4 years post stroke. Devastating visual, sensory, and physical impairments. But the real killer is the mental health. Last week I completed a 6 hour neuropsychological evaluation. I wasn’t surprised to hear that my cognition/problem solving is above average.there is some concern with memory, but I already know that. Yet again my mental health takes center stage. The real problem is the severe major depressive order ive been in for 4 years. Turns out that they believe my depression is not from my circumstances, but more of a mechanical problem. Just lik emy brain doesn’t communicate with my leg, my brain also cannot regulate my emotions. I’ve suspected this as well. For all these reasons I was fully expecting to be admitted to a psychiatric facility. Basically I was told that im not a candidate because of my history of treatment resistant depression as well as my hypersensitivity. They are probably correct. I would not last 1 night in there. So I’m sent home. Her recommendations include maintaing my current “ brain helpful” activities. My consultant through all this is a neuropsychologist. She endorsed my daily use of cannabis” stating do whatever works for you. Thats it. I took it as a death blow, in the sense that I should not expect any improvement. We all know that improvements are few and far between, but i was sure my depression could be managed with acute care. Guess not. Ive learned to live with half a body, but a half a brain? I rarely if ever come here looking for advice. I much prefer to give it. But here I am. So my question stands what do I do now? Lithium, prozac, wellbutrrin, Adderall, Addison and many other medication only make things worse. Talk therapy has yielded some benefits, but honestly I feel like ive done so much of it that I could be a therapist. A really good one at that. I guess it’s just me and a bag of weed forever. Sorry for the long post but my heart and head are exceptionally heavy today.
Hello Chlodog - I’d like to help you, but I have to say that this is not something I am at all familiar with (not that I am familiar with anything). However, if you will allow me, I would like to try.
To do so I have to try to understand what exactly it is you are not happy with or seeking help on.
You say you use cannabis and this is helping, but it is not enough?
Medications don’t agree with you or fix the depression and the medics don’t have anything more to offer?
Can you build on this?
My question to you is what is stopping you from being your own therapist and a really good one at that?
You say you much rather give advice - and I know you do this and you do it very well 
How about you do this
Take a photo of yourself and put it on the table or on the wall and imagine you are the patient who is asking for the advice you see.
Not put on your advisors hat and talk to the person in the photo and give them the best advice you can give as the therapist that you are.
Does this sound like something you can do?
When I find myself in need of advice, this is what I do.
I was told that you can solve problems by “Talking to a brick” and I believe this to be true.
I wish you peace of mind
I am familiar with Cannabis, having taken it with THC for medicinal purposes post-stroke. My advice would be do chuck pharma in the bin and equalize with the Earth to synchronize your brain with Earth’s Schumann resonance… alpha waves. I am talking about Earthing ; it’s the only thing that can help you, in my opinion.
good luck, R
Schumann resonances are global electromagnetic resonances generated by lightning discharges in the cavity formed between the Earth’s surface and the ionosphere.
These resonances appear as distinct spectral peaks at extremely low frequencies, with the fundamental frequency around 7.83 Hz, and higher harmonics at approximately 14.3, 20.8, 27.3, and 33.8 Hz.
The phenomenon occurs because the Earth-ionosphere space acts as a spherical waveguide, allowing electromagnetic waves to resonate at specific frequencies determined by the Earth’s circumference and the speed of light.
The frequencies can vary slightly due to changes in the ionosphere’s altitude, influenced by weather, climate, and solar activity.
These resonances are primarily excited by global lightning activity, with about 2000 thunderstorms occurring simultaneously worldwide, producing roughly 50 lightning strikes per second.
Observations of Schumann resonances are used to monitor global lightning patterns and have been linked to tropical air temperatures, suggesting potential applications in tracking climate change and variations in upper tropospheric water vapor.
The resonances are measured using specialized instruments, including horizontal magnetic inductive coils and vertical electric dipole antennas, typically operating within a 3–100 Hz passband.
The fundamental frequency is approximately 7.83 Hz, which overlaps with human alpha brainwave activity associated with relaxation
Thats a lot to digest but I like it. Im not completely familiar with grounding. I am quite cozy with healing frequencies. It provides me with immediate, tangible benefits on a daily basis. Thanks for your input, you have much to offer. @ManjiB i have responded to your post. Unfortunately it has been flagged. I think i understand why, but it’s a bummer because I was highly complimentary of you. Thank you .
Something to look into ; and I will be publishing a video clip on this in the next few days
@pando is there a correlation between earthing and human touch? I ask because there has been no greater influence on my wellness than holding hands with my wife. Its powerful. Im interested in this but easily overwhelmed. Hope you can d"dumb it down” for me. Looking forward to your video
You are exchanging Chi or Qi with your wife. She is giving you Qi. Mine does too. This topic is Qigong (look up Chunyi Lin) ; the “Skill of manipulating Qi”
It has something to do with Earthing (look up Clint Ober) in that all humans conduct what is called bio-electromagnetic energy. Electricity, if you like; we are highly conductive, since we are 2/3 rds water. Actually when we are born we are 99% water, and 50% when we reach the end of life. Water itself has a 4th state, crystalline in nature, and water has polarity and structure. Look into the work of Gerald Poulet.
My channel is all about the healing power of nature, nutrition, minerals, Qi, faith and all the tools we need to thrive. It is what I wished I had known after my stroke. Nobody could help me much. Hopefully I’ve given you some leads !! enjoy
R
Hi Chlodog - don’t worry about the flag - it is a safety precaution and the flag is raised if certain sensitive words are used. As I understand it, it is to protect the vulnerable and also stop abusive behaviour etc. I have been flagged before, but once it is reviewed, it will be released or the moderator will explain why it has been flagged and what you can do about it.
I am glad you found my post of use
@Chlodog have you considered laughter therapy?
I have the same but opposite condition to you, laughter. All emotions were switched of after my stroke. I was emotionally number to everything, even down to likes and dislikes, they were all switched off. But laughter wasn’t! And you might not think that would be such a bad thing, but the last thing you want to be doing is bursting into laughter when some is giving you grave news or seriously ill, or any number of other serious situations I won’t bore you with. But it upsets people, and they can get cross with you. It’s even trickier earlier on when I couldn’t even speak to explain what was going on.
It has eventually mellowed out quite a bit, though I do still get anxious at the likes of funerals 
But I learnt to control it over time through the use of funny video clips on YouTube and TikTok. I’d easily spend an hour or so scrolling through them and laughing until my sides and throat hurt. Over the years that greatly reduced to a more normal level, so that when I scroll through them, I’ll only laugh at the odd one and I don’t need as long, as they become more predictive to me I lose the urge to laugh.
Basically, what I was doing for myself was burning out my laughter each day. No, it didn’t always work when and where I needed to, but it did help by burning it out, it did lessen it at the height when I had this issue.
So, why don’t you spend an hour a day finding things on the internet that only make you laugh. Funny animal…cats and dogs in particular, and toddlers were my go-to to get me laughing. If/when you get the laughter going don’t stop until it hurts 
Its not nonsense I’m talking. The more your brain has to access that side of the brain that controls emotions, particularly the laughter, then the more it’s going to have to concentrate its attention to rebuilding the signals to the more positive positive emotions of the brain. And because laughter fires up the feel good endorphins it will also play a positive part in the rebuilding/reawakening. Thus taking concentration away from the negative areas of emotion such as depression, anxiety etc.
I know what I’m trying to say but I hope that you understand it enough to give it a go 
Lorraine
I i find nothing you said nonsensical. In fact it makes perfect sense and I do understand your theory. I call it changing the channel. Early on I was stuck on one channel all the time. But now it’s like the channel won’t stop changing. I am very responsive to humor and am quite comedic. Its so bizarre, this stroke life. You could sit next to me for an hour and if I didn’t move you’d know nothing was wrong with me. Well maybe!
But if you could read my mind, you’d probably get a migraine.
Im reaching out for support this time because I’m scared. Thats a feeling I’m unfamiliar with. What am I afraid of? Ill tell you. My cognitive, analytical mind is almost hyper aware. I truly feel “smarter?” than before my stroke. I feel like I see everything. And what i see is me slowly losing my mind. Not because of my circumstances, but from a TBI. I will continue my recovery routine for as long as I can. Thats scary too, because I’m doing all the right things. You know when you get to the point where all you can do is eat right, exercise, and drink plenty of water.? Been doing that for years. So now what? Thank you @EmeraldEyes You must clearly recognize that im struggling a little harder than ever and just need to “talk”.
Talking it through here helps you look at it from different perspectives
Distraction is a good key for dealing with feelings such as fear, anxiety, depression, anger etc etc. But you don’t always have the elements to distract you.
You can’t control being scared but you can distract yourself from the feeling of being scared.
Ignorance is bliss, and up until we all had our strokes, we were all truly and blissfully ignorant of our mortality. We knew about illness and death, but now we’ve been made very much aware of it. And we know it just can’t be controlled, it really is out of our hands. So we do the only thing we can do, manage our health through diet and exercise and medication and quietly ponder or fear the inevitable.
So now what you have to do is distract yourself from that fear, stop your brain from catastrophising, from dwelling and maudlin on it. You have to give single minded focus on the on the here because that’s where you live! To begin with, you’ll have to work hard and often to distract yourself away from it. Daytime is naturally easier than night time. Likewise its easier surrounded other people and their lives than alone. Which are you, alone or surrounded?
But everyone is alone at night, even when sleeping right next to your spouse. That’s the hardest time to stop thoughts encroaching. Your fear of the uncontrollable needs to be given the proverbial boot each and every time it encroaches on your mind. I regularly shout f-off in my head whenever such maudlin thoughts come knocking in my head I keep as busy as I can. I’ll have the tv on in the background or music I can sing along to. If I need silence I’m usually reading or doing puzzles. My hubby and 2 children distract me with there lives as well as all the relatives. And every day I’m usually out for a couple of hours at the gym, various other fitness classes, shopping, social, entertainment etc etc etc…not all at once though 
So my mind is more focused on or consumed with the here and now. The future doesn’t matter to me, it’s not happened yet!
My mind is too busy keeping track of times, routes, plans, lists subject matter, schedules, appointments, things etc etc etc, which is an exercise in multitasking in itself for my stroke mind. As I’ve improved over the years I’ve left my mind with very little room for fears of the future and thoughts of my mortality to encroach. And when they do I still give them the f’ing boot because my future and life is out of my control.
My mum had Alzheimer’s, my hubby’s dad too, so naturally we worry for children caring for us, should either of us get it. You make what plans you can and then bury your head in the sand. It’s all you can do, because there is bugger all you can do about it! And besides, its still a big IF, not a When! And in the meantime you could step out under a bus in the morning, then all those scary fears become just a lot of wasted time and energy you could have better utilised.
What you have found out is that you are not crazy, you don’t need to be institutionalised, so what are you going to do with yourself for the remainder of your life in the post stroke condition you are currently in. Figuratively speaking, I bet you had your bags packed ready and waiting to be sectioned, not cut free. Now you are floundering with your future ahead of you, what are you going to with it? That’s what you need to be focusing on. Have you joined any local stroke groups or any other social groups, any hobbies, can you sing, could you join a choir or any other interests to take you out of yourself, help you forget you even have a condition for a short while? You could even sign up as a volunteer visitor at the local hospital, if you are able. Visiting those even less fortunate than yourself could be enough to distract
I think that one applies to many stroke survivors. I know the first time I walked into my aphasia group I was hard pressed to know who was who until people started to try to speak 
Lorraine
@ManjiB you are absolutely on point with all your advice. I appreciate your input. There’s some solid, valid reasoning in everything you said. But here’s my dilemma. I can effect change in my thought process and put myself in a better place. The problem is the depressive episodes come and go like the wind. Completely unpredictable and random. My brain gets to a certain point and just goes haywire. Thats out of my control. The meds? They had effects on me ( mostly unwanted ). In particular, may cause suicidal thoughts. Thats the one I cant mess around with but thats a completely different thread. Cannabis? Its my go to, especially when things are tough. Its a physical act that in and of itself gives me something to do, which is critical. And the effects are immediate, which can be more critical. Is it enough? Im afraid it appears that it might have to be. Thanks again @ManjiB . I really like your vibe. Its helpful.
So true ! A person famously known for claiming to have cured himself of a serious illness with laughter is the American journalist and author Norman Cousins
Chlodog - this is not true. You just haven’t found a way to control it. Try breathing exercises and mindfulness.
I am not an expert and right now my memory banks have archived materials that are harder to access, but there has been serious discussion and concerns about anti-depressant drugs and the side effects such as self-harm and self-termination. It may even have been discussed on this forum. The NHS advises you ring 999 or got A&E when you have these thoughts, but if I am not mistaken you have nit had any joy on that front?
Don’t give up.
@EmeraldEyes and @pando recommend laughter - I concur. It really is a good medicine. There are many ways to laughter.
Breathing exercises - try this. It makes a difference.
Walking - go for walks, get air into your lungs.
You can do it!
Laughter - clup.
There is much information in the web about the health benefits of laughter.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Bo big mystery here. Its the proverbial post stroke roller coaster. Ups and downs. I can easily recognize the patterns now. I know the good days will return. I also know that the bad days will return. I have great reason for hope. Since my stroke i taught myself how to build fishing rods. That checks off a lot of boxes for me. Thanks to all of you for listening to my driveling. I tried to upload a Pic of my work but am unsuccessful.
It’s from this post.
This made me laugh Chlodog - it’s totally weird what makes people laugh but I felt good almost immediately!
How are you trying to upload the picture?
It might be a size problem?
