My partner had a stroke last Wednesday afternoon. It was the culmination of several months of other medical stuff (gastrointestinal, fatty liver, atrial fibrillation and sleep apnoea), three GPs with different opinions and a massive bunch of stress and anxiety.
She’s been in the ICU now for several days, but wakes up agitated and has to be sedated again, and is still on a ventilator. She has opened her eyes on request and also squeezed a hand and recognises her name.
The first stroke doctor who saw her said he had seen much worse, and the second said that having seen her scan he expected right side weakness, (We have seen all limbs move, but the left more than the right. She moved her right arm at the beginning but not so much since) and a loss of speech.
I am autistic with ADHD, have fibromyalgia, type 2 diabetes, social anxiety disorder, clinical depression and have had two TIA myself.
I feel completely helpless to do anything and have no idea if I’m expecting too much or hoping for too much, or these things just have to take their time and the fact shes still on a ventilator isn’t something I should worry about too much because it takes some people much longer to get over the initial trauma, and she will progress as and when her body adjusts to what has happened.
I’m scared, I miss her (she is also my carer) and I don’t know what to say or do. Her family live hundreds of miles away and so I’m pretty much dealing with all this on my own.
Hi @2Weevils and welcome to the community. Sorry to hear of your partners stroke & about everything you’re having to deal with too. You have come to a good place to get advice & support & we’re not bad at listening either if you need to offload.
You will get sick of hearing this but it is very early days for your partner yet & only time will tell the extent of her stroke affects. Recovery is a marathon not a sprint & you will likely need to prepare for that. There are some encouraging signs though as you mention she can move her limbs, recognises her name etc. I suspect they are keeping her sedated at the moment as that is the best to help her through these early days. Her brain needs to rest as much as possible & being sedated will help it do that.
At this stage all you need to do is be there to reassure her. Talk to her about anything & everything. In time you will need to do more so take this opportunity to look after yourself & get yourself ready for what is to come. What that is will depend on how she is affected.
You have been through a massive shock too so it is natural to be scared & to miss her. But she is still there. You have a lot going on yourself so on top of that it will make everything seem so much worse.
You can look into care packages etc when the time is right but the hospital can advise on all that. Right now just take it one day at a time and try not to think too far ahead. It will all work itself through.
Hi @2Weevils and welcome to the community. I’m so sorry to hear your partner has had a stroke. This is a very distressing time for you but she is in the best place and receiving the best care possible.
It is a long slow process, and complete rest in these very early days means the brain can concentrate on repairing what damage it can, without the external influence to divide its attention.
In the mean time you to take of care of you. I think you should contact the Stroke Association direct. There is much that they may be able to do for both of you with advice and guidance. Their contact details are in the link below.
I can’t tell you not to worry, but you need to concentrate on looking after yourself. It wouldn’t help either of you if you were to wind up in a bed beside her. Contact her family if you haven’t already. Do you have any family or friends to call on for support?
I relate to these feelings totally…altho not quite the same , I had to deal with my own stroke 14 months ago all on my own…you identify here what to think …it will take time to sort itself out, it’s very early days, the doctors seem on top of it now, so all you need to do is be by her side for now and as others have said look after yourself. Stroke is not a short illness unfortunately but improvement will come slowly. This forum will provide emotional support for you as you go along.
Hello @2Weevils - welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your story with us. For me, the above extract from your post is worth highlighting back to you. This is exactly how it is in my opinion and based on my experience as carer for someone who had a stroke and lived to tell the tale. Go with this and you won’t go wrong
In addition, all respondents before me, Ann, Lorraine and Susie (@Mrs5K, @EmeraldEyes and @Susie1) have offered brilliant advice which will help you to get through this. There is plenty of help available out there and you should absolutely not feel you have to do this on your own.
Members if this forum are always here for you, any time, night or day. In addition there is help from the stroke team in hospital, various support groups, charities etc. The Stroke Association which Lorraine has already pointed you to is a fantastic organisation to get in contact with.
I’m sorry to hear about your partner’s stroke and what you’re going through. It’s understandable to feel helpless, especially at this early stage. As others have mentioned, recovery can take time and isn’t always straightforward, and being there for your partner is already an important part of that.
I can see you’ve already had some supportive replies from other members here. If it helps, we have information and support on what to expect after a stroke, as well as services like our Stroke Support Helpline, local support options, and guidance for carers on our Support hub.
As other members have already mentioned, you can also contact our Stroke Support Helpline on 0303 3033 100 or email them at helpline@stroke.org.uk if you’d like to talk things through, explore support in your area, or just have someone to speak to.
I understand what you are saying and it is only natural for you to feel this way. This has only just happened - it is less than a week and what you are seeing is a massive change to your partner.
What I will say to you is you should try and stay strong. The good news is the doctors are giving positive feedback, though you may not think it right now.
From a stroke survivor perspective, the above is very positive feedback as it suggests your partner could be much worse. It means there is a good chance your partner will recover with the right support. I don’t want to give you false hope or raise your expectations without knowing too much about your partner and the extent to which she has been affected by stroke, but you will see on this forum how people have come through much worse.
Stroke recovery takes time, often years and so you should think long term and understand that this will take time but with the right support your partner will be able to lead as best a life as is possible under the circumstances.
In this situation, I find being optimistic helps you to deal with what is potentially one of the most difficult times in your life.
Please try and stay strong. You and your partner can come though this
