**We see on adverts and things we can be aware of are drooped mouth etc the physical effects but no one says about the emotional effects, the sadness the deep grief for our pre stroke life the independence it takes away, the unexpected crying bursting into tears, the laughing when not appropriate and for me the DEEPdepression that hit me for feeling a burden on my loved ones ( who never made me feel that way) but you know their life has changed too. My daughter and son used to go to the gym regularly whenever they wanted to, they travelled abroad, that kind of thing not worrying that they are leaving me! I watched I knew. The effects of noise that affects my head too much talking or too many people within my vicinity at the shops, hospital waiting room etc the hidden fatigue.. anyone relate?, **
Sue1958. Thatts all so true. Actually I knew nothing about strokes until I had mine almost 3 years ago. I think its the things I used to enjoy but now find difficult or impossible that hurt the most.
I used to love a wander round the town browsing the shops etc but now that’s impossible and shopping is done on line. Going to the theatre is possible but difficult. Can we park the car near the theatre, make sure the seats are at the end of a row, wait till the crowds have gone so I dont get knocked. A long beach walk - cant be done. Walking in the sand virtually impossible. Im still having physio. Does it help? Honestly I dont know! But it might do so I carry on. No more gardening. If I got down I certainly wouldn’t get up again! Every outing needs planning and holidays are now taken not too far from home and need mega organisation.
However, I now do wobbly walking with my stick, even more wobbly walking around the house minus my stick! I drive my car locally, visit friends and moan at those who have high steps into their homes! We go out for meals, coffees, and visit local pubs. So why am I moaning? I think because I have lost a lot of independence and freedom. But I am alive!
I agree @Sue1958 but guess it is difficult to say about those things as they are different for everyone. For me the loss of independence was thebug thing initially. Slowly I have regained some of it buta long way from pre stroke life. However, I hace gained some things too…a slower pace of life was more welcome than I realised. I could do without the fatigue & feeling rubbish most of the time but I still have a life & for that I am grateful.
Hi @Sue1958 you have echoed my thoughts. I feel sad not just for myself but also the impact my stroke has had on my husband and my 3 grown up kids. As others have said life is not the same but can still be good.
It’s 8 years since my hemorrhagic stroke which paralysed my left side and not a day goes by when I think of everything I’ve lost and I worry about what the future holds as I get older.
I am grateful for my friends and family and we eat out and socialise regularly and have travelled abroad on a couple of occasions but it does take a lot of organising.
As no 2 strokes are the same, no 2 recovery paths are the same and that is why this community is so valuable.
I will never give up trying to improve my life but sometimes it all gets really tough and that’s something everyone here can understand.
Best wishes and regards
Sue
Good evening
Although i have had not suffered a stroke, my husband did 20 months ago. We have come along way from the right side paralysis and zero speech and i know the journey ahead will be equally long and testing. I have done everything i can to get Lee improving. He now walks a lot better with his new orthotic (turbo med) and we can have a bit of a simple chat and we do exercises physically and mentally.
I do feel a bit of a dark cloud over me at the moment and i am trying not to show it to lee.
I know this will pass and my glass will be half full again but we both miss the spontaneous life we used to lead, the little holidays we used to have as he loved driving and not just planning and thinking of everything.
It will get better but just sometimes it does get the better of me.
I have always been proud of my husband and he continues to surprise me with what he finds he can do now but in a different way.
Sounds like you have a head on your shoulders. There is no pretty, happy ever after ending to this story. I think you know this.
Sorry but what story works out like that anyway, in real life, and out of fantasy city.
When you learn, and learn you must, how to deal with the downside of stroke you will find that there is a life to be lived. Your choices may be limited but what life does not have restrictions, rules, fixed directions.
The sooner you can accept that a traumatic, life changing, confusing, cruel event has happened to you, not someone else, then you will be in a position to move on to find a new way, new answers and a real life with ups and downs just like there always were.
There are loads more of us who have been through and are going through all that. You might be sad but you are not alone. Sadness won’t get you anywhere anyhow.
Good luck, share your experiences, hold your head up and try enjoying your existence.
There is a life worth being a part of.
keep on keepin on
I took my husband out for a drive today and he was very quiet and then started crying saying he so missed being able to drive.
I guess we will miss a holiday this year. We used to go away in June and Sept.
It’s the planning and remembering stuff that gets us both and we don’t like it.
My husband has so many parts of his body that need exercise or therapy that it wears us out trying to do it all. Speech, arm, hand, leg, foot, face etc. then we feel guilty if we don’t do it all.
I can fully under your feelings and emotions, it a domino effect on us all who are affected in some way. I’m glad to hear your Lee is improving and sounds like he’s made enormous progress with your support too ( don’t forget you’re input on it too) it’s a journey for sure with lots of diversions a long the way x
I understand where you’re coming from even a day out there’s so many things to cover journey where are the disabled toilets, a disabled toilet key to get in them lol to name but a few things
I’m aware of that. Bob. I guess it depends on your life existence and the family around you, there are 3 disabled in my home, and each of us help each other like a knife fork and spoon, but we can’t switch off feelings towards the people we love and adore, accepting yes totally but it’s still ok to FEEL once we give that up we can become hard, bombastic and unsympathetic, I’d like to talk about reality day to day life and feelings not far in the future hopes and dreams.they have a place sure they do but realistic goals are better or we don’t achieve then feel we’ve failed. Yes I’d like to hope I’ve learnt something over my 66 years lol and I’m a realistic person with acceptance then living a life differently, I get where you are coming from. I was a carer now I’m being cared for! Hard to accept when for 42 years of marriage I’ve been a giver..I’m sure some other carers might understand. I’m working on getting out and about at the moment does cheer the soul, if only to feed the ducks
I to so fully understand what you are saying . I’m currently on holiday in Spain at our place we would normally come to 4-5 times a year . My poor wife has had to change everything around me . Assisted flying , making sure there’s hardly any walking involved in anywhere we go . The change of plans due to fatigue at the last moment . No walks along the beach etc. the feeling of being a burden to family is a hard one as that’s how I feel knowing it is impacting her holiday massively. Looking at the swimming pool so inviting hoping that sometime during our stay I will have the energy to at least get in. As most of you have said we are still here , try to make the best of it .
Absolutely know how you feel that fatigue is awful
Keep going Mick - you’ll get there.
Your wife is your angel - be nice to her 
Her love for you is what keeps her going.
Try and find things you can do together, even if small. Sharing gives so much pleasure.
Build yourself up and you will be able to for the dip in the pool.
Enjoy your holiday 
If there’s too much therapy to do all each day try alternating it. Concentrate on one thing today then something else tomorrow. I found it took so much time up I couldn’t do it all so sometimes I skipped some bits & made them a higher priority the next day.
Excellent advise, thank you
No, I know nothing of all that (sarcasm)
I was just suicidal for a year
I know that feeling , I even reached out for help didn’t get any though
I had times when I wish the stroke had killed me, not now though almost a year on I feel differently, I hope you do too, been following to see more videos
Yes, absolutely, I’m happy to have braved the stormy days now
Thx, R
This is from a “carers” perspective…Yes, everything does change drastically…my wife had her “slight” stroke, in early April, and is considered one of the “lucky” one’s…her only physical difficulty is walking, but her memory loss is probably the worst thing…a very independent lady, she now struggles with everyday life, I take her everywhere in a wheelchair, we can go into a shop and buy something, and by the time we get home she has forgotten it, and will say “Oh I meant to get so and so”…I have to remind her that we actually got it…she also forgets to take her medication, and I have to prompt her…It is awful for the stroke “victims”, but here’s a big shout out to all the unpaid carers out there !!..Life does change dramatically for them as well…
You are absolutely right life does change for everyone around the person who had a stroke. I try and remember to thank my hubby dailybas without him I would be in a pickle…a bit less of one as time has gone on but at the start I couldn’t have done it without him.
All those who are carers are amazing people.