We are a couple in our sixties, recently retired with plans to do a bit of travelling.
A few months ago my wife had a stroke. It was minor. No cognitive loss, some physical and ataxia issues. 2nd stroke 6 weeks later. Same issue but nothing worse.
NHS services have been great. All the usual medications and therapists.
However my wife has had her anxiety return BIG TIME. She has no drive or motivation.
Whilst I have experience helping her through her anxiety and related issues we have always had kids, jobs and a social life to provide distraction and some relief. Jobs and kids are gone and the social life is rapidly evaporating. We barely go out and when we do it’s for perfunctionary stuff - GP, dentist, shopping etc.
Her medication has been upped and she is meeting a counsellor and other support stuff.
It’s just so hard to see a way ahead. She doesn’t like me going out for long but spends a lot of time sleeping.
Thank you for sharing your background and reasons for joining this community which I am sure you will find helpful and supportive.
I personally do not have anything specific to offer at this moment in time, but I am sure some of our regular contributors will drop by soon to share their experiences and knowledge to help you and you wife to enjoy a long and happy retirement.
Your wife has just gone through 2 brain traumas, albeit “minor” they are still traumatic to the brain and it needs time to repair, with lots and lots of rest. Because it takes a huge amount of energy to do those repairs. The first 6mths you see the most recovery, after that it slows down but doesn’t stop.
So for the moment the brain is only running the most vital of emergency services while it mops up and does some major repair work. Your wife’s brain can’t cope well with lots of activity, crowds, loud noise for at least 6mths. I’m afraid it’s going to be a very simple, quiet life for your for the next 6mths to a year, depending on the extent of her strokes. So all activities are going to be in small bites, I bet just going to the GP or dentist takes a lot out of her doesn’t it? That’s brain fatigue!
I’m 4yrs post stroke now, and socially I’m active again, I also go to the gym several times a week, go on holidays, potter in my garden etc etc. But I can do all that because I can now better manage the fatigue. No, I can’t pack as much into a day as I did before the stroke but I can do enough to enjoy life, I certainly don’t feel like I’m just existing.
As for anxiety, we all felt much the same way after our stroke on here. It’s only natural for her to feel that way after having 2. Hopefully that ease as she recovers and you can help by being patient and understanding. Life as you both knew it is not over, it’s just going to be different. Recovery is a marathon not a race, I’m afraid, it takes time and patients.
Good morning @JiminyCricket and welcome,I hope you find this platform as useful as it is proving to me.
I echo what @EmeraldEyes has said. I too got off very lightly from the point of physical issues, but the fatigue some days and the reluctance to have to exercise the brain with social interactions, resonates.
I am a very sociable soul but find conversation for any length of time tiring and pay the price the next day if I try and battle through.
Anxiety especially health anxiety has been a real problem for me since my husband had a heart attack (I’m a retired nurse!).
Lorraine is right, there will be improvement but we worry buckets expect too much of ourselves.
The first few weeks after my stroke I had one or two sleeps a day and yes, it is difficult to disentangle what was necessity because of need after the brain shock, and how much was a mini escape from the anxiety.
I wonder where you are getting your support, this is so tough for you as well as your wife. When a situation is out of our control, like illness, all we can try and do is adapt and maybe look at what we’ve got at present differently, and live each day. I was going to say plan for when things are better,but any mention of things in the future I couldn’t manage now, is hard and scary for me and may be for your wife.
Your wife’s anxiety has come and gone in the past by the sound of it and no reason why it won’t settle again in time.
I understand your concern and possibly an element of frustration but my mantra is tomorrow will be different, it may not be better but the fact things change shows that progress is possible.
Fatigue is very common at this stage of stroke recovery. Don’t push your wife to do too much.
Would your wife go to a stroke support group ? Your gp or the Stroke Association should help you find a local group.
Welcome to the community, I’m sorry to hear of your wife’s stroke and the anxiety this is causing her.
As a few people have mentioned already, anxiety is common after having a stroke. It’s still fairly new and fresh for yourself and your wife so this may take some time and patience. We have some information on our website about anxiety which may help your wife, you can find the information here.
I hope you’ll find the community helpful and if you need anything whilst you’re using the Online Community please don’t hesitate to tag me using the @ symbol and my username.
Hi @JiminyCricket and a big welcome to our community. We are a merry band of stroke survivors who have all suffered different types of strokes and are all on very different roads to recovery.
So sorry to hear of your wife’s stroke and the issues she is struggling with.
Stroke, whatever type, is a traumatic experience for everyone involved and sadly causes anxiety and fatigue for most stroke survivors in some form or another.
Hopefully her medication will help once it kicks in and speaking to a counsellor will help to ease her anxiety.
I can clearly remember being very anxious and nervous about venturing outside of my comfort zone but I’m pleased to say that I definitely enjoy getting out and socialising regularly with friends and family. I even enjoy meeting up with my girlfriends , as I did regularly before my stroke 7years ago. My Psychologist once said to me “Your life will never be the same but you can still have a good life, just a different one”.
Unfortunately stroke recovery is a long and difficult road and you will both need patience and perseverance. Things will improve slowly but try not to take on too much too soon.
One thing both my husband and I found very helpful was attending a Stroke Survivors support group locally to us. It was attended by a variety of people, both carers and families of stroke survivors. We both gained so much from speaking to others who were dealing the same issues and difficulties we were.
I wish you both well and would say be patient and above all, be kind to each other.
@JiminyCricket just popping by to say hi & welcome to the community. Sorry to hear of your wife’s strokes. These are life changing events for both of you.
I echo everything that everyone has already said. Fatigue after a stroke can be awful & it does limit activities. Some find it eases quickly others find it can take much longer. It’s a case of learning to manage it. This means limiting things for a while and starting to reintroduce them gradually. I found I slept more than I was awake initially. I could sleep 12 hours at night & then sleep 3 or 4 times in the day too.
It sounds like she is seeking the help she needs for her anxiety & in time that shpukd ease.
I understand the long recovery and the fatigue. I encourage an appropriate level of activity and exercise (in line with the Community Physio). I share that activity but also encourage her to use a dog walk as a social time with friends. To say it is not a problem would be an over statement but it’s not causing angst for either of us in isolation.
However the anxiety has introduced a whole new set of issues. Complete loss of appetite and food. Previously we shared shopping and cooking. She is capable of walking around the supermarket but can’t/won’t do it as the food makes her feel worse. So I shop and cook. Even getting the food choice right is a challenge as she cannot tell me what she fancies.
In addition motivation to do exercise is low. I can get her out for a dog walk but no chance of her using our garage gym which the physio thought was perfect for her rehab.
Socialising is limited and, last week, she commented that she didn’t like me going out to do some of my usual activities. Shopping is OK as that is short but a cycle or a game of golf heightens her anxiety. I don’t expect to be free to do what I did before the stroke but I need something other than sitting in the house surfing the web.
Medication has all been adjusted and she has started counselling although that hasn’t really helped in the past.
It’s important that you have time to do things for yourself as not taking time out will ultimately impact the care you can provide your wife.
Maybe try building your timexaway from her gradually. In the early days after my stroke I was really anxious about my hubby leaving me but knew he had to go back to work at some point. He’s self emoted so no work no pay. He started by putting things around me within easy reach that I might need. Then he’d go outside for a bit, then he started going out longer but popped back regularly. Then he built up to half a day at work etc etc.
Hopefully as time moves forward her anxiety will reduce.
This must be so frustrating for you, and my suggestions may be totally unsuitable considering your wife’s mental health issues.
Is it you not being there or a fear of being on her own I wonder.
You have explained that you are socialising much less,so I hesitate to ask if your wife has a friend who she would value as company while you went out for a round of golf.
Alternatively where I live we have volunteer carers who usually visit once a week or fortnight to allow you to have a few hours to your self.
Ann’s suggestion of gradually building up your absence time sounds a good thought and you could so easily start to feel resentful if a solution can’t be found. Wendy
