I thought I’d share a couple of bits whilst I’m in my sort of 75% OCD mode.
I am sitting on my sofa and in front of me I have my laptop, a glass of water (in a polar bear glass) on a (polar bear coaster), the 3 remotes parallel to my right and I can’t see them but know exactly where they are.
I have my planner and BP machine in a place and all of the following in speciifc places and if they were not there or - GPITS forbid - get slightly out of line I will not panic or get upset but as soon as I notice it will be corrected.
I can’t list hem all but pills, overshields, sticks, bears, cushions, blankets, keys, wallet, magnifying glass mosquito thing, fan, etc etc I tried to count but at 50 I thought I’d do this instead!!
I must have certain things around me and done all day everyday.
For me this is ok at the moment because I don’t get out much, JP knows and understands and it helps me.
However I do get tired of getting upset because JP didn’t rinse his glass after the smoothie as then the pips stick to the glass!! I do the washing up because I do it 5 items - always 5 - at a time and I can stand up and do it and it calms me… I know it’s not important and I’m not quite Jack (Melvin) in as good as it gets yet, but I don’t feel it’s improving - if anything it’s bothering me more and then that annoys me etc…
Sometimes I feel that I will never do anything other than go to West Ham, the hospital, the GP and the toilet!! And my safe space the sofa is my real home forever.
You say you’re OCD and I’m getting the impression you are hyperactive too but then, that could also be coming from your high BP.
Ideally you should be in bed asleep…says she who is also up at 2am But I will go to bed at 2:30 and I will sleep. Will you?
But night time is always the worst time when feeling down. Why Do I Get Depressed At Night: Nighttime Blues Explained.
The next time you see your GP ask if you can get some counselling for your OCD, it can be helped you know. I wonder, how much of your personality has been affected by your strokes. Maybe look into taking up yoga or learning some relaxation techniques to calm yourself and reduce your BP.
I am trying to get my BP to below both 150 and 100 before bed. I don’t sleep well but I do sleep some!!
I am not depressed at the moment (my soul died on 10 June 2023 - but that is very differnet),
Right now I am just very very stressed about a lot of things…!!! Somethings that are stressing me are out of my control. For now. Me and my bears are using the sofa / coffee table operations centre to try and be the apex species in this fight for survival in continuation fof life as it is for me at the moment… sorry to ramble
I won’t bore you.
I talk to my psychologist about it every week and my OT. They often tell me to sometimes embrace it as I could give them tips on organisation and fatigue management and that’s part of their job.
It;s funny some aspects have gone, some reduced and some enhanced - but I’ve always been a bit organised - I liked managing a staff of 20 with 3 deputies to assist in my last job. Is that weird - wanting to be totally in control? Thinking about it now I guess that is a big part of it - control. I will muse on this and talk to Polars about it thanks!!
I hope you’re asleep now and after half an hour of chilled music I hopefully will be too
I used to be OCD, but that seems to be gone. I am not certain what to do without it. I keep trying to get things organized by can’t seem to keep what I do manage to complete together as planned. My daily routine when from scheduled ritual to complete chaos. Finished therapy today, so now my ‘focus’ will be trying to get myself in order and to make a budget and cut bills down. OCD only needs theraputic help if it causes problems for you. Otherwise, it is helpful in many cases.
@KGB and a few others who will not be named right now.
Try not to be too self critical. A lot of creative people are driven. That drive is often triggered by their variety of quirks and problems.
Get all the creases ironed out, the difficulties sorted and you end up bland, uninteresting, grey and going nowhere. Realise that the roller coaster can be fun.
This is an excellent place to stay being who you are. Get used to yourself and smile.
Its the middle of the night here, 4.30 am, and just about to go to the kitchen to start a loaf of bread for tomorrow. See you later.
I was treated for chronic OCD as a child, and after stroke, residual OCD reoccurred. It’s a mix of physical and mental OCD. I often use it to my advantage, especially if my symptoms are evident.
Actually that’s a very good point and @DeAnn made another
At the end of day you have to be the person you want to be, who you already are. If it doesn’t seem broken to you, then there’s no need to fix it. And the rest will come in time. You will do more in your life and go places again, just right now now. Your body needs this time to recover and as more recovers so too will you go exploring further afield.
And in the meantime why not plan some more simple excursions to the zoo or safari park, or an animal sanctuary. One step at a time remember, don’t run before you can walk
I used to be a bit OCD but since my stroke I find I care less about that sort of thing. I guess i just haven’t got the energy to worry about it now. I save it for more important stuff - or stuff I think is important which is probably completely different to what others think.
If it’s upsetting noone just go with it. If it’s part of the reason your BP is so high then try tackling one thing at a time. As an example we used to have our serving spoons etc hung on the wall and i liked them in size order. Hubby deliberately used to move them around, turn them upside down etc which drove me mad. So i took them off the wall & put them in a drawer. I can’t see them now so they don’t bother me. Little things hey
It does affect my BP massively sometimes and I really do try and focus on what is important and not that the toilet fresh bowl thing has run out! But it’s hard sometimes. I can’t stand people (ie JP) messing with the order of things in the kitchen drawers
My mother developed severe OCD over temperature. At her worst, she would adjust the thermostat 20 times or so per night. We just let her go. It’s hard to say why this happened. She would also obsess on opening and closing windows. And sometimes she’d go to the bathroom 5 times or so in an hour without ever really needing to go.
Her safe place in the house was the kitchen. That’s where she wanted to spend most of her time. The rest of her beloved home became a stranger to her. She only liked being in her kitchen. It’s just the way it was. Dad and I did everything to make sure she could be in the kitchen as much as possible.
Over time, we came to see that we had to accept her as she was. She wasn’t going to get better. We tried different medicines, but they only seemed to make her worse. Supplements helped her physically, but not mentally, or so we thought.
Once she had her massive seizure, she lost her mind, more or less, even though her memory and speech were still excellent. It’s the way it was. You wish for the best, but you have to make room for the worst.
We got fooled because she recovered so well physically from her stroke 1 year later. Strokes impact everyone differently, but also very similarly.
One interesting point: My mother had an idiosyncrasy about temperature before her stroke, although at a much, much less level. It seemed in her case that her negative traits were amplified X10 after her stroke.
We tried to bring my mother’s OCD to her attention, but she just ignored us, thinking there was nothing wrong with her behavior. Oh well…
@KGB I have two kinds of OCD: constantly moving the furniture around in my studio.
But the worst is intrusive thoughts, and they are usually very negative things about my stroke recovery.
I don’t move furniture I move small objects and my negative thoughts are directed to various things such as recovery but also things like horrible baby killing nurses etc and I find it hard sometimes to get those thoughts to go away - much as I ask myself and the great polar bear in the sky “why” “WTF” “really” I do know I won’t ever understand that so I just need to leave it. Wroks sometimes. sometimes it doesnt
Today I used my OCD for good not evil (to myself or others!! ha ha).
My sofa operations centre was the base for the meticulous planning and the trip 1.5 miles there and 1.5 miles back to the London Stadium worked ok!!! Even though I had to leave 45 mins earlier than I hoped!!
The tickets and disabled shuttle tickets were printed and folded and the uber to the disabled bus pick up point was pre-ordered. My bag was packed and my companion Chris was on time to get to mine for the cab. I ate a mini pork pie and wanted a coffee but no because of BP so had a bit more smoothie! Got back to see all our goals so I am tired but happy!!! COYI
But at least I did it and am home and treating myself to a beer and some biccies and the highlights.
The disabled helpers were really good today and the other punters were nice too!
@KGB
Kieran will you be struck with fatigue today Do you think?
I was a bit flaked out by the evening and that was just from the online call and another (on a different topic) one a bit later
I guess I’ve got a little OCD. in the past It used to manifest itself in things like document formatting well everything really, being neat and square and lined up, EG folding in laundry and getting to the airport in plenty of time, observing where to stand so one doesn’t have to be a lemming in a queue for hours…
My wife and neighbours still joke that I sort the rocks in the garden. We live in a farmhouse that was derelict. The milking shed had been knocked down before we arrived and the stone broken scattered through the garden so over 20 years as I’ve dug bits out I’ve put them into piles massive medium miniscule - It wasn’t very hard to throw them left right or in front and it’s paid off when I wanted to rock to build a flower bed or soak-away or something but they still joke about it
Robert Heinlein wrote a book about a man who was too lazy to do extra work and I really seen it like that and an ounce of effort now avoids a kilo later
So the serious point… .
One of the biggest post stroke life adjustments I have had to make is that the standards I lived by, and didn’t expect others to perform to, but aspired to myself are now beyond my own grasp. That’s everything I do. A truly pervasive change
That shift in the lens through which I evaluate my own performance in all I do has been profound in many secondary tertiary ways. For the good in some cases and with some regret in cases.
I am firmly of the opinion that one’s mindset or attitude through which one perceives the world makes a significant difference to the rate and degree and happiness with which one can progress post-stroke.
One of the philosophical point from that is I am not in recovery or rehab. They imply reverting to the old status quo and that is out of reach and would be a fruitless goal. I’m having difficulty finding new goals based on a new outlook. One of The goals I have identified is to improve the provision of stroke chronic care through digital community - hence my time here and on with the online cafe yesterday and other initiatives.
Thanks for your OCD thread because it gave the inspiration and the seed bed for me to explore thoughts that were more sharply brought to focus by having to write them down
But I will go to bed at 2:30 and I will sleep. Will you?
