Hi can anyone please help me I had a stroke 5 years ago and I’m left with left side hemiparesis a lot more s#!! Has happened to me since then and because I haven’t been able to process and accept my stroke and what its done to me everything else has piled ontop of me. I basically live to get my last 2boys 21yrs and 15yrs through school and on their way to life and see my pets(who mean the world to me) to their end of life and then I just want/intend to go to sleep and not wakeup. I have lost everything I’m broken, exhausted, lonely, in pain, freezing cold and miserable all the time if I was an animal you’d put me to sleep I have no quality of life anymore, I cant seem to find any counseling that can help me with the amount of s#!! I need to work through can anyone give me any advice?
@Pet Petrock Bottom and struggling is a place too many of us have been. Its a god awful predicament to be in. There’s no sound reason to have any hope or feel any sense of self worth or value. No reason to feel needed or think things will ever get better. Everyday is a struggle just to see nightfall. Then night time comes and you think “ finally, I’ll get some sleep and some rest.” Then subsequently, lay in bed for hours unable to sleep a wink. “ i just want sleep!” A simple request. Just close my eyes and go to sleep. And I can’t even do that right. Its cruel and unusual punishment and I dont deserve this. Thats all very true but it’s not helpful . You asked for advice. Here goes. You have children and animals who depend on you. Get up, when you can of course, do what you can to fulfill these obligations. You dont have to be the world’s greatest parent, only your children’s best parent. The stroke took some of abilities but it didn’t take away your capabilities. If youve been living the stroke life for 5 years, you know all this. I believe my 3 kids are better people from watching me hit rock bottom way too many times and fighting like hell to get back. Of course, without the kids I’d have much less motivation to keep going. So my advice is to keep going, for the kids and pets. Those are two groups who need you. Its not about us anymore. Keep scratching, working, struggling. You never know what might happen tomorrow. Relief may come in very unexpected places. Good luck and please keep going. You and your kids are worth it.
Hi Pet, firstly welcome and I’m sorry stroke has dome this to you, it comes and takes all your best things and leaves you with a shell of who you once were.
At varying degrees went through this and if I could have made it to a Swiss clinic would have but then things slowly improved. I’ve been through anger, rage, denial, remorse, and so much more but slowly life gets better.
Today I’m lucky back at work,struggling a little but getting there, I’m again lucky getting back to gym and my hobby of martial arts albeit slowly and not like before- but still getting there so it’s a win. You have two kids who’ll always need you that’s what mum’s are for. Take time and heal please don’t let stroke win it doesn’t deserve it, check in and talk as much as you can or want. Sound off most likely someone here knows from lived experience how “it” feels and been there and making it back setback after setback but still getting there. Take your time, hold your kids accept you and wishing you well on the journey and recovery.
Hello @Pet - I just want to welcome you to this community and hope you are able to find the help and advice you seek.
I don’t know how to help you, other than to say I am a carer for my Mum. She like you had a stroke and she like you has been through hell and possibly more. She was given no hope of survival and little or no recovery was expected even if she did survive. This was over six years ago.
You say you are living for your dependents - your boys and your pets.
Guess what - that is what Mum is living for. She pulled through against the odds, having been in bed for a month post stroke and on an IV drip to keep her alive. She never gave up, kept fighting and we were with her and we kept letting her know she should do what she feels is right for her and not worry about us and what will happen to us.
Her willpower and fight told us she was never going to give up and so we offered her whatever help we could. Today she is still here - she’s been through hell and back, on numerous occasions and each time she comes back stronger. You can read her story on this forum - it is well documented.
My advice to you and the advice my Mum would give is accept what has happened has happened - that is in the past. What do you want going forward? You want to look after your loved ones or be there for them? Then fight on. Be strong. When someone says “No” to you - don’t listen - do what is right for you.
These are not my words - these are my Mum’s words and it is her philosophy.
Myself and my two sisters are in awe of my Mum. We can’t believe how she has pulled through and how she gets stronger each time she is tested. She has blown all stereotypes out of the water and continues to prove the experts and cynics wrong.
Her story can be interpreted on any way one wishes and I am sure many different viewpoints will be taken. Facts are facts and no one can deny that where there’s a will, there’s a way. She has the will and she found the way.
You too can find the way, if you have the will.
I wish you the best and if my advice seems arrogant, improbable, inappropriate or unrealistic, I ask for forgiveness for suggesting it.
I wish you, your sons and your pets all the best.
I will say no more.
Namaste|
@Pet So much you have had to deal with, 
Good luck for more positive future xxx
Hi Pet,
Welcome to the group, I am so sorry you have reached such a low point. Stroke in many ways can feel like grief, and like grief has to be worked through and takes time.
2 years ago I was like you after going through 6 gruelling rounds of chemo, 4 hospital admissions for sepsis/infections, the list goes on… It cured my cancer but left me feeling dead inside and not wanting to live. It took a year and psychotherapy for me to start to feel like living again and a lot of support from my family.
Then 6 months ago I had a brain stem stroke which has left me with facial paralysis, loss of sensation down my left side, constant pain and fatigue. Again, I have had to battle with depression, anxiety and worry about having another stroke etc.
What I have learned from this is to seek the right help, and joining this forum is a good start for you. On here you will find compassion, advice and understanding from people who know some of what you are going through, as they have lived it too. The stroke Association offers a range of support and I would urge you to use any you feel are appropriate for you.
I would also urge you to speak to your GP about how low you are feeling, and ask to be referred to the mental health team for support and counselling. Feeling so overwhelmed makes it difficult to see a way out when you are low. I found speaking to the Samaritans very helpful, it allowed me the time and opportunity to talk through all the things that were happening and how desperate I was feeling. They offer ongoing support and are not just there for people who are suicidal. They are also available 24/7 by phone or email.
I am also having counselling, which thankfully was organised through my employee assistance scheme to deal with my stroke. If you are working it is worth checking whether your employer has a similar scheme.
Lastly I would try to share with your family how desperately sad you feel and how you are struggling. I have no doubt they have noticed, but may be waiting for you to make the first move.
You say the only thing keeping you going is your 2 boys and your pets, lean in to that for strength to keep going. It will take time for you to work through the things that have brought you so low, but I promise you they can be worked through and life can be worth living again.
Take care and keep in touch.
Liz
Hi @Pet
Welcome to the community, I’m sorry to hear about your stroke and how much you’re struggling with everything.
As some have mentioned going through a stroke really can be like going through grief and it’s important to talk whilst going through this process. You can either contact your GP to get a referral for some talking therapy or you can refer yourself through the NHS website. We also have some information on our website about emotional changes after a stroke which you may find helpful to have a read of.
I’ll also pop the numbers of a couple of places you could contact for help below.
Samaritans 116 123
Stroke Support Helpline:0303 3033 100
I hope some of the responses you have had are helpful, keep coming back and talking with our members this is a space you to get the support you need.
If you need anything whilst you’re using the Online Community, please don’t hesitate to tag me using the @ symbol and my username.
Anna