A bad start to the day, I had a brief visual migraine, something that I thought I had put behind me since changing my blood pressure medication. Not so bad in itself, but predictably the anxiety raised it’s head again, just when I thought I was coming out of that tunnel as well. As the anxiety rose so did the facial tingling, and suddenly I was convinced that the next TIA was about to happen. Of course it was all in my mind, but the mind is a powerful thing. The panic checklist that @Seddso shared helped: I’m healing; I trust my meds; this is fear, not danger, that I’m feeling. That and my daughter’s Fathers’ Day present to me:
It passed, I’m fine now, but it was a reminder that there are bumps in the road, progress won’t be linear and there will be setbacks. I think most people here know that already, but I’m still learning.
We are indeed a product of our minds and this feeling you have experienced will be familiar to all of us. I have twangs of disquiet each week, relating to disconcerting sensations, they pass and are not severe enough to warrant the worry I sometimes apply to them. Another useful technique I have learned from DBT is viewing these experiences scientifically, like a scientist, curious as opposed to emotionally attached. As if I am a scientist looking at a distance from the sensation. It’s very fact based. So, as an example, if I experience a strange pain at the back of my head, I might say to myself, now that’s interesting, the pain is on one side, it’s a throbbing pain but dull not agonising, and it is now causing my feet to go clammy which I gather means I’m feeling a bit anxious about it, how curious that my feet always go clammy when worried et cetera.
This sort of scientific examination of sensations is a safe dialogue for separating the emotional response from the sensation. It is neither fight nor flight, it is just curious observation. It helps me.
@Seddso far more awful than I ever would have thought.
@Rups an interesting perspective, I’m going to work on that.
@Mich-mm yes, I’ve climbed it twice. My brother joked that one more time and they’d have to rename it after me (my surname is Harrison, hence the portmanteau). I might be getting a bit old now, but I’m not ruling it out yet
Yes, the road to recovery is definitely full of bumps along the way. I have learnt over the last 3 1/2 years that some of the awful days I have are just that and will pass and I don’t need to worry too much. Having said that there is no harm in getting checked when very concerned.
Glad you are ok now. Loving tge father’s day gift.
I’ve climbed Mount Meru too, soon after my first time up Kilimanjaro. I was so fit and acclimatised after Kilimanjaro that I was leaving the guides behind! Well done on Mount Kenya, great to know that we’ve had some similar adventures.
I’ve done Mt.Kenya twice once with friends in my late teens and once at school when I was about 15.nothing quite like being on top of the world!ICamped on Meru and will never forget the colobus monkey calls in the morning,one of my favourite animals..
I am 10 months post stroke. I totally understand what you are saying. It has taken me 10 long months to understand that the brain fog and the difficulty focusing at times is not another stroke coming on but just part of my new normal that I have to learn how to accept and deal with. With this new understanding I am starting to have better days and longer periods of feeling a bit normal. Although I don’t think I will ever feel totally normal again. Hang in there- we are all in this together.
Hello and welcome to the community @Bmarinelli .
Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
It’s good to know you have come to an understanding of your condition and are starting to have better days and longer periods of feeling a bit normal.
@Bmarinelli hi & welcome to the community. It took me a while too to realise that all the rubbish days weren’t another stroke coming on & were part of the recovery process. I think once we realise that it helps us move forward a bit.
Good to hear you are having longer periods of reasonably normal & hopefully they’ll continue to get longer too.
Hello and welcome, @Bmarinelli. Your point about having learn to accept and deal with your new normal is a good one. We need to work with what we have, even if it’s not what we expected or hoped for. Which is actually a pretty good philosophy for life in general, not just post-stroke.
In a lot of ways, I am one of the luckiest ones. I had a major stroke with absolutely no warning, but as it started, I knew exactly what was happening as I lost my entire left side of my body. I remember thinking that there would be no coming back from this. In the ambulance, I should have been very scared but I had an overwhelming sense of calm. I got to the hospital quickly and was in an operating room immediately where they removed a large blood clot from the right side of my brain. Within an hour of surgery I started getting back function on my left side. The neurosurgeon told me that he expected some brain damage since the blood clot was big. After the MRI the next day, he told me that I had no brain damage and the only explanation was that God intervened. He called me a miracle. I walked out of The hospital on my own two feet several days later. Physically, I am pretty much where I was pre- stroke. It has been 10 months and I go to the gym 4 days a week. I work full time, drive my car, go out with friends. But my brain and my mind are not the same- not even close. I have periods of brain fog where concentrating on what is going on is difficult. Until recently, I thought the brain fog meant I was having another stroke and was terrified. I have learned how to mask so that I look completely normal when I am far from it. Often I feel detached and feel like I am watching my life unfold on a tv. I am learning how to cope with these things and I feel like I am making progress.
I have tremendous survival’s guilt because I was totally saved, while others were not so lucky. I have no idea why God saw fit to save me. I thank God every day for this gift and ask him to lead me to the things he wants me to do. As far as I am concerned, the rest of my life will be spent paying him back for this tremendous gift. Through this experience I now know that I took everything for granted- my health, my life, everything. My goal is to be thankful, appreciative, and be the person I am now meant to be. I do know how lucky I am and will use whatever time I have left to do good. All of your stories have given me so much peace. No one told me what to expect , what would be considered normal, or how to cope. But you all have. I am forever grateful to you all.
@Bmarinelli,as a devout atheist I’m afraid I don’t believe in a God but I do believe in love you either loved your life or your family so fought with all you’ve got to stay alive and the medics who cared for you were incredibly good at their jobs. I also suffer survivors guilt, concious of the many people who have had a stroke and didn’t make it. But as you say we made it against all odds here to continue to annoy and love those around us and hopefully make a difference before our time is up!
Thank you for sharing ypur story. To me it shows how big a difference getting that early treatment can make to someone’s recovery level. It is great to hear that you are doing so well physically. Tte brain fog is something else isn’t it in time that should start to improve for you.
Try not to have survivors guilt. Easy to say I know. Who knows why some of us survive & others don’t. Part of lifes rich tapestry. You have survived & it sounds like you are now trying to make the best of life. We all take everything for granted until something happens & we can’t any more. I know I am much more appreciative of things these days.
