I’m in a really difficult situation and could use some advice. My 23-year-old partner had a major stroke three weeks ago due to a blood clot. I’ve been supporting him in the hospital, helping him regain his speech, but his family seems to dismiss the progress he’s making.
On his birthday, I arranged a small celebration at the hospital, including a cake I made. I shared photos of our morning together, as he wanted me there to help him with his physio. The nurses also brought a cheesecake, and we all sang ‘Happy Birthday.’ His family was planning a separate celebration later that evening with a professional cake.
Now, I’m facing criticism from his family, who feel I overshadowed their plans. After the party, sensing the tension, I told my partner I’d leave and return later to avoid any arguments on his birthday. Later, I heard that he had collapsed during physio and that they blamed me, even though the nurses were happy with his progress that day.
The family is now making it difficult for me to see him. I even obtained a carer’s passport to spend more time with him, but they had it revoked. I bought him an iPad so we could stay in touch, but they’re trying to control when he can call me. He was making such good progress with my support and gets upset when I leave.
To make matters worse, I currently live with his family and haven’t been back since they ambushed me, accusing me of turning him against them and claiming he said he wants to move out and hates his mum—none of which is true. What should I do?"
This is a tough situation, and it sounds incredibly stressful. Remember to take care of yourself during this difficult time. It’s important to prioritize your well-being while you navigate these challenges.
@eurydice So you are not married, just living together?
His family are being protective, which me as a stoke survivor understands. I can see this from all angles. Speak to his family tell them how you feel, don’t bury your head in the sand and stop blaming each other., this will only give your stress. Fix it as you will regret if anything awful happened and you did not. Your boyfriend is a baby he is only 23. I have two daughters in their 30’s and I can imagine how his family are feeling. Talking will help. Good luck for the future to all of you The adult way forward is to talk.
I cant give relationship advice & as you said it’s a very difficult situation. However, my impression is you all may benefit from having a mediator be it stroke nurse, Dr or maybe the stroke assn coordinator (if they do this sort of thing)? You appreciate i can tell that everyone should be pulling together and maybe everyone focus on this and not who’s right and who’s wrong.
There is nothing right about the situation stroke is indiscriminate and cruel. I am constantly encouraged and amazed by everyone on this group it’s full of amazing brave and courageous people. We all have overcome or are overcoming - you will too and talking here is a big step to that.
I don’t feel ive been much help - i dont know everyone involved and im definitely not a counsellor but I am sure you will find a way and hopefully in time that will be everyone United. Adversity can bring out the best and let’s face it this is definitely a massive adversity.
Sorry to hear, last thing needed post stroke is messy situations but I experienced it too with extended family and can only speak from a survivors point of view, having said that, not to sound flippant, but three cakes in one day shows a lot of care from all sides (not sure about cheesecake though), it’s a shame it all clashed. It’s not my place to offer relationship advice, personal or family, but I always think of the title of Gerald Durrell’s book, My Family and Other Animals when I think about the complicated relationship we share with our own family and extended family. Stroke can put an awful strain on relationships, indeed, the separation rate is higher post stroke than it is for those who aren’t in that predicament, it sounds like everyone is on high alert at the moment and your partner’s stroke, being so recent, is perhaps causing emotions and temperaments to rise beyond their regular levels, this may calm down once he is out of hospital. Hospitals tend to raise emotions just by proxy of being hospitals. Things may soothe once he is at home and care needs to be shared. The iPad is a good idea, to stay in touch. Maybe compartmentalise your time with him so there is less friction with his family because he will no doubt appreciate you being with him when he returns home and isn’t in the care of nurses and other hospital staff.
