Hi all, just wanted to introduce myself as I have been browsing the forum now for a few days and been reading your stories and wonderful advice.
My husband had a TIA followed by a more extensive stroke nearly 4 weeks ago. We are in Edinburgh and after almost 2 weeks in hospital he moved to the local rehabilatation unit. We are aware how lucky we have been to get this.
We have 2 young children (7 and 9) and a good support network although I am finding the level of demand that often creates for me overwhelming so have asked for it to be just me and the kids for at least a few days a week for now. Our mums want to help but that is draining at times although I am very grateful.
I suppose we are both feeling sad and frustrated and I assume this is all normal. It seems so cruel for a healthy 45 year old but your stories tell me we are in no way alone.
Thanks for listening! Alison
Hi @alisonc sorrybto hear about your husband. My 50 year old husband had a major stroke on 17th December. He’s still in hospital but also hoping to move to a rehab centre soon. I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I don’t have young children our son is 17 but we just want to deal with this on our own. I’ve got amazing friends who have really stepped up to offer help with our dog etc but the family have only added stress to me. Constantly badgering me for information i can’t give them. They don’t seem to understand the impact its had on our little family. They keep asking to see him but he doesn’t want it he just wants me and our son. You do what’s best for you and the children as its you who are directly affected. I send you love and i hope your husband recovers well xx
He is at the Astley Ainslie, we have been very impressed so far, it’s been great for the children too, it has a nice feel to it even though we would obviously rather be anywhere else.
I have used VOCAL through work so am aware of them and will contact them too. Its all a bit of an overwhelming process but searching this forum during the wee small sleepless hours has given some great nuggets of info.
Oh @EmmaT1974, this is exactly it, it just feels like another level of stuff to think about and organise. I think for any age this is so tough for children. Thank you and love to you too! Xx
@alisonc sorry to hear about your husband. Families can be very suffocating at times. I know it’s done through love and wanting to help but can become a bit much. Can’t offer you much advice I’m just new here but best wishes to you all
If your families are overwhelming you could you suggest they drop off food, maybe a casserole or pie without coming in. Or they could take your children for a day/weekend.
Hi Alison and a big welcome to our forum. So sorry to hear of your husband’s stroke We are a merry band of stroke survivors and their carers and families. Feel free to join us with any questions you might have or if you just want to have a rant or a moan. There’s always someone here to listen and offer some useful information and advice. Although people mean well, too many visitors can be very overwhelming.
I spent 5 months in hospital following my hemorrhagic stroke in 2017 and on a couple of occasions my husband had to say it was too much and to organise their visits so that they didn’t all turn up on the same day.
I clearly remember a particular visit when it all got too much and my son asked everyone to leave.
Having a good support network around you will be very helpful as time goes on and your husband begins his long road to recovery.
I wish you both well and look forward to hearing from you when you feel ready to reach out.
Best wishes and regards
Sue
Hi @alisonc & welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear of your husbands stroke. Sounds like he is receiving some good care though.
When I had my stroke visitors weren’t allowed due to covid restrictions. This was a blessing & a curse. I was so tired all the time I was grateful not to see people but it was also lonely & my family couldn’t see how I was doing so worried more.
As time moves forward a good support network will help loads as stroke recovery can take some time. Time to yourself is equally important as you come to terms with whats happened & just deal with everyday things too.
Sending my best wishes to you.
Ann
The fewer visitors the better in my view. Thankfully we were in lockdown when I had my stroke and in hospital, so hubby couldn’t even visit. The trouble is, just the medical care staff can be overwhelming and draining on the brain. So yes, I can certainly appreciate why he’d only want you and his son.
So when he does come home, be sure it’s only the 3 of you and maybe one visitor at a time. And don’t let them stay long…visitors seriously drain our batteries in the early months 
He’ll need a nap afterwards 
Just wanted to say hi and welcome @alisonc 
Sorry to here about your husband, it’s a shock and hard to come to terms with. But it will get easier in time and your children will come to terms and adapt far quicker than you will. And never feel guilty to take a break from your support network. Everyone needs that time alone to grieve and just be. Especially with young children, you want to maintain routine wherever you can, I’m sure they’ll be just a call away whenever you really do need them.
And you always establish a weekly update email/whatapps message or whatever to go out to all family/relatives to save you having to make endless phone calls.
I sincerely hope for your husband’s continual recovery and take of yourself and your little family