Really low

It's getting to me today '! Feel such a failure and have ruined so many lives as well as mine !!

Jane,  You have not ruined lives.  Each person is responsible for how he reacts to what happens in his life.   You are only responsible for yourself, not anyone else.  Regardless of what has happened in your life, it's what you do now that counts, going forward- what you do with what you have.   You are already making the world a better place by being willing to share yourself and what you are going through with others on this website.   They won't feel so alone and isolated because you are here.   You are helping others.  And isn't that what life is about?   You'll be in my prayers tonight, Jane.  smiley  Love, Jeanne

Jane,my you have not ruined lives, so please get that idea out of your head. Stroke is a brain injury. You did not anticipate yours, just as I did not expect mine. The aftermath is very hard and every day reminds us of what we cannot do. However, but by bit and little by little we can do more. No one asks to be ill, but those around us do their best for us without judging us. I hope your mood improves.

Thank you . Am going to speak to my stroke nurse tomorrow I think!! Hate not being able to walk but getting there! Hand is defunct though and that malkes me sad! Thanks for kind words ! X

Thank you . Suspect my husband is more miserable than he lets on! And that makes me sad! Thanks for kind words x

Jane, my stroke hand lacks sensitivity, but I taught myself to use it. Try to utilise it as much as you can. I am right handed, so most cooking preparation is done with my right hand. However I can hold some things in my left hand, but cannot hold something heavy. Keep going please.

You haven't because you are you, and that is a positive in people's lives despite what has happened. There are plenty of nasty people in the world who ruin other people's lives, and mostly there is nothing wrong with them health wise (well, debatable). We may be hard work at times, we may be an inconvenience at times, we may be unpredictable, and not very useful at times. But mostly, we are good people, and we do our best to help others around us, no matter how small, and that counteracts all the things I have just aforementioned which at times may make us feel miserable about ourselves. At the end of the day, we value the person not the disability just as we put up with our friends sometimes inconvenient quirks because we value them for who they are. That is what makes us humane. 

I just also wanted to add, that now is the time for being a little selfish, getting used to saying "no" when we have to, and thinking about our health as a priority. At the end of the day, we aren't good to anyone nor ourselves or our loved ones if we can't recover to the best of our abilities. We need this time now also for ourselves and the good of our wellbeing as we would allow for others close to us were they to experience an impediment preventing them from living as they would like, and needing help throughout. 

I often joke with people close to me when they say, "Gosh, you're too young to have a stroke", (I'm 45), and I always respond to them that I thought I would get it out of the way for when I have to look after you lot! 

A thought just occurred to me, Jane.  Imagine if it was your husband that was the one with the physical problem.   It would be upsetting to see him with the problem-yes.  Now, add to that it he was dour, grim-faced, sad or seemingly very unhappy and depressed.   That would be even worse than the problem!!   I remember when my Dad was very ill with a heart problem and was wheel-chair bound.  That was hard to watch.  But even harder was the look on his face.  His unhappiness affected everyone and made us so sad.   So you can lighten your loved-one's  load by trying to be as happy and positive as you can be.   I know this may be hard.  But, hey,  we stroke survivors are used to "hard".  Just another idea.  Love, Jeanne

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Need to try harder I think? Just felt a bit overwhelmed yesterday ! Thanks Jeanne 

I just get very angry and mean spirited Rups which isn't me!!

I just get very angry and mean spirited Rups which isn't me!!

I dont know how I managed before I had this laptop and found the stroke forum. It has helped me such a lot I used to feel like you and felt I had nobody to turn to and hey found this site and ther is so many friends with useful advice that I dont kn ow how I carried on without it. Thanks to all of you itmeans so much to me. Keep smiling and I hope you soon feel better. Norma 

Hi Norma, and everyone else on the forum ?‍♀️.  This site is so helpful for carers, families, partners, friends etc I just couldn't have got through the last (almost) 4 years without the advice and support gleaned from the lovely people on this site.  You've absolutely hit the nail on the head - this site just keeps us going, we know we're not alone.  

The "My Messages" area is also useful, because you can spend more time and go into more detail than you might wish to do on the general forum. It's a shame that the messages disappear so quickly - if it's a busy day on the forum it's likely that you will miss messages as so few are listed.  It's a nuisance trying to search to see what you've missed!!

I contacted Colin the other day because I was missing him!  He's having a tough time with cataracts, but hopefully he will be back in touch soon, I know many of us have felt well supported by him during my time on the forum.  Hope you feel better soon Colin ?

Best wishes everyone xx

Hi Jane. You are not a failure though, but you have been dealt a very tough time. There is no 'magic' and I totally understand your frustration and annoyance. There are small improvements ahead, but not as quickly as we all hope for and not enough to return to the old 'normal' that we had spent our lives developing. 

I had one of these down days on Tuesday, but Wednesday and Thursday were slightly better. I hope today continues on the up for me, but also for you. 


Sending love your way.  With God all things are possible. Jeanne

Better day today after crying most of yesterday !! Having my first real fall yesterday didn't help! 

Thank you 

Jane. When I left hospital I was told to expect falls and had several in my first year home. I had a couple a year for the first three years. It's important to know how to get up from a fall there are videos online.

It's knocked my confidence a bit and have struggled to walk today! 

Yes, it does knock confidence, but you made yourself walk, which is a good thing. My favourite fall story is that one Sunday my partner and I visited a garden which was open to the public. We were in a woodland area and he had wandered off ahead of me. Then I fell.

I obeyed the rules on getting up and had just got on my knees when a woman appeared. She asked if I was all right. I thought to myself 'well, I'm not praying. I said I was fine and then got myself up. I am very careful these days but still have some balance problems. My exercise classes help enormously.