Our story, husband had a stroke and young children

Hi all, just wanted to introduce myself as I have been browsing the forum now for a few days and been reading your stories and wonderful advice.
My husband had a TIA followed by a more extensive stroke nearly 4 weeks ago. We are in Edinburgh and after almost 2 weeks in hospital he moved to the local rehabilatation unit. We are aware how lucky we have been to get this.
We have 2 young children (7 and 9) and a good support network although I am finding the level of demand that often creates for me overwhelming so have asked for it to be just me and the kids for at least a few days a week for now. Our mums want to help but that is draining at times although I am very grateful.
I suppose we are both feeling sad and frustrated and I assume this is all normal. It seems so cruel for a healthy 45 year old but your stories tell me we are in no way alone.
Thanks for listening! Alison


Hi @alisonc sorrybto hear about your husband. My 50 year old husband had a major stroke on 17th December. He’s still in hospital but also hoping to move to a rehab centre soon. I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I don’t have young children our son is 17 but we just want to deal with this on our own. I’ve got amazing friends who have really stepped up to offer help with our dog etc but the family have only added stress to me. Constantly badgering me for information i can’t give them. They don’t seem to understand the impact its had on our little family. They keep asking to see him but he doesn’t want it he just wants me and our son. You do what’s best for you and the children as its you who are directly affected. I send you love and i hope your husband recovers well xx


Hello @alisonc
Welcome to the best club in town that nobody actually ever applies to and never refuses anybody a warm welcome.

You’ll find the crew here knowledgeable and empathetic but I guess you’re beginning to realise that if you have read nearly enough 150 posts :slight_smile:

If you haven’t already you should find and join VOCAL - it stands for something like voice of carers in the Lothians - It covers Edinburgh too. My wife Lea/ @BakersBunny Found them really really supportive and still does. I guess your husband is or was in long stone / Asterly Ainsley?
Have you come across the link that’s on here to the YouTube of her the day after my stroke? And both of us a year later?

Lea is in the process of re-establishing the carers cafe that she used to host When the Stroke Association sponsored it as an independent group now

You might find Welcome - what we wish we'd heard at the start Click the blue text helpful to give you some orientation. Also 40 things to know: what would you underline add or delete might help you and the mums you mention - It might also help to tell family and friends that are 5-minute visit is as much as a stroke recoveree can manage and there are no answers but plenty of questions.

Conserving your energy to say strong for the long haul is important. Different strokes have some information packs for children on stroke so they are well worth looking at they also have a community with justice supportive people but on Facebook Which changes the nature a little . @EmmaT1974 advice above is also good confirmation.

You’re best bet is to carry on reading, and searching when you identify specific topics and/or asking questions - you’ll get more information by searching and more sense of active support from others by asking

I wish your family the best as you become stroke thrivers all


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Hi @SimonInEdinburgh

He is at the Astley Ainslie, we have been very impressed so far, it’s been great for the children too, it has a nice feel to it even though we would obviously rather be anywhere else.
I have used VOCAL through work so am aware of them and will contact them too. Its all a bit of an overwhelming process but searching this forum during the wee small sleepless hours has given some great nuggets of info.

Oh @EmmaT1974, this is exactly it, it just feels like another level of stuff to think about and organise. I think for any age this is so tough for children. Thank you and love to you too! Xx


@alisonc sorry to hear about your husband. Families can be very suffocating at times. I know it’s done through love and wanting to help but can become a bit much. Can’t offer you much advice I’m just new here but best wishes to you all


If your families are overwhelming you could you suggest they drop off food, maybe a casserole or pie without coming in. Or they could take your children for a day/weekend.


Hi Alison and a big welcome to our forum. So sorry to hear of your husband’s stroke We are a merry band of stroke survivors and their carers and families. Feel free to join us with any questions you might have or if you just want to have a rant or a moan. There’s always someone here to listen and offer some useful information and advice. Although people mean well, too many visitors can be very overwhelming.
I spent 5 months in hospital following my hemorrhagic stroke in 2017 and on a couple of occasions my husband had to say it was too much and to organise their visits so that they didn’t all turn up on the same day.

I clearly remember a particular visit when it all got too much and my son asked everyone to leave.

Having a good support network around you will be very helpful as time goes on and your husband begins his long road to recovery.

I wish you both well and look forward to hearing from you when you feel ready to reach out.

Best wishes and regards



Hi @alisonc & welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear of your husbands stroke. Sounds like he is receiving some good care though.

When I had my stroke visitors weren’t allowed due to covid restrictions. This was a blessing & a curse. I was so tired all the time I was grateful not to see people but it was also lonely & my family couldn’t see how I was doing so worried more.

As time moves forward a good support network will help loads as stroke recovery can take some time. Time to yourself is equally important as you come to terms with whats happened & just deal with everyday things too.

Sending my best wishes to you.



The fewer visitors the better in my view. Thankfully we were in lockdown when I had my stroke and in hospital, so hubby couldn’t even visit. The trouble is, just the medical care staff can be overwhelming and draining on the brain. So yes, I can certainly appreciate why he’d only want you and his son.
So when he does come home, be sure it’s only the 3 of you and maybe one visitor at a time. And don’t let them stay long…visitors seriously drain our batteries in the early months :roll_eyes: He’ll need a nap afterwards :smile:


Just wanted to say hi and welcome @alisonc :people_hugging:
Sorry to here about your husband, it’s a shock and hard to come to terms with. But it will get easier in time and your children will come to terms and adapt far quicker than you will. And never feel guilty to take a break from your support network. Everyone needs that time alone to grieve and just be. Especially with young children, you want to maintain routine wherever you can, I’m sure they’ll be just a call away whenever you really do need them.
And you always establish a weekly update email/whatapps message or whatever to go out to all family/relatives to save you having to make endless phone calls.

I sincerely hope for your husband’s continual recovery and take of yourself and your little family :people_hugging:

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