I am really struggling to cope emotionally and physically at the moment. I have been overwhelmed by sadness at what I have lost through having a stroke and fear and anxiety about the future due to changes at work.
Over the last few days I feel like I have lost my optimism for making a good recovery. I have been struggling with the changing sensations down the left side of my body as my mind tries to make sense of what it is feeling. The burning cold sensation on my left side is particularly bad at night and my joints feel stiffer and painful. I feel like I have 2 bodies joined together down the middle. I have really been struggling with the fatigue as well, as I am experiencing insomnia at the moment.
I donât know if some if this is due to medications as I have recently started on statins (rasuvastatin) and a medication to help with the over active bladder I now have after my stroke, which gets me up 4-5 times a night.
On top of this I have just heard that the company I have worked for over the last 9 years, has just lost the contract I work on and I will have to Tupe to a new employer from the 1st Nov, which is around the time I was hoping to start a phased return to work. This has made me feel so stressed and anxious as I am the main earner and is really impacting my recovery.
Things were so bad I reached out to a counsellor through my employers employee assistance programme at 4am this morning. They were really helpful and put me in touch with their legal people today to go over my rights in terms of the tupe transfer and my health problems and return to work, which has helped with some of the anxiety. They are also setting me up with 6 sessions of couselling to help me cope better with all these changes.
I feel there is not enough post stroke care and support in my area by the NHS and very little information. So far everything I have found out has come via this forum, which has been a godsend. I know that things will eventually resolve themselves with work but the change has hit me hard.
Itâs been a long time since I acted as an employee representative in a TUPE transfer, but I do remember that employees on long term sick leave should transfer as long as there is a reasonable expectation of a return to work, which I think must be the case with you if you have a phased return planned. Youâve done the right thing reaching out to the employee assistance scheme, and the legal advisors should be able to provide better information but if you want a bit of background this might be helpful: Does an employee on long term sick leave transfer under TUPE? | Osborne Clarke
Depending on the size of the transfer youâll probably have staff reps involved in the TUPE consultation, either elected or appointed by a union, so make sure that they understand your case and the legal position so they can advocate for you. I hope you can quickly get some certainty, you have enough on plate recovering from your stroke without having to deal with this.
@Lizzie22
To be Tupe over you have the same terms and conditions of your old contract. I went through this in 2014. Also every employer has an obligation to assist your recovery regarding your hours etc. I have also been involved in Union in the past. Most employers are happy to assist you get to a recovery point and all employers realise that with brain injuries that you have to accept as good as it gets. If you have dreadful employer they may try the capability route. Thatâs a complete no no as they are then discriminating. Speak with your union in your company you do not need to be a member and also this is on ACAS on the Net. Your employer needs to put something in place for your for the future. Support wise I mean. Good luck
@Lizzie22 sorry to hear youâre struggling at the moment. It sounds like there is a lot going on at the minute and you probably have less capability to deal with it all following your stroke. Just try & take 1 thing at a time & deal with the most important bits.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things in relation to the TUPE transfer. You transfer on your current terms and conditions but I understand the trepidation you will feel. It is bad enough going back after being off sick without having to deal with all that too. Perhaps you could ask for some meetings with your managers / the HR team to try & get some of your questions answered. I wonder if slightly delaying your return to work until the transfer has had chance to settle a but may help?
Not sleeping wonât be helping you either. If you could get a decent sleep that might make it a little easier for you too.
Hopefully the counselling sessions will help. Well done for reaching out. Also speak to your GP. They can also help.
@harimanjaro
Thank you so much for the advice and the link. It does add some clarity and I plan to look at the ACAS site as welll. The person from the employee support legal department advised I should still be transferred and l be entitled to all my current employment rights and sickness payments. I am also covered by the disabilities act as I have cancer.
I will also be speaking to HR in work and getting more information about how the transfer will work. We are a small on site team of 8 so not sure if we will have a staff rep but hopefully HR should be able to give some clarity. I will let you know how I get on, thank you again for your helpful reply.
@Bobbi
Thank you for your wise words, I found them very comforting and I have now printed them off as a reminder. I have always been a doer in life and dealt with problems/challenges by being practical and working my way through it, but I am learning that I cannot get through having a stroke by doing.
I was so worried about work and letting my colleagues down by being sick, that I forgot that when all is said and done, we are only every expendable to employers (no matter how much we like the people we work with) and that our health should always be more important.
I will be focussing my energy on my health from now on.
@Mrs5K
Thanks Ann.
I think I had just reached my lowest ebb the other evening, lack of sleep certainly wasnât helping.
I have arranged a meeting with HR and my current manager and you are right, delaying my return is a good idea. The past couple of days has made me realise I am definately not ready to return to work yet and shouldnât be pushing myself so hard to get there. I was letting my guilt over being off work sick for so long and increasing the workload for my colleagues that I nearly allowed it to push me into making the wrong decision. Lesson learned, self first work 2nd.
Thank you everyone for all the wonderful replies and advice, I am feeling much better today and have more direction on how to deal with the challenges ahead.
One of my many mottos.
It is never selfish to think of yourself, your health and your family. There is nothing more important.
I hope this is a lesson you do not forget and I say that because I think if you have lived in a certain way e.g. as you have where you have put work and work colleagues before yourself, it is hard to âunlearnâ or reverse that way of thinking. Also, and this may not apply to you, sometimes employers and work colleagues have ways of âmaking you feel guiltyâ or of taking advantage of your good nature and expecting you to do that little bit extra.
Good to hear you are feeling much better. It sounds like you have things in hand with work. We all forget that our health is more important than work. A few more weeks off will help in the long run & I am sure all your colleagues would prefer you back fitter and ready to go than back because you feel obliged when you arenât ready.
Hope the meeting with HR & your manager goes well..
Hi, been reading your journey, first you are not alone, I have found more help and advice on here than with the NHS. totally relate to your feelings about work and two bodies. I hope you are able to get some answers and peace of mind from people on here struggling just like the rest of us. The positive good news is that at least your work was able to offer you a service, not many companies do . hope your meeting goes well with your manager Mac x
@MacMcNamee
Thanks Mac,
Illness can be a very lonely place sometimes and just hearing from others going through the same struggles makes such a difference. No matter how much family and friends are there to support you its not the same as speaking to someone else who has lived through what you have.
I am lucky that I have support at home and I love them all for it, but I canât tell you how much difference it has made being able to talk to others on the forum.
The only person who understands a stroke is someone who has suffered one. Yes family and friends can be nice, but they have no idea what its like to be you, only stroke survivors understand. Going forward, good luck
Hi Youâve put that over so well. I do hope your physical effects of the stroke improve. Iâm sure the TUPE event will go well for you, and as has been said by others here, clearly in the know, do get yourself support from the reps, unions and advocates. All the best, be a positive as you can be.
Hi @Lizzie22, sorry to hear about your job and the anxieties this all brings on top of your coping with stroke. I think we can all agree on this site that stroke, fear and anxiety are always with us, either fear of having another stroke, or fear of having anxiety or both - and other things! I have been using a phone app over the last year or so to help with my terrible fears/anxieties and have found it does help, specially the breathing exercises/meditations e.g. breathing in for 5 seconds, holding it for two seconds, slow breathing out for 9 seconds. The phone app is called âAURAâ if you ever want to check it out, it has hundreds of different qualified people on there with their own methods, and you simply search through and try them out. I wish you the best for the future in your employment too;-) Take care, Bert.
@draytonmoore
Thank you for your kind words. So far I have been advised that I have protected employment rights under the 2010 disabilities act as I also have lymphoma cancer. My current employer will be getting our occ health to speak to the new employer about my situation and a phased return to work once I have tupeâd over.
Hi Lizzie. I also tried some apps as Bert suggested and they helped me a little however I also spoke to my doctor about lack of sleep and anxiety and he precribed me a mild anti depressant which helped me tremendously including my appetite. Your sleep at this stage is important for healing and also to make you feel more positive about the future.
