New member - hello

Hello everyone, my husband had a stroke in July and is currently still in hospital. I've only seen him once during this time which has been very difficult for the both of us. We are both (fairly!) young - 39 and struggling with the lack of contact. Although we FaceTime a lot, it is not the same as being physically there to support him. His speech has improved so much and his memory is intact. His right side was affected but he has some movement in his hip. Does anyone have any advice on how I can motivate him/myself? Some days are extremely hard and lonely as I feel no one understands what we are going through. Thank you so much xx

Good morning JP81! 

I had my stroke in 2017 when I just turned 50. My right side had been affected - vision loss (right upper quadrant), right arm (I had very limited movement and I lost my ability to write with my right hand) and right leg (spasticity and drop foot). I also have a problem of remembering words and names at times. I still suffer from the side effects of stroke but I have to admit things are much better. Things will get better but he has to keep moving - mentally, emotionally, physically. He has to choose to work on his rehabilitation with the help, guidance, love and support of the people around him. He has youth on his side.

When he is in his own space in his ward he should keep moving, exercising. Every movement helps rewire his brain and the soonest he do it the better. If he is allowed to walk about in the ward, with or without aid, he should do so. Facetiming is excellent because he can straightaway work on his speech and cognitive skills. Simply talking to you is helping his recovery. When I was in hospital for 6 weeks I found the use of Facebook and other social media very helpful. It not only helped me stay in touch with the rest of the world but it helped me rehabilitate myself. I even told my Speech Therapist I would rather use FB, etc and actually talking to my family and friends, either written or verbal, than work on the materials she gave me. I found them boring and irrelevant. Do as much as he loves to do and as much as he is allowed to do. Don't limit himself. I found keeping a journal very therapeutic. Just writing his thoughts and feelings, his fears, anger, frustration  - just about anything really. 

Encourage him to honestly assess himself and his situation (and this is something that you can do for yourself) and study his options. What needs doing and what he can do; what help he needs and who can help him. Stroke turned both your lives upside down, inside out. It is up to you both to put them  back the way you want/choose to be. 

Life is confusing right now. So many worries and uncertainties for all of us but stay positive. Look at the good things, the interesting and funny ones. Be optimistic realists.

You can keep a journal yourself. Remember you also need to keep yourself healthy and strong so you can help him to stay healthy and strong. Talk to your family and friends. They are there to help and support both of you. Never think that you have to keep everything to yourself. Problems shared become much lighter, more easily solvable.

I wish you both the best. If you feel like ranting, if you want to ask any questions - please feel free to do so in this forum. I find the people in this forum very helpful and supportive. It greatly helps communicating with people who actually understand what you are going through because they have gone/going through it themselves.

Have a good day. Keep smiling. Say hello to your husband for me.

Ruby ☺



Dear Jp

welcome to the forum. Lots of us have had strokes and will happily share experiences. Do say hello to hubby.

Thats a long time to have stayed in hospital. One of the key factors is when the doctors declare he is medically fit. That was just a few days for me. Then the medics need to ensure his release will be ok. That will include his home life, the type of home he lives in and the people, if any, who will care for him over the coming months

i know what you mean about no one understands. They dont have a clue but so often want to tell what he should be doing.  Other SS wont do that which is why this forum is good.

there sre apparently one million SS but i dont know where they get to.

you havent mentioned the type of stroke. I am the common ischemic, or clot as i like to say. The stroke is on my right side, meaning my affected areas are mainly on the left.

thats great that his speech and memory are ok.

every stroke is different. No two can ever be the same.


All along it has been down to me to motivate myself. No one else can do that. Support is very nice, and helpful. Your patience will be tested.

The SA leaflets are good, Do read them.

Please accept that your husband will not be the same as before. Maybe even nicer. But not the same.

best wishes





Hi JP. Stroke is hard to bear at any age, but at 39 it must be very difficult. I'm afraid nobody really understands what it feels like for the survivor and the partner. We all know about cancer and heart attacks but not stroke. I think all of us who've had one never expected it.

He has been in hospital for some months, but it does seem he is making progress. They will allow him home when they think him able enough. Being unable to visit must be aweful. Recovery, however, takes some time. I am five years post stroke and still partly disabled, but I can do a lot more than I could. I am currently preparing our Saturday night meal.

Try to encourage him all you can. Remind him that you love him and are there for him. At times his mood will be low and trying to do things post stroke is very frustrating. It is important to try to do what you can, not what you once did. He will be quite institutionalised by now so will need time to adjust when he gets home. When I first came home,bthough, I was so happy.

Helping him to break tasks down into stages will help him and tell him the brain will re-wire. Encourage him to walk and to utilise his weak arm and hand. The more he does, the more he will be able to. Remember that one of the problems we survivors have is post stroke fatigue. He must rest when he needs to.

my best wishes to you both.