A Different Brain is an older Louis Theroux special, 2016, and I have recently been watching his specials because I finished listening to his audio book, Gotta Get Theroux This, and felt like catching up on ones I hadn’t seen as they are all on iPlayer. He chooses his subjects from a centre run by the Brain Injury Rehabilitation Trust, where there are people who have suffered all sorts of brain injury, including stroke. What really struck me as interesting and equally, idiosyncratic to myself was the shift in personality that each subject experienced after their brain injury. I can’t see outside myself, so I find it difficult to recognise shifts in my personality other than the ones that stand out to me like impulsively talking to strangers which was, also, a result of one of the programme subject’s brain injury. I can mingle with people and participate in social events but I doubt anyone is going to say to me, ‘Oh, that’s an odd thing to do’, or ‘You’re a bit weird aren’t you?’ No one is going to say that, so I have no gauge in what is normal to me post stroke as opposed to what would be abnormal to me, pre-stroke. I’m not concerned by this at all, but I found it interesting to listen to these subjects who had had a brain injury and listen to their carers who commented on their behaviour. I found myself empathising with each subject, and relating to their reactions and responses; impulsive behaviour, loose verbal filter, tunnel vision fixation, remote responses, over stimulation, abstract discourse, and sudden outsider syndrome.
I am going to have to look this up! I do notice quite a bit is different in how I interact with others, and how I think and feel about them. Met with Bobbi’s group yesterday and discussed a bit of this very thing, because one of the personality differences is really bothering me…suspecting even people I know and love of ulterior motives or manipulation. That is NOT me, and I don’t want it to be me, and I MUST find a way to stop those thoughts.
Impulsiveness is still an issue, but I seem to have it mostly under control. That was never something I was before.
And the incessant talking. I don’t know how to stop sometimes, if I even notice it until much later. I ask people to stop me. Doctors and nurses will, understanding immediately what I am referring to. I will give you the background story, then part of the conversation, then clarify you understand what I am saying by giving you examples, then perhaps tell another story before finishing, never noticing your eyes glaze over, or your yawns. I truly used to be very quiet.
And the less than appropriate commentary I occasionally make, thank goodness, not very often, has never been me, either. I have always been very measured with my words, and kept them to myself if they were not pleasant. Now I might catch you and me both by surprise at a very direct reaction if I think you are full of it. I will sincerely apologize, profusely, but I won’t be able to take the words back.
Incessant talking is one of my post stroke dominating features, but the structure of it is quite direct, almost as if I am giving a speech and conducting an interview at the same time. The rules of engagement, post stroke, have definitely changed. I too was a quiet person, unless in the company of very close friends and, yet now, anyone is fair game for a gabble. Fortunately, I live in a country where oral culture is part of its social heritage, so having a yarn to strangers will, more often than not, inspire a jolly exchange.
I don’t have your experience of feeling people are being manipulative or have ulterior motives, but I am by nature a little misanthropic and feel most people are, inherently, opportunists, including myself. It would be difficult to be, truly, altruistic. It sounds like these thoughts you have are intrusive, unhelpful thoughts but I don’t imagine they are representative of who you are because you are aware of them and how they make you feel. When I have to manage these kinds of things, I tend to rely on auditory feedback, so I use a voiced ‘shushing’ sound to shush away the thought or idea, it’s very effective for me. I guess also, there are other techniques that can be adopted to prevent these thoughts having too much liberty.
I found the hour long presentation gave me food for thought.
Between us we can agree to disagree, when necessary, but overall I thoroughly enjoy your company. Long may it continue.
I hope this comment is not unwelcome. If it is please blame it on the stroke and ask me to desist.
I wouldn’t want to upset either of your charming selves. Not that I am insinuating that you each have a pair or even a collection of selves .
I’m sure one each is sufficient. Now I’ll stop warbling. I hope it was a pretty song.
keep on keepin’ on
Sounds interesting i will definitely be having a look at this when I get the opportunity.
BBC won’t show it to me, as I am not in UK. Waiting for a US entity to buy it to show, no doubt. LOL.
I watched this last night. It was fascinating and made me think a bit about how I am now after my stroke & whether I have changed. I wasn’t in the right space to ask my hubby yesterday but I will definitely ask & see what he says…i’ll make sure i’m prepared for the unexpected response.
It will be on BBC America, no doubt, but not sure if you guys need to pay for that.
For me, brain injury is brain injury. I sometimes feel that stroke is sometimes pigeon holed as something different, but it’s the same sort of injury or damage as anyone who may have brain damage from an accident, overdose, genetic condition, acquired condition or whatever else can cause the brain to malfunction, and the result is interesting to hear from all sectors of the brain injury community.
I agree. There are many different sorts/causes of brain injury but they amount to the same thing. It was very interesting to hear the stories from people who had different causes but all had big impacts on their life.
@Rups, we can see BBC America, for free. I hope to see this very soon. My daugher has TBI which I understand much better after stroke. A couple close friends have MS. We also have much in common. And I find better information to help me from Neurological research these days than from Stroke…with the exception of the lived experiences shared here, which is the only reason I have for continuing to visit the SA. I have not seen new information since I have been here, other than what is shared by forum members.
@DeAnn @Rups
This is quite interesting. My wife has pointed out (often) that I now talk incessantly and won’t stop and also that I repeat myself all the time. This usually ends up with her telling me quite forcefully to shut up. I’ve interpreted this as a lack of patience with my post stroke condition, but now you have pointed it out as another stroke bonus it changes my opinion of the situation. I’d never heard of this lovely mental extra before and nobody has ever asked me about it. Only fatigue, depression and anxiety. I am definitely on the same bus with this one.
Actually, I use this same technique, though not voiced, I shush quietly in my head and mentally walk away, give myself a time out so to speak, take my thoughts somewhere else for a time. You can’t always physically walk away when in company of others…though sometimes I wish I could.
Hi Strings, my brain injury was from a car crash - no seatbelts worn - in 1970’s, but diagnosed 2017. I’ve never thought I was talking all the time (although my wife’s patience is tested a lot of the time:joy:) but I believe it’s more a ‘panic’ type of thing - during a conversation for example, and my family are chatting away, I think of something to say and I’m scared of forgetting what I want to say, and so blurt it out, which then looks/appears rude, but if I didn’t say it straight away, it wouldn’t get said. Sometimes the look on everyone’s face shows surprise so then I think I should’ve kept my gob shut!
@Bert now you mention it that’s how I often feel, that I’ve got to say it before I forget it.
Never really thought about it but yes I do the same.
Oh that so resonates for me 
It’s also because of my aphasia. I’ve just got all the right words to form a coherent sentence, I need to get it out before the most salient word drops out, and my brain has to scramble to find a suitable replacement 
When that happens the topic of conversation has usually moved on by the time my brain has regrouped.
There is another thing I find fascinating - I’ve been writing since the 1980’s, kid’s books, thrillers, etc., and I might write a 1000 words one day, then I sit down a few days later because I’ve got another idea - I write down my new idea, but then when I look at previous notes, the writing is more or less exactly the same!
So…the question is this - how can you completely lose a memory (of what I’ve written before), but then write it more or less the same? Is it that your brain has forgotten? But it can’t have forgotten if it is the same thing you produce again 
I think you must ‘forget’ but it remains in ‘deep storage’ somewhere else? Waiting to be trawled back into the sunlight or discarded into the bin…
Anyone else had these experiences? John
I definitely am with you, @Strings @Rups @EmeraldEyes in the category of blurting out things at the wrong time because I don’t want to forget them. I met with Speech Therapist again today. She gave me a word for that which of course I cannot remember it now, but it is a common thing. She also told me when I speak I jump around a bit on the topic while speaking, likely for the same reason. I have always preferred writing over speaking because I can clean it up a bit before sending. I didn’t realize I had started speaking that way until she pointed it out afterward with reminders by repeating back what I had actually said. All I can do it laugh for now, but we are going to work a bit on trying to keep me on subject and/or task and to speak in a more orderly fashion, again.
Regarding the repeated story idea you don’t remember already having until you compare? That seems odd but makes sense to me at the same time. I haven’t quite had that experience, but possibly a bit similar with made up songs going through my head, full of nonsense words, much like singing in a different language, but it will very often be the same song over and over, for days or weeks on end. Almost like deja vu, but after a very short time, I will remember actually singing the same song, which I don’t know, again hours later, or a day or two later, again for up to weeks at a time. Weird.
Another oddity has been like re-living my life, chronologically, in my dreams. The people in them are from my past, very many of them long passed away, and mostly the living are no longer in my life, other than my children and their friends. All the dreams were good until recently. I have been reliving my marriage, so I am at least 23 now, but the dreams have become very unpleasant, just as the marriage always was. I don’t like it, but weird it really has been just like reliving it through the years, only faster. The songs that come to mind that I do know, are from each specific time in my life and mostly not songs I cared for to begin with, but give me a weird type of timeline like someone might use to convey passing time in a story. I feel like an oddball now!
@DeAnn the more I read of this thread the more I realise that I am doing the same things as other Strokees. I immediately recognised the tendency to ‘jump around’ on a topic. I am actually aware that I do this and I think it’s wanting to cover all the bases and convey a full explanation of how I see the subject. The trouble is that it includes a tendency to go right back to where I started and begin repeating things. This is the point where I am often interrupted and asked how many times I’m going to repeat that. (by my wife, other people are usually too polite)
On the subject of dreams I find that many of them include people from my past appearing
in unfamiliar scenarios. They often end in an unpleasant or nightmarish way, but not always and sometimes they will include beautiful happy scenes with friends, warm sunlight and sweet music. Those are wishful thinking I suppose, a longing for happier times.
It’s comforting to know that one is not alone in habits and experiences, possibly the main reason I enjoy visiting the forum. It helps to dispel the loneliness of the long distance runner.