Hi,
I’m Alice. I’m kind of new to the forum. I have been lurking for a while but not interacting.
I had a haemorrhagic stroke in August 2022. It was a deep bleed caused by a small AVM, which appears to have sealed itself. My eye moments were affected, leaving me with double vision (corrected with a patch) and dizziness. Looking at screens was painful and exhausting early on and I am very affected by fatigue, so reading and processing information was difficult! (I also have slightly altered sensation but this is largely back to normal).
I am so much better than I was. My baseline has significantly improved, and I am able to move around the house almost as normal. I do have to pay a lot of attention to pacing my energy, which is frustrating but a constant learning journey.
Anyway, I was prompted to write because I had a bit of a stressful experience today, and wanted to share with some folk who may understand. I have recently started driving again, which feels like a huge step! My main differences are altered vision and energy limits (plus anxiety!) I went on a longer trip today, and still only to somewhere I could park easily and get a bus the rest of the way.
I purposefully chose to go the ‘long’ route to a retail park, instead of taking the windy back road. I was anticipating a bit of a queue, but didn’t realise there were 4-way control temporary traffic lights at the junction, so it took longer and was a bit more tiring. The retail park was a standstill of traffic, I realise it’s probably one of the busiest times of year for it. I do have like 15 years of driving experience pre-stroke, so I was ok, kind of on autopilot.
I found a space to park, and at this point everything got too overwhelming. I’ve recently lost my blue badge as I can walk farther than the limit. My sat nav was repeatedly telling me to do something different, and I didn’t know how to stop it during a manoeuvre (I’m also new to the car post stroke). I was reversing into a space between 2 cars. I realised on one side there were people in it, probably waiting for me to finish so they could go. I got really stressed about my angle and parking job, but decided it was good enough. When I went to get out, I realised there was also a person in the other car next to me, and I didn’t really have enough space to get out without my door touching their wing mirror. I super awkwardly squeezed out of the car while this guy stared at me. Then he got out to check his car. I said ‘I’m sorry’ and he responded ‘yeah, would it not have been easier just to move the car?’ a bit sarcastically. I just kind of looked at him blankly and left. There was absolutely no way to convey how much I’ve been through, and I suspected if I had tried, I would likely have been told I shouldn’t be on the road.
I was so embarrassed and stressed and overwhelmed and felt like giving up at that point (my bus literally drove away as I approached the stop). I cried a bit, talked to my husband on the phone, who comforted me, and encouraged me to keep going with my mission. I did manage the rest of it fairly smoothly in the end, including the drive back (the car had thankfully gone!)
Just hoping for a little bit of understanding from this community. Sorry for the long post, I have tried to keep it succinct!
Thanks x
for getting back behind the wheel 
It helps to know other people understand how this feels. I know I just need more time behind the wheel. I was thinking I should just take my time and let other people deal with it. I should extend that to parking 
onwards and upwards! 