New stroke experience

Hello everyone. Well I never imagined I would be “chatting “ to complete strangers about the health of my darling husband, but after just 2.5 weeks of the worst time in my life, I feel that this is the best place to let go of my emotions, to people who really understand.
I’m still in denial that this has happened to the fittest 75 year old I know. Nothing makes sense.
My son lives in New York and he flew home straight away. My daughter lives in Australia and she has just arrived , after my son had to go back home. Despite having both of them with me, I feel alone. Trying to be positive for them, but feeling so frightened at what the future holds.
Alan is stable and now on a rehab unit in Dewsbury, he has no speech and right side paralysis . I know it’s early days, but just being able to write this down is a big help. Thank you.



You are going through a terrifying and confusing time. It is an extremely unpleasant experience endured by all who are affected by stroke. Both the individual who had this event and their immediate circle pass through this horrible phase. We are all ‘people affected by stroke.’

This unpleasant period will gradually settle and you will begin to find a way forward. Don’t expect rapid progress but things will over weeks and months begin to resolve.
It is difficult to generalise about stroke, it manifests in so many ways, but there is a future and a way forward.

On this forum you will find folk who will listen with a sympathetic ear. We are people who have been where you find yourself today and who will be glad to share our experiences and our strategies for dealing with what is a life changing event.

This is a good place to talk about the ups and downs and discuss where you go from here.

Be patient. Be kind to yourself and to one another. Don’t go away, you are very welcome here.

I had a stroke about eighteen months ago, I am a seventy six year old and live with my wife who supports and cares for me. There are a range of those affected by stroke here, some still going strong after many years others only a few months along the way.

We try to encourage and support one another and are quite happy for you to join us.

We can share and help one another.

Keep on keepin’ on
:writing_hand: :grin: :+1:

You may contact the Stroke Association and arrange a telephone conversation which will give you an opportunity to talk about your situation and find out what sort of support would be relevant.

The Stroke Helpline is on 03033033100


Hi @DJ11

Sorry you have cause to join us but now you are here. A very warm welcome now You are

You aren’t alone in being frightened and disoriented. You may recognise that now that you have read a few hundred posts? We have all been there.

You might find my wife’s day after my stroke video reflects where you are and our joint one a year later gives you hope?
together they are 4 minutes. Click the blue text
If you want to chat with Lea she’s always willing. she used to run stroke association online cafe till they shut it. She Is happy to continue giving help.

As Bobby says the stroke association help line may able to offer a advice. Ask them to for a Here For You sign up - 8 weeks of half hour calls with (in your case) someone else who is a spouse & carer. You might even get Lea but there are many many others who have been in your position

Some of us have put together a welcome post to group information that we would never told and would have made the first month so much easier

The vast majority of us find that while it is a shock to start with, a change lifes journey that challenges us all with determination and support There is hope after stroke and a good life :slight_smile:





Welcome to the forum. As fellow members @SimonInEdinburgh and @Bobbi have told you these are early days and you will be frightened and overwhelmed.

Sometimes I find it a lot easier to ‘chat’ to complete strangers on here because I know they will understand - maybe not exactly the same illnesses butat least some understanding.

I myself am 10 months into 3 ischemic strokes which have left me with various things including loss of right hand side vision in both my eyes. I have goo days and bad days but I am still improving and despite some set backs I am still moving forward!

You should also take care of yourself. As bobbi has suggested call the Stroke Assoictaion and speck to your GP if you need to.

You will get through this and so will your husband! Good luck to Alan and he will be in my thoughts today.

Keep talking to us!! We will listen!

Stay strong and here is a picture of some polar bears to cheer you up.


:polar_bear: :wink:

Polar Bear photos, facts, and map


Hi, so sorry to hear of your husband’s stroke but welcome to this forum. We are a merry band of stroke survivors and carers of varying ages and who have suffered many different types of stroke. There will always be someone here to lend an ear and to offer words of wisdom and support and advice when you need it.
You are going through a frightening experience for both you and it is perfectly normal to feel this way. Unfortunately stroke affects the whole family, be kind to yourself and to each other and above all else, be patient. Stroke recovery is a long, tough road.

Feel free to join in on the forum and ask questions, have a good rant or a moan, when you need to. I wish you both well on yiur journey and look forward to hearing from you when you reach out.

Regards Sue


Hi. I feeel for you. It is so hard in the early days but it will get better . You must not feel lonely. There are many others like you. I had a severe stroke with right side paralysis and no speech. I can now walk with a rollator and am able to communicate with more people. The exception being my husband who is wife deaf!!! I am eighty five years old and have just learned to ride an exercise bike in the gym. Love Lilian


Lol :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Selective deafness seems very common!

It reminds me of advice I was given long ago that says anytime your wife asks you to do something you’d rather not do (again) do it immediately willingly and wrong (sic)

I hope the deafness is a 'true word’ spoken in jest :slight_smile:


Hi @DJ11 so sorry to hear of your current situation but welcome to the group.

Recovery is a long journey and no stage is easy.

It’s really important to take time for yourself. I’m only just realising what my wife has had to go through as I’ve been recovering.

Take care


@DJ11 hi & welcome to the forum. Sorry your husband has had a stroke but sounds like he has a really loving family which will help you all through.

It’ll take time to digest what has happened but in time you’ll get there. You need to think of stroke recovery in terms of months / years rather than weeks but each person’s journey is different.

There’s lots of good advice above so i wont repeat it but what I will say is look after yourself too. Stroke is life changing for loved ones too. You’ll need lots of energy in the coming months.

As @Bobbi mentioned try calling the stroke helpline they can provide advice & suppory. Ask away on here too there are lots of friendly knowledgeable people who will be able to advise & support.

Wishing you, your husband & family all the best.

Ann xx


Boy that was well said Bobbi! :+1:


So sorry you and husband our experienced this horrible ordeal! But I will say that I could not have done it without my wifes support she has been my rock since this whole thing started for me. I had two strokes, first one on April 16th two weeks before retire and then again on May 31st! And it has been 5 months now for me and the progress is slow but it is happening and things are getting better and changing everyday! Family is very important in these times. I found a renewed love for my family members, who have been fantastic through this whole thing! I will keep you in prayer and the best to you and your loved ones and especially your husband! :heart::slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face:


@DJ11 welcome to the group, sorry you have had to join us never apologise for just speaking to us, we have all been there, we are a friendly bunch here. visit and chat as often as you like we don’t mind one bit, we can help with advice or just a place to vent and let off stream


Hi DJ11, sorry to hear of Alans stroke.
I had my stroke five years ago now and all I can say is that slowly day by day, month by month it does get easier. At the time of my stroke I went into some sort of denial and battled through it with the help of my lovely wife. In hindsight I wish I had joined this group at the start as the members are fantastic people who will help you both along a very tough road. As a fit 53 year old back then I found it hard to accept that I could no longer do the things I used to, now I accept that what will be will be. Use the group no matter if good or bad, you need the support as much as your dear husband.
Best wishes.


Stephen had his stroke in 2020 he is unable to swallow or speak due to vocal paralysis . He has right side weakness and can only walk with support. Today we went to see his specialist for more collagen in his right vocal cord but unfortunately as it has not worked he probably won’t be having anymore . However on a brighter note we have got used to the status quo and have developed a sense of humour over what he is trying to spell out on letter pad or iPad as his sight is not that great . Over time things become less scary and you get into a better routine and with the support of family and friends you start to cope better. Life throws the many things at you to cope with but you can be pleasantly surprised how sweet life can be with the love and support of others . Thinking you love Anne xx


@DJ11 Just wanted to welcome you to the forum, you’ve done well coming on here, it’s a very good place to be when you’re feeling so lost and alone in all this.

It is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster to begin with but over the next 6mths you’ll start seeing the highs of his recovery as the brain repairs the damage done it. Some of it will take longer and some a lot longer than that. Your hubby may never be 100% but, all being well, he should make good progress. But you need to take good care of yourself too, eat well and sleep well and above all take time out for yourself too…and don’t feel guilty about it, that is a must.

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100% agreed - the keystone or foundations must stay strong for everything rests on them…


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DJ11, you have my total sympathy. I am a survivor from the same problem. Ten years ago I was in hospital unable to talk, unable to walk and wondering what had hit me. One of the big problems was wondering how my wife was going to cope and I was reassured knowing like you that family had gathered around her to assist.
Now to return to his position, he is not dead. If he is anything like me he will be fighting for survival and needs all the help and encouragement you can give him. With any luck he will return to you and the pair of you can work to make him able to cope with a life of disadvantages, and believe me there will be some.
I am 93 now , still talk badly but can walk unassisted, do household jobs like dishwashing and cope with light gardening, I’ve had to re-learn how to play guitar and keyboards though very badly! But most of all I am now a companion to my wife again. With her help I learned how to hold knives and forks and even cups and there were quite a few times when together we overcame some very tricky problems. So believe me he needs you to back him to a degree you never imagined before.
Please keep in touch.


I’ve never heard of a stroke survivor who has made it to 93, considering you had your stroke at around 83. What an inspiration! I say “Congratulations” to you, Deigh.

My mother had a stroke at 70 and barely lived 2 years after it. She lost her mind, and gave up the will to live. Oh well…

Your mental state is very important in how well you improve at times.


I didnt realise that I was that unique! Agreed the mental state is incredibly important. I started to practice my speech recovery on the first night in hospital. Was determined to say good morning to the first person I met. When it happened it came out “QE$RQRG” or something like that and I burst into tears.