Need to rant to someone who knows what I’m going through

Hi, I’m 33 and had a stroke 6 months ago. I rushed back to work within a week and am now starting to regret not resting properly because 6 months on it’s hard to tell my employer I’m struggling, plus because I look fine everyone finds it hard when I’m not as good as I used to be, my memory is really bad now and People don’t understand the tiredness I’m experiencing.

I have a 5 year old, he doesn’t know what happens but knows y gets really tired, I feel bad because I can’t do all the things I used to do with him because I’m no tired the time, my partner is great but I can’t help feeling like I’m missing out on my little ones life 

Hi Clair - wow, going back to work within a week is probably unheard of, lots of people aren't even out of hospital at that point!  Hopefully you a have a good relationship with your boss, because it's vital that you start to communicate with them, you really need to give yourself some sort of break.  You are using so much precious energy on working, parenting and recovering, there's little left for helping the brain to repair.  Your body is telling you that you're tired, your brain is crying out for a rest.  Listen to your body and try to make some adjustment to your working hours/days.  This will only be for a temporary period but it will pay dividends in the long term.  

This may sound a bit negative, as you clearly like to be busy, but it is meant with kindness and good intentions.  Even now, one year on, my husband just 'closes down' when he has overdone it.  This makes it impossible for him to function.  Fortunately it sounds as though you have dodged that bullet, but if you want to continue to dodge the bullet, please plan in some time for your brain to rest and re-wire.  You deserve some quality time because it sounds as though you haven't been able to allow yourself this special requirement.  

I've just re-read the post, and hopefully it doesn't sound too harshsurprise.  I just want to send you good wishes, and hope that others on the site will be able to give you advice, as they know all about the fatigue that accompnies stroke recovery.

Take care, xx

Just read your post, I am amazed that you were back at work after a week, following your stroke. As previous replies have said, you need time to relax and your brain to recover. I had my stroke 3 years ago and even now still get fatigued. If you are struggling with your work load, then you.really need to speak to your boss. They have a duty of care and have to accept that you need time to recover from the stroke

Hi, it doesn’t sound harsh at all. 

Thank you for the advise, thankfully I do have a good employee. 

When I originally went to hospital the doctor told me I could rerun in 3 days, but I couldn’t feel my arm so they did more tests and discovered I had had 2 strokes. I think I went back so soon because I did t want to face the reality, and I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so bad, no one really explained what was happening to me! 

Thankfully I’m more in the loop now, but lately I have been feeling worse and wors, so think it is time I had a chat with my employer.

thank you again 

I hope you continue to improve Clair, glad to hear that your employer is good. We all need a good rant at times, it sounds strange but it does help. Wishing you all the best with your recovery

Hi Clair - I feel that your doctor was rather reckless to suggest such a speedy return to work.  I wonder about their knowledge of stroke!!  Anyway, it sounds as though your boss will be approachable, and you'll be able to negotiate more favourable working hours.  They will surely be glad to have you even if it's part-time for a while to re-gain your mojo!!  

Very best wishes xx

well, as  is said often,  all strokes are different. I had an occupational health assessment 7months after my stroke and 4moths after discharge from hospital  it was the earliest I was physically and mentally able and looking back I wish I had delayed it. but I couldn't afford to. it has been incredibly really took the best part of a year to get back to being in any way effective. and I was almost restructured out of my job.  really demoralising on top of  the immediate work on recovery  I have not recovered. I am disabled. it has taken a long time to accept that. stroke is not like an illness its a major injury  survivors don't recover quickly. and as many contributors here testify, it changes you. and for work colleagues this is as hard to understand as it is for the survivor themselves. I have experienced frequent low level but very real  discrimination at work as a disabled person. it is not personal, but institutional. hard to deal with but real. I don't have answers, or even much comfort except to share my own strategy which was to  just keep turning up. and let people think what they will.


I agree with you Tony. I had my stroke 3 years ago this month. Now classed as severely disabled, which after leading an active life, it is hard to come to terms with. I would have never classed my self as severely disabled or even disabled but the establishment does. When I had my work capability assessment for esa last year the assessor basically never work again and I am not quite 50.

Hi Tony - it's hard to hear that you didn't have a great time returning to work, people can be very insensitive and sometimes downright cruel.  Stroke is not a lifestyle choice, no-one wants it to happen.  The people who lack empathy and understanding could one day find themselves in a traumatic situation and in need of the kindness that they have failed to show.  You are so strong to have managed to keep going through that situation, whilst trying to recover from your stroke - you are stronger than those who make things difficult - respect to you, xx

Hello Clair, like you I've just gone back to work (after 7 weeks), I must admit when I first came home from hospital, I didn't think I'd go back until some time in the New Year. Like you say everyone sees you looking good on the outside, but it's what's going on in the inside also, that's so important.

You're still young enough  to cope, much better than an oldie like me. IMO,I think you're putting your youth as a positive outlook( together with looking after your young son)as a can do attitude, which maybe physically you can, just, albeit through tiredness, and of course it's mentally exhausting and challenging. Yes maybe you should have given work a few more weeks?(and explain any difficulties  you're currently having  to your boss).

I think being reasonably young will get you through all this, remember you have a long life to lead, it's not over yet!


Hi Claire, I'm 41 and have another week off work, that will make it 4 weeks since my stroke. I work nights and am really concerned that I'm not going to be able to stay awake. I go to bed at the moment when my daughters (6 & 3) go to bed and am glad to. I have no outward signs that I had a stroke but after chatting to a lovely nan on here I've realised that I will be tired and that's OK, like everyone says, listen to your body x

hey thanks for that. 

I do appreciate it. it is the support from others that  keeps me at it. I liike yoour comment  about it not being a lifestyle choice, I will remember that. 


Apologies pressed wrong button, thought report meat a response to question. Deeply sorry.

I worked for sainsburys i had 2 strokes last june i ended up with drop foot and a rigth hand i couldnt use afer telling my family they would support me not to rush back 12 weeks later i was dismissed u should never rush agter this think of ure self and ure family u need support and understanding not intolarance sorry to bang on 

Hi Dawn

Don't worry, I have corrected this :) 


A very interesting read, it takes a long time, and i still feel tired after 19 years, it does get very frustrating at time, but you must learn to be paytient, i can emagine that the little one is very demanding, but you must try and slowdown a bit.

Hi Claire firstly to need to worry about having a rant!  We all need to do that, WOW back to work after a week, that really was too fast, you need to listen to your body its telling you to slow down, what you don't want is another stroke.  Talk to youre boss and ask to see someone from occupational health, who will be able to make life at work easier for you.  If that fails go back to your doctor and take some time off to rest.  I too was a on the go all the time person, yes I am older than you, I told my boss I would be back in a few weeks but I have only started back in September after a full year.  I still only work part time. 

Talk to your collegues tell them how you are feeling and that stroke fatigue is not just being tired, the more you communicate with them the more they will understand.

Good luck, we are all here to listen.


That's OK! I did report someone for being offensive the other day by accident ?

Hi Clair

Post stroke fatigue can be debilitating so you definitely need to talk to your employers and seek some support. If you're concerned about whether they will believe you or not, you could forward this leaflet to them so they have a greater understanding of stroke and how it can affect someone -

You may find this leaflet useful as it goes into detail your rights at work -

A good quality of life is important and being able to spend time with your family - it is important to find a balance, as well as dealing with fatigue so please do speak to someone and get some support.

Take care


Hi Clair,  back to work after a week!  That is amazing, too soon but amazing!  I returned to work after 10 weeks and now think that was too early. I certainly understand what you  mean about other people not understanding what is going on with me. 

My answer has been to write a blog ( nothing profound  but I find that it helps me. If nothing else it has helped me to make sense of what has happened.

I wish you nothing but good things.  All you can do is to keep going, there is light at the end of the tunnel, it is just that all our tunnels are all different.  Do what is right for you, keep talking to your friends and family.