Hi
I’m Debbie I’m 51 and had my stroke 8 months ago, I was pretty active running half marathons and in a running club so it was a real shock to have a stroke.
I was very lucky and other than extreme tiredness and forgetfulness I feel ok.
Well when I say I feel ok I’m trying to prove to myself I am, I’m walking to and from work everyday a mile each way, I’m running 3 times a week and trying to lose a little weight as feel that couldn’t have helped.
I’m constantly thinking I’m going to die, does this go sorry to be morbid but it’s how I feel. Help any advice welcome xx
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Yes Debbie it’s par for course. First fear of having another stroke then death comes into focus. Can’t speak for everyone but after a few months, reassurance from medical professionals and chums at stroke support group those fears become less, three years on now for me , hardy give either house room. Stay fit eat healthier foods and I’m sure you’ll be ok. Paul
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Hi @Debcot
Hello and belated welcome after your joining in April!
The feeling of anxiety that another stroke will happen (If that is what you mean by ”worried about dying”) is pretty common especially if you were given no specific reason originally .
Some anxiety management / mindfulness techniques maybe appropriate to you. Start and trust him in your meds - I guess you got the standard basket load of blood pressure, statin, antiplatelet and the stomach protector maybe?
Ciao
Simon
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Twenty years years ago I had a heart attack (at 55 years old) and a week later another that knocked me right off my perch. When it came to it the actual dying was not an unpleasant experience. They had to make efforts to drag me back, though I had felt I was getting on quite well with the big red man holding the toasting fork.
For a year after that I tiptoed around certain that any second I would get clobbered again. I am sometimes slow coming to the obvious conclusion but eventually I realised that they, whoever they might be, had kicked me out and didn’t want me back right then.
Even after this stroke it seems I’m not what they are looking for. There is an inevitability that is waiting for its moment but I’m not hanging around when there are things to do and places to be.
These near death moments are traumatic, terrifying and have accompanied me for most of my life, but they don’t deserve much attention as they tend to be non events and as I mentioned before there is a more pressing agenda.
keep on keepin’ on
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…until, eventually, you discover that you don’t die, then you can get on with your life.
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Hi @Debcot and welcome:slightly_smiling_face: Nothing goes away, it just slips further to the back of your mind. It will still rear its head briefly from time to time. But you’ll get used to that as you get further along in your recovery. Its like a reminder to appreciate this second chance in life that you’ve been gifted. So dont squander it worrying all the time about the things you have no control over. And concentrate more on the positives in your life. You could be run over by a bus in the morning. So shove it away in a drawer to the back of your mind and concentrate on recovery and living 
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I’m sure I didn’t read that as you intended when you wrote it! Lol
It does raise its head whenever a little blip occurs in ones daily experiences.
Like you stand up and are a bit wobbly or your sitting and your leg goes numb where it’s crossed over or The one that keeps getting me is when I suddenly feel spacy - Which accounted for two trips to a&e in the first year - those feelings havn’t stopped happening but no longer results in me going to a&e.
Before my stroke amongst other topics I delivered training project risk.
Normally I asked people to write down secretly how many miles they thought you could drive between punctures when they’re done that I asked them to write down when was the last time they or a partner had had a puncture. Then I asked the class to share.
The people with a low number had generally had a recent experience and with the high number hadn’t. Then we discussed whether or not their experiences actually changed the reality or the perception
Doesn’t apply exactly the same to stroke where life’s style choices, medication, genetics etc all have an effect But it’s still relevant so…
Trust your meds and recognise that recent experience does not equal increased risk it equals heightened awareness. there are many other things that you’re unaware of and therefore don’t worry about 
Ciao
Simon
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Its a metaphor Simon…I think 
Or, to put it another way, there’s no point worrying yourself into an early grave over something that’s out of your control. So long as you are taking all the necessary precautions to stay healthy, then there’s not a lot more you can do.
But I know it not quite worded in the right order. Just blame it on my aphasia, darn stroke 
Thats one of the pitfalls for me trying to reply to posts on my mobile. I’ll look at it again later when I’m on my computer and wonder what I was trying to say. And editing on a mobile is just not suited to stroke brains 
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Words Yoda right proved order matters not
And in fcat the lttetrs dno’t metatr mcuh ehteir
4150 you d0n7 3v3n n33d l3773r5 !
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Actually Simon, that is something that happens frequently to me when reading posts. First attempt reads can sometimes look similat to that 
So I have to read posts a second time to understand what has actually been written. Deciphering can take some time on lengthy posts too. Anyway, we’re heading off topic now so we’d better stop now while the going’s good 
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@Debcot Hi & welcome to the forum. Great to hear you are getting on ok following your stroke.
Your feelings are pretty normal. A major event like a stroke does make you consider your own mortality. We all think we’ll live forever until something happens that makes us realise we won’t.
As time moves forward those feelings should diminish as you realise you’re doing lots of things & nothing has happened.
I applaud you on your walking & running. That’s an amazing achievement.
Best wishes
Ann x
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I love the YODA words out of order, letters out of order, using numbers for letters. That was my kind of entertainment!
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It is scary feeling that way. I do remember early on being a bit more fearful than I am now. It really makes no sense to me, since it was such a pleasant experience when I was on life support. I don’t so much fear dying but fear leaving my children without a home…
Sometimes now I think it would have been a terrible waste to die now, after all this hard work of recovery, but even that is silly, since all this getting better is what is helping me enjoy my time with my grandson and pets most especially.
The fear lessens with time, but as Emerald mentioned, it still pops up now and again. And so does the thought that I should have gone when they gave me a choice. Like Bobbi, though, I was kicked back to this life. (And I did ask for it, so I am grateful, just occasionally overwhelmed and forget to be thankful).
Best wishes on your journey and welcome to the forum. Hope we will see you here often.
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