Hi everyone, not been on here for a while because 2025 was such a bad year. I was hoping 2026 would be better but once again I’m struggling. Hubby was diagnosed with spinal stenosis in August and around that time I was trying to get help in any form for his REM sleep disorder. The melatonin made him hallucinate, think I was another Gill and I suspect he had/has reduplicative para amnesia. Had to drive round and round trying to find ‘our house’ so took him off and it settled down. He was given amitriptyline for the stenosis pain but this had the same effect so I took him off. Saw a pain consultant who said to try nortriptyline as it’s gentler on the system, just had to take him off again as he again thought I was another Gill. (He also went for a walk last week without my knowledge, when he can only shuffle and had a fall which really shook him) I had to drive him round and round last night to find our house - without success. I was trying to be calm but we ended up having a blazing row which helped neither of us. This morning he very calmly asked if I could take him home, so we drove round the block and he then recognised our house and told me I could park on the drive. Apparently my house is exactly the same and he’s having the staircase done the same, as well as the having had the railing installed on the outside steps. He was much calmer and had a couple of naps this afternoon but he still thinks that I left him and that his ex Gill worked in the same place as me. Won’t believe that my sister is my sister and not the other Gill’s. I am trying to stay calm and he still calls me ‘babe’ and ‘darling’ but I am really struggling when he isn’t sure he still loves me as he’s not sure if I am the real Gill as he’s ‘been lied to so many times’ and I ‘left him’ Our son is coming over this week and I’ll try to get him to reassure him, and I will ask his daughter too. I am having counselling through carers support but this has totally blindsided me. The doctor asked last time about his memory and he has a referral for the memory clinic but I am petrified that it’s not the stroke talking and we are going down the dementia route.
Sorry for the long wordy post - any suggestions will be gratefully received
I don’t really have any suggestions but just wanted to send you lots of love. That must be so difficult for you to deal with. Try not to be afraid of getting a diagnosis as at least you’ll know what you’re dealing with and what support may be able to be put in place for you both.
Speak to your gp about how it’s making you feel and see if they can put you in touch with others in a similar situation so you can exchange ideas.
@Mamagill (cool name), I know it’s already been said but counseling should be an option. I too am doing “Talking Therapies” at the moment. I’ve got an appointment on Thursday morning (19/02). A friend of mine said to “Treat mental health in the same way as a physical injury”. As in get yourself some treatment. This is what I’m doing at the moment.
@Mamagill Don’t panic and don’t elf diagnose until a diagnoses has been concluded. You need to look at life from a different perspective as you as looking through narrow lenses. Yes you have had a lot to deal with, but look at what your husband can do and not what he cant. Just tell him straight who you are where you live and who he is. Don’t baby him, that will do him no good at all. Sometimes you have to be tough to be kind as the babying etc does no one any good. You got this. I have looked after people with issues for over 20 years so I know what I am talking about. I wish you well. I am a stroke survivor. Had one in Nov 2024. Its been hard struggle but going in right direction.
Thank you, at first I admit I thought well that’s not going to bloody work but it has. I have been telling him straight and then just carrying on around him. Not giving him much of a chance to bat back.
He struggles to recognise me when he gets up but it doesn’t seem to last that long so I am just hoping that will improve too as time goes on
He also did really well on his memory check at the GP and he is having more blood and Urine tests as she wants to check everything.
I was down such a rabbit hole last week but just had to pull up my big girl pants and carry on, and my counsellor also showed me how far I have come in the 10 weeks I have been going so….
Aye, my partner gave me tough love from the get go. It did get on my nerves at times, I must be frank about it, however, it did provide me with impetus to move forward independently. I did have my little temper tantrums, there’s no point hiding it. I am only an anthropoid legume after all, but all said and done, if she had bended the knee, I’d have willingly let it become my habit at that time and might not have gained my footing so firmly post stroke. Having said that, it is a matter of tying the carrot to the stick as opposed to using one or the other. The balance of guiding without pushing or pulling is a challenge.
