New member

Hi, I'm new on here little bit bewildered however hoping to find some support and common ground with you? My mum had a stroke a week and a half ago, I knew very little about strokes at this point. She is a fit healthy 71 yr old who lives alone and yes she had a stroke in the evening and unfortunately I found her the next day so currently has quite significant disabilities. I'm finding this all quite hard and I cannot visit her which is making it a whole lot worse. I'm not sure what to expect daily? I not sure how long recovery can take? What's a good sign? So many questions ?‍♀️

I look forward to hearing some information x

Sorry to hear of Mum being got by stroke.

One thing to ascertain is the type of stroke. I am a clot, a few are bleeders and many are TIA. I hope its TIA because that is transient, so it goes away quite soon.

I dont think it will be disasterous that Mum was not found for a while. If she got to hospital within four hours then they can do someting, but Mum missed that. I missed that as it was whilst I was asleep.

Please be aware that no two strokes are the same. Many will have similar issues, but no two the same.

The Stroke association leaflets are really good. Do get hold of them and read. Hospital will have them. GP surgery often has them. They are also on this site, bt nothing quite like a bit of paper to refer to.

Us SS (stroke survivors) are nearly all fit. I doubt we would have survived if not fit.

I am 73.

First milepost is when Mum is deemed medically fit. Only five days for me, but generally a fortnight or more. Next will be the hospital deciding if she could go home. Unlikely if she lives alone. My wife was interviewed to see if I could be released in to her care. My home is ideal as it is a bungalow, easy access and toilet immediately by bedroom. They then arranged six weeks of visits by the early discharge squad. My hospital, Colchester, has a very good stroke unit. Others are less good. Post code lottery.

Please tell Mum we are asking after her. We are here for her when she surfaces



My recovery was 3 years 9 months. I had a modest stroke.

I could just about care for myself after four months.

A massive good sign is when Mum can transfer. Then transfer unaided.

Mum may have lost her memory. I did. Mum may struggle to speak, I did. Mum might well cry a lot. Thats the emotionality.

My wife sat by my bed each day. But I asked her not to make conversation. One plus point is that Mum will not endure visiting hours, I found these utterly desperate. I longed for everyone to go home. The staff will be going through the appropriate scans, tests and checks. The excellent stroke unit for me had me finding how to get up stairs, how to wash and shower and then  make breakfast.

There are a million things I could mention but so much will not apply. 

Be happy that Mum survived. Many do not.



Hi Louise, Colin has given you lots of information, so I won't add anything!  I just wanted you to know that your post has been seen, and this is a wonderful site for help, support and encouragement.  Stay strong, give your Mum plenty of time to rest and to allow her brain to heal.

Take care, thinking of you xx

Your posts always add something useful. We are a big team

Most kind, sir!! 

Hi Louise. Colin has said most of what needs to be said. Like your mum, I was a fit 72 year old when I had my stroke on holiday in Devon. Mine was a bleed and it took away my left side. Nearly five years on, I walk with a stick and can use my weak arm and hand (though not as well as I would like).

The first thing doctors will do is to stabilise your mum and get her on the right medication. After that rehab will begin, usually with transferring from bed to chair and sitting there for a few hours. I think this is both to facilitate movement and cut down the risk of bed sores. More physio will follow. When she can walk and function reasonably, her home will be assessed to see if any physical alterations need to be made and what her care needs are. Like Colin, I live in an area with fantastic after care, but not all health authorities are the same.

Like Colin, in the early days I found visitors a strain and even now, too much conversation tires me. I still get frustrated by what I cannot do, but marvel at what I can. The brain can, and does, rewire itself. I had a nother very mild stroke at the height of the pandemic in May, but was probably safer in hospital than elsewhere.

To cheer you up, I have just come back from a five day coach holiday in Devon. This involved a fair bit of walking, a steam train trip and a river cruise. I have tired myself out but oh the joy of being by the sea....even with mask wearing and feeling I have enough sanitiser on my hand to kill every bug in the universe.

I wish mum well.

Good evening Colin

Thank you so much for your message it was very helpful and gave me alot to think about hence my delayed reply to you. 

We are two and bit weeks in and mum is really trying to speak getting some words out but also getting quite frustrated with herself, he swallow has improved and she is now having yogurt as well as the tube and today she was able to sit (once transferred) unaided in a standard wheelchair, I was beyond happy with this progress ?

I took onboard alot from you and I have backed of with the morning noon and night facetime with mum and do it once a day, I know its frustrating for her and tiring. Still wish I could visit with her granddaughters but as you said she may just hate it! 

So positive to hear how you are now and I hope to have the same for mum. Again thank you for your message and I'll speak to you soon

Louise x

Dear Louise

your post has cheered me up. Mum is going well. And you are giving a lot of good input to help Mum. Well done.

Every stroke is different, although we share many common symptoms.

do come back and ask anything. Lots of us here are willing to share our experiences. I was helped in my early months and years so i want help newcomers

best wishes



I am so thankful to know I have the support of you and others, until now I knew very little about strokes nor until now did i know anyone who had had one. So it really does mean a lot to know I can ask smiley

I will keep you updated with mum

Louise x

Thank you lovely to know you guys are there to offer support been a very emotional few weeks but I am glad I came across this site smiley

Thanks again for your message


Louise x

Morning John

Thank you for your message, lovely to hear that you are doing so well and enjoying life. Mum is doing well, she is stable and has made some small but amazing progress. I have now realised that mum isnt going to be up and about over night thanks to you, Coling and the Website, it was wishful thinking and I was hoping she would be back to normal self within a few days frown. Usually nothing keeps mum down and she bounces back with ease, this is a tough one for her but Im sure with the determination, stubborness and stong mind that she has always had this will help her to recover.  Cant thank you enough for messaging its so nice to know you are all here and I can get support 

Louise x

Hi Louise,


I'm a stroke survivor but I'll jump in and answer your questions:

What to expect daily

This will really depend upon how the stroke has affected her- she may be affected physically (I was half-paralysed, incontinent and unable to swallow), she may have sensory issues (I was partially blinded and am sensitive to loud noises) and she may have cognitive problems (getting confused, aggressive, depressed, anxious or emotional).

Take things one day at a time and you may see some early recovery before things generally settle down. At an early stage, do listen to the medical experts. She should hopefully be under the care of a Multi-Disciplinary Team to focus upon her recovery and life from this point forward.One of the good things about Stroke is that we survivors are usually fairly intact physically. This can be a double-edged sword as people will idly comment "but you look okay" when the reality is that the survivor is anything but okay.

If she is able to talk, talk with her as much as you can, to help her to try to make sense of what has happened and what lies ahead. Many survivors - and I was one of them - can feel isolated by their experiences, made worse by the sheer shock of what they have been through, plus the cognitive issues they may have.

One very common post-stroke symptom is Post-stroke Fatigue. I manage this by having a short nap when I am not working but some survivors can take sleeping to extremes (my mother slept for 19 hours a day after her stroke at 62 years of age). 

Another can only be described as "Brain Fog" - slowed or incomplete cognitive abilities. You aren't made less intelligent by a stroke but you are definitely slowed by it. It's something most of us just live with.

How Long Recovery can take

It's common to see some spontaneous recovery in the first few days or weeks - for me that was flickerings of movement in my stroke affected side. 

For some people, there may be good recovery within weeks, while others may be disabled in some ways for years or the rest of their lives.

Most importantly, there is no time limit on recovery. It is fastest soon after the stroke but even ten years after my stroke, I still feel I am recovering in some ways.

What's a good sign?

Being able to speak is one of the greatest predictors of quality of life after Stroke.

If she has mobility or movement issues, being able to support her own weight and transfer from place A to place B (eg from bed to a nearby chair) is usually a good indicator of future independence and progression.


I'll close by saying that life after Stroke can become very good indeed. I am not completely recovered but lift weights and compete in half-marathons, a long way from being completely bedbound. All of my deficits are mostly resolved now after ten years. I worked full time and travelled internationally prior to the pandemic.


As I said above, take things one day at a time and you'll hopefully see your mother go on to bigger and better things.

Take care now,


It's hard to explain to visitors that you are trying as hard as you can when they don't understand what's going on with you. They expect so much and it's upsetting when we ARE trying our best and it doesn't work every day. Even now 3 years on, I get looks of disbelief from hubby like 'What is she doing for goodness sake, looks'. Typical example, we went to the seaside last week for the day and walked on the beach. To get to the sand, there was lots of pebbles large and small and shingle with pools of water in between.  Pre-stroke, I would have had no trouble walking on pebbles and would quite easily have jumped over the water.  No last week.  I struggled even with both arms outstretched to balance me, the pebbles were all slippy, they were different sizes, my feet were unsteady and not used to walking on uneven surfaces and yes, you guessed it, I ended up in the water ankle deep on one foot.  Trainers soaked, sox and bottom of jogging pants.  Aarrggh!   Brain just didn't want to do it so that's the result!

Hi Louise, so glad you have received such good quality support and info from all the wonderful contributors to this site.  I think it's fair to say that most people have no idea about stroke, until it hits them or a family member.  I know that I was clueless, even though I vaguely remembered my Grandma having a stroke decades ago.  

So we're all learning as we go, but just like you, I found this site invaluable, it helped me so much, and I don't think my husband and I could have survived the ordeal without everyone giving advice.  We certainly had very little support once the Early Discharge team finished with us.  

The great thing is, you're able to follow advice and you will be so much more informed when you are speaking with medical professionals.  You will be equipped to ask the right questions and to request the best care for your mum.

All good wishes, stay strong xx