Tee hee…that’ll be a bumpy landing 
Mother’s Day. Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. “As a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “we decided to cook our own breakfast.”
(This joke sort of reminds me of the Christmas gift my 10-year-old son gave me one year–a nerf football
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)
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That has really tickled me. I can’t stop chuckling 
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”
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An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth. He spoke to his toes.
“Hello toes,” he said. “How are you?
You know, you Are 92 today. Oh the times we’ve had!
Remember how we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon.
The times we waltzed on the dance floor?
Happy Birthday toes!”
“Hello, knees,” he continued. “How are you? You know you’re 92 today.
Oh, the times we’ve had! Remember when we marched in the parade?
Oh, the hurdles we’ve jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees.”
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You little bugger.
Just think.
If you were alive today, you’d be 92.
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Ray the Chicken
Ray came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ‘You died in your sleep, Ray.’
Ray was stunned. ‘I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!’
St. Peter said, ‘I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.’
Ray was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. ‘So, you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?’
‘Not bad,’ replied Ray the hen, ‘but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I’m gonna explode!’
‘You’re ovulating,’ explained the rooster. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before?’
‘Never,’ said Ray.
‘Well, just relax and let it happen,’ says the rooster. 'It’s no big deal. He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg - his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard…
“Ray, wake up! You shit the bed!”
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Thanks for the laughs Hilary. Just what I needed today.
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