For some time a colleague at work has made me feel uncomfortable about my disability following a stroke.
I am not sure if it is just thoughtlessness or it is workplace bullying.
I have been made to feel uncomfortable when on days when I work from home. Which was agreed under terms of reasonable adjustments.
I find communication when I work from home is practically non existent and when I return to the office I am constantly left in a difficult position when information I should have in my possession has not not been shared with me.
Recently when challenged about some information she had not shared with me her reply was
Do you not remember the conversation. I think you get a little bit muddled.
I have been left with a visual impairment following my stroke and working from home makes it easier to use dictate products in a quieter enviroment.
I have never discussed with this colleague the reason for working from home.
It has been suggested if I discussed this with them it may help .
I have had a friend state that they feel this workplace bullying and I should discuss this with my line manager
Have others suffered this sort of problem when returning to work.
@J_Pres really sorry to hear of the difficulties you’re experiencing at work. No one should be made to feel like that.
I’ve copied in a link below from ACAS which defines bullying but basically if you feel like you do then you should raise it with your manager so they can deal with it.
It may be that they don’t realise or it could be deliberate. Either way if you don’t raise the issue it won’t get any better.
This feels like gaslighting, I had experience of it during the first year of stroke. I have a problematic working memory due to stroke damage but to save explaining the specifics of it, I would let people know my memory was affected, and left it at that. Some people played on this and would bring up imaginary conversations or statements, thinking that I would accept it as bona fide due to my poor memory. However, , working memory is part of the executive function and can be argued as different from short-term or long-term memory. So, I was very aware that they were gaslighting me which they didn’t like when exposed for it.
This was not in a work scenario. In my view, everyone can get muddled, confused, forgetful, and tired. However, we stroke survivors can experience these things as a direct result of brain damage. The former should not be defaulted to the latter, but the latter can be applied to the former when apposite.
Gaslighting a stroke survivor, in my view, is manipulative and a form of bullying. It may stem from thoughtlessness, but I’ve always been a little sceptical of “thoughtlessness” post-stroke because I’ve now had to perceive my actions through the lens of someone who at times has no control over thought processes as opposed to someone who has relatively full control of their mental faculties.
I guess the way forward is to try and encourage others to recognise just what your limitations are due to stroke, and that a brain injury doesn’t necessarily mean that everything is problematic.
Hi welcome back after considerable absence
I hope in other ways your recovery has been progressing well? I’m sure we’d all be interested
There’s a lot that we probably don’t need to know but you need to consider & that you haven’t told us.
Like do you work for a government sector organisation, the third sector, a listed company all of which are likely to have documented codes of conduct and policies and procedures on all of disciplinary/ complaint and grievance needs. Alternatively you might work for a mum and pop corner shop that doesn’t have any of that but the owner is accessible. Or something in between for example a regional manager who acts as a local site MD / CEO of an organisation that has grown to the point where it is considering formalising its governance but hasn’t yet!?
Depending on the context ive few thoughts on several different themes that will manifest themselves in different ways
One is I would de personalise and speak to HR / chief people officer / owner about establishing and maintaining psychological safety in the workplace. Ie establish where the ground rules lie before you engage in any investigation clarification or even dispute.
I’d also recommend the process that is exemplified by the acronym phrase " a step later " you can find a explanation on this blog post .
I’d also suggest you assertively but not aggressively take it up with the person causing you angst.
There appear to be at least two threads in what you’re seeing: one about motive or tone or intent to be nasty, secondly that you’re not being kept informed - a question here is “is this lack damaging shareholder value/taxpayer value for money?” If so that introduces a new dynamic on your side.
Their not informing you may be oversight, It may be they believe there are other back channels in place, It may be that they believe the initiative to be informed lies with you, they could just be not very competent in their role, they could see you as intimidating frightening unfriendly… Ad infinitum - all sorts of things that are quite innocent or reasons to justify from their side could be in play. Equally they could just be being evil towards you but I would say that is only one of many possible explanations and will be in a stronger position should you need to be if you don’t assume it to be the default one without having investigated and thereby having concerns that can be exemplified in concrete terms to others.
Maybe you Can do this Either by talking them to directly or by talking to a trusted third party who then approaches them on your behalf.
For the investigatory conversation I suggest a sentence structure of " when you <behaviour(s)> I feel <emotion(s)> which I would like to understand/ you to understand/ us to moderate… I would like to talk to you about establishing my psychological safety / My needs/ erasing your evil behaviour… I don’t recommend the last one
I suggest you have examples in the sentence structure for each of the instances in “a step later” that you feel are the three to pursue - see the explanation for the reference to " three"
I have been to my union because of a situation which arose between this person and another team member who she ended up shouting at and banging her hand on the desk in anger. This was because the team member did not want me kept out of the loop about a new process she was bringing in at work which I should have had oversight of.
This team member has taken out a formal grievance and the investigation is ongoing.
I have been told that we are a friendship group and in an alliance.
Something I whole heartedly deny.
The recent Neonatal Nurse Case and the talk about how management tried to cover up and shut down complaints springs to mind I am afraid
, working memory is part of the executive function and can be argued as different from short-term or long-term memory. So, I was very aware that they were gaslighting me which they didn’t like when exposed for it.