- The Late Night Phone Call: In the middle of the night, a man gets a phone call from his doctor. The doctor says, “I have some good news and some bad news.” The man says, “Okay, give me the good news first.” The doctor says, “The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.” The man replies, “That’s the good news? Then what’s the bad news?” The doctor says, “The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.”
3 Likes
A man was driving along the road and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the road saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
“I feel terrible,” he explained, “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.”
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car boot and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.
Miraculously the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved it’s paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved and hopped down the road, another 50 meters, turned, waved and hopped another 50 meters. The man was astonished. He couldn’t figure out what substance could be in the woman’s spray can!!
He ran over to the woman and demanded, “What is in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?”
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: “Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.”
3 Likes
that’s funny 
1 Like
-
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
-
To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
-
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
-
It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
-
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
-
When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
-
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
-
I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
-
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
-
If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”
-
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
-
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
-
I run like the winded.
-
I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.
-
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
-
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
-
I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
-
When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
-
Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
-
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
-
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
3 Likes
