know you are not alone and you are not alone.
this is not an easy journey, I tried to find new hobbies a friends mum went off and got herself qiualified as an accountant, another as a therapist both after strokes, i’m looking to find my path buts its hard to constantly be motivated and it good to recognise when you are actually overdoing things.
am sure you’ll find your way :slight_smile 
Nicky
The alternative is worse. It’s not a nice position to be in, I get it, but as my physio said to me ‘use it or lose it’ - you have to do the exercises to make progress.
Many of the users here will tell you they spent hours a day, every day, working on their deficits. It isn’t ideal, but needs must.
As one of the lazy ones for whom workouts have never been a thing, I can recommend taking your own path.
Before stroke I worked hard and as a joiner I didn’t need gymnasium or circuit training, The job gave me plenty of that. Plus I went out on boats at weekend scuba diving. Humping all the gear, climbing on and off a boat at sea, is good exercise.
To be honest I took a couple of heart attacks, followed by a stroke twenty years later, as a sign that maybe it was time at seventy five to ease down a little. Not that I have done I suppose, but work outs are not for me.
Each to their own in my opinion. If I had sat at a desk all my life then my attitude may have needed to be different.
If you can get involved in anything, anything at all, you’ll find it is a way to avoid the blues. You don’t need those dark days.
However you tackle this strange puzzle called life I wish you well and may you get a fair share of luck to boot.
keep on keepin’ on
Sorry to hear you’re struggling. It’s early days yet and everything seems an uphill struggle at the moment. Self-motivation is a big problem when you’re on your own. I try to get all my exercising out of the way in the mornings and socialise in the afternoons. Don’t push yourself too hard though. It can be counter productive. I couldn’t have coped without antidepressants in the early days, but as you start to get stronger you will probably not need them. Try and get out when you can (Looking at four walls does nothing for your mental health) even if it’s just going with a friend for a cup of coffee. Things WILL get better!
Hi Janis. I had a stroke on Christmas eve 2023 whilst looking after my 90 year old dad who has since passed away in Feb. 2024. Its been a tough year for me , the stroke left me with left arm and leg paralysis but being a an offpiste skier I was desparate to get the leg working again. As soon as they took me into A and E I started doing leg lifts with the numb left leg forcing it to lift with all my strength. I did 15 reps every minute until the pillow was soaked and kept asking the nurse for a dry one. That night I could not keep my left leg from twitching endlessly and the next morning I slipped out of bed and staggered to the bog for a pee forcing my left leg to work. I got told off by the nurse but could not care. The leg worked! Now 14 months on and by going to the local gym and doing Healthy Hearts class on a Fridays and Boxercise classes on Mondays , I can open and close the fingers of my left hand and can move the l. arm backwards and forwards. I was an only child and live alone but have an allotment. I have had to give up one allotment but have 3 good friends who keep in touch with me and keep my spirits up. I suggest you get in touch with your local council and get your name on the list for a plot. That way you will get out in the fresh air and make new friends - even if you are not interested in gardening. I also suggest you immiediately do the 15 reps per minute left leg lifts that I did - it will come back. Do not give up. Set yourself a goal. My goal is to get back on the skis one day, don’t know how but I will. Meantime gardening and the plot will suffice. Don’t think about negative things, that won’t help. Wake up with a plan of action each day - don’t matter if things change, that’s life. I now have an automatic car - took the test at a neuro rehab centre near me , the DVLA gave me a 4 year licence. - took about 4 months to come through but hey I can go places - like the beach , the gym. No matter how boring the rehab exercises are, keep on with them and your hand will improve. I’m trying to build the strength up in the fingers with Therapy Putty and similar products off amazon.
Hello. I enjoyed reading your email very much this morning so thank you for taking the time to write. You have inspired me to lay on the bed and do those leg lifts as much as possible. Do you still need carers for anything? Or do you manage somehow with food etc getting dressed……all the things you seem to need two hands for. It sounds incredible to me that you go to the gym, drive and tend an allotment….i am full of admiration.
Like you said negative thoughts are my enemy which I have been wallowing in and thinking how much I hate my life as it is and of all the things I can’t do anymore. So last night I bought a book called As a man thinketh. Thank you again for responding to me. Have a great day……Janis
No you are not being lazy, you are only 2-3 months into your recovery.
Everything is fatiguing! And that’s because your brain is busy mopping up from the fallout of your stroke. Just reading my reply will exhaust you, I tend to write a lot 
The brain also has a lot of repair work and relearning to do. It’s doing all this on top of what it already has to do to keep you alive and with a reasonable amount of functionality. And it’s doing all this single handed. Its currently running at a reduced service because it can’t just call in any troops or hire a few temps to help lighten the load.
Hence the brain fatigue! When the brain wants to process or shut down and reboot, it won’t let you do anything else. A bit like a computer or mobile when it has updates to install.
So its not necessarily you who’s being lazy, it’s your brain shutting you down to rest and reboot. When the brain is in that frame of mind, wild horses can’t move it. Other times it can just be a matter of the brain has had enough of one particular activity and needs to move you on to another or rest.
It used to frustrate the hell out of me but the good news is it does get better over time 
Three months from now will be different story, six months to a year from now will be a whole new song. The first 6 months are the hardest with fatigue because of all the mop-up and getting things back up and running the soonest that it can.
Boredom? I live with my hubby and 2 adult children, that didn’t stop me from getting bored out of my tiny mind, angry and frustrated with myself, fed up! And that continual “companionship” can be just as exhausting on the brain.
One tip I highly recommend. Go on Youtube and for how-to’s on doing anything single handed, from putting on a bra to chopping veg, buttering bread, cooking a meal, opening a jar, making a bed etc. There are a lot of paraplegics and amputees who have how-to videos on there, well worth having a browse around.
Another tip, if you are able for it and haven’t already thought of it: cooking in batches and freezing in single portion sizes is always useful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dx8tEcmF23Q
Ok, @theskier has given one really good leg exercise, so I’ll give you another one to get you walking again
Sit to Stands! And I’m sure the regulars on here are sick of me harping on about it
Just sit down in an upright chair, stand up, sit down again and keep going as long as you can. That’s all you have to do and I’ll even throw in a song you can do it to.
Sally up sally down.
You will have a chair under you when you squat. But keep it up with a daily round or two and before you know it you’ll make it the end of the song Then you’ll be wanting to do it without the chair
It gets the blood and adrenaline pump a bit so you do feel good after it. And you may feel a little spring behind the knee which a couple of hours later. You’ll notice the difference more when doing things like climbing stairs. Well, I did after I started doing them 
Welcome to the forum 
Lorraine
Stroke Improvement Group
I had my stroke in May 2023. My left side was/is affected and I still do not have full movement back. I can walk with the aide of a quad stick but my left arm and hand are struggling to catch up with my leg.
Unfortunately, the drive needs to come from within you. I don’t know how many people I saw while I was in hospital for 6 months who expected the physio’s and nurses to make them better. They cannot. With a stroke the only way you will get your movement back again is through hard work.
I do exercises from the moment I wake up until last thing at night. These exercises vary and I rotate through my body, (Arm, hand, shoulders, legs etc.), throughout the day. It is tiring and I sometimes get fed up not seeing any progress but the key is not to try and see improvements from yesterday but last week or last month. When i think back to my first days in hospital when I had to be hoisted in and out of bed to today where i can pretty much do this by myself it boost my resolve.
Keep at it.
Andy
Thanks so much all of you for your support and sharing your stories with me. It really does help xxx
Hi Janis - i just wanted to say that keep trying as much as you can - the improvements do come. I had two brain hemmorages in Oct age 52 no cause found and no meds to take just what i can do myself to improve - the more I do and the more
repetitive i am with moving and exercising the better i have got. I could not stand or walk and i can now. Reading loads of stroke books and liked these more hopeful ones so thought i would attach.
Take Care
Julie
I have been where you are now and it is not a good place.
Like you I live alone
For 2 years after my stroke in 2010 I lacked motivation to do anything and just sat in a chair for much of the time feeling sorry for myself and the life that I had lost.
My experience of post-stroke care was not a good one in that I was left alone to cope with it.
Basically I came to the realisation that unless I made some changes this was my future,and that the only person who could change things was me
Gradually I began to do a few things and took to doing things like pottering in the garden,going for gentle walks ,cooking proper meals for myself.
Now some 13 years later I am much improved mentally and have overcome some of the physical legacies of the stroke.I am fitter through daily activities and walking .
My experience is that things will eventually improve and that you will find the motivation to do things.
I wish you luck on your journey
Tony
Hi, I wanted to add to other great comments. Remember that we’ve had a dismal winter which affects our emotional state. The effects of my stroke are not mobility but what I call, lack of brain and physical energy. I can get out, but don’t want to, even last summer. Once it starts warming up and we have longer days, try to get out in nature, take Vitamin B’s. Can you stay with a friend for a few days? I stayed with my cousin in a warmer country in the mountains for a few weeks and it had such a positive affect on me. A different environment may help you feel better emotionaly and physically. I had a friend who went on holidays with an organization that provided holidays in the UK for people with physical limitations. Unfortunately I can’t remember the name. Maybe someone on this forum will know.
Trish
Don’t give up. It takes time to adjust to the new normal for you. Walking takes a lot of effort and will get better as time goes on.
Look for the little things that are good each day. They mean a lot to stroke survivors.
I too walk with a stick and have to work hard to motivate myself.