Hi guys.
My mum had a stroke 4 months ago and physically has recovered well, however mentally she is struggling. She is constantly sobbing or screaming in anger at me which i am really struggling as i am her main carer, any advice would be gratefully welcome
Rhanhs caz
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Hi @Caz1973 and welcome to the forum. So sorry you’ve had join us but I’m glad you’ve found us.
A stroke is such a traumatic event, an assault on our brain, the very centre of our being, of who we are, the very core of self. Your mother will be in shock and grieving for the lose of who she was before. Her emotional roller coaster ride may also be, in part, the effect of the stroke, if the area of the brain that controls emotions has been affected. But only time will tell if that is the case.
As all stroke survivors have discovered, there is a whole lot more to it than meets the eye. It’s not just about recovering from the physical disabilities. It’s the hidden disabilities that she also needs to recover from such as short term memory loss, sensory overload, brain fog, cognition, fatigue, hearing as in noise can be too intense, temperament, vision, speech, the list is long. So yes, her emotions will be high, her frustrations will be high.
What you must not do, is take any of it personally. This really is a case of “it’s not you, it’s me”! And cognition will likely be playing the biggest part in her frustration followed closely by fatigue, short term most, thought processing slowed down, likely frequent headache. And these headaches come in several form from sharp pains to a burning sensation or a pressure/brain squeeze/thick head feeling.
The biggest piece of advice I can give you when she screams at you is to just leave the room. The very second she raises her voice just walk away. So long as she is in a safe place then just leave her alone to calm down. Don’t say anything just walk out; it could be for 2 minutes or 10 mins, and when you come back in just carry on calmly.
Have you spoken to her doctor about this? If not then you should! You could also try a calming herbal remedy such as Day Kalms but speak to her gp or the chemist first see if they are suitable for her with all the other medications she no doubt takes.
Hopefully this will start to calm down over the next few months. Me, I cried at first and then laughed a lot for the first 6 to 10 months. And yes I also got frustrated a lot because every day was a bit like Ground Hog Day, even the simplest of tasks so hard to complete.
It might also help to keep the home quiet and as clutter free as you can make it. Don’t have the tv or music on too loud. Don’t overload her mind with information, keep all information simple and minimal. Chances are you tell her 2 things she’ll forget one of them whilst she tries to hold on to the other. So don’t bombard her with the plans for the next week or 6 for instance, plans for tomorrow will be more than enough for her brain to process and store.
Try and get her to take frequent breaks, 5 mins or 15 mins here and there of just sitting with eyes shut to calm the brain and allow it a few minutes to process. It does still have a lot of healing to do and like any other major illness/surgery it takes 6 months to a year to recover from. Plus the brain has much to relearn in process and will take a lot longer. Stroke recovery is marathon not a race and you are going to read that phrase an awful lot around this forum 
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