Hello wonderful people,
I know many have passed through, or indeed, live in the “twilight zone”. I certainly do. My days alternate between good and bad, like clockwork. I call these Yin and Yang. On Yang I have strength and my thigh muscles are soft. On Yin they are hard, near my hip. That’s not so bad, and as my innervation (the process of supplying nerves to muscles, brain & nervous system) progresses, so does my condition. A senior physio determined these are spasms, not spasticity. Yet there is so little information on the net; all it says about a spasm is that it can last for up to 15 minutes. Mine can happily last 15 hours. Hydration is good, magnesium relaxes muscles, but we don’t even know what causes a spasm. I think another word is needed in between spasm and spasticity. But anyway, so far, so good.
However, superimposed, on top of my Yin / Yang cycle I suffer from another, even more surprising cycle. Every 3 days a nerve that runs from my long toe up right my leg gets inflamed, becomes painful, and I cannot even walk: Hallux Day. So, today, I am barely able to get to the loo. This will next happen on Monday, then next Thursday, then next Sunday… etc. On the 2 days in between episodes the nerve will return to normal, and I will walk fine, albeit with a stick.
The 2 professionals that follow me closely, have opposite views. One is a top radiologist (Radiology plays a crucial role in the correct diagnosis of diseases through X-ray, CT scan, MRI, and angiography. It is one of the most rapidly advancing specialties within medicine), the other, is an “old school” TCM Chinese Doctor of high repute. I have known them for 20 years and have great respect for both. One believes it’s entirely a physiological problem, perhaps never reported before, and the other believes it is not a physiological problem. (I’m not revealing who said what.) Neither has heard of such a case, nor can I find anyone else, on or off the internet who has ever experienced such cycles. I cannot jinx these cycles, in fact no amount of ingenuity I apply can thwart their recurrence. So, I am grounded every 3 days; though I can stand up.
I have another problem in that my thigh becomes tight and hard as a rock while I sleep. Either I fold my leg as much as possible, or I get up in the morning to see it finally soften. A friend who comes to see me once a week says my body is telling me to rest. Perhaps it’s that simple, but if you think I’m living in hell, you would be right in that I may have my right foot in the door to hell. Yet I am a man of faith, and often pray to the Lord to see me though this dark patch of my life. Sometimes I think he is cross with me, but my faith remains unshakeable. I have even thought of ending my life, but I have a loving wife who would kill me for sure if I did that. The Lord would certainly not forgive me.
I do rehab, reading, meditation, Qigong, and of course exercise with caution every day. My focus on my recovery is great. People have suggested I turn it down; so I do that too, and sometimes just paint a picture or listen to music. If I didn’t have such an amazing wife, I would not have survived my stroke in the first place. I know we stay in this world a lot longer if we are loved.
I wish every last person who is fighting and suffering absolute maximum strength. With practice, patience & perseverance I hope we all get through our nightmares one day. I often wish people complete faith in their recovery, which I still do, but now I must include, and apply it, myself! ciao, Roland
My latest painting (last Hallux Day)