We have tried, the doctors have tried, he is refusing to have a drip. His vital signs are not good but not serious. His sugar levels are all over the place, he has anemia he has no interest in anything all he does is stay in bed and sleep. It’s his mum im worried about too she is 83 and she is so worried she’s not sleeping. Her daughter also had a stroke last year but she’s not behaved like this she is doing really well and now slowly back at work. We planned our future and now there’s nothing. He waited 20 years for us to be together and now it feels like it was for nothing. Im really hoping this is just a phase he is going through and that 1 day he will wake up and pull himself together and fight before it’s too late.
3 Likes
It must be so tough for you all to see him like this. Let’s hope that it is a phase and he’ll start to realize that if he doesn’t start eating and doing things that he will just get a lot lot worse. You’ve probably already tried it but sometimes a bit of tough love is required and you have to be completely blunt and honest with him about how it is affecting everybody else as well. It could be that his anaemia is making him feel really rough and that is something that can be treated but only if he’ll allow the treatment of course. I really really hope that things take a turn for the better for you all.
Take care
Ann xx
3 Likes
@Maymay - Ann is right and I think this might be one of those times. It’s worth a try, but if he has made up his mind then there is nothing you can do and the doctors cannot do anything if he has the mental capacity and is choosing not to have the drip and help.
It is tough on everyone, especially his Mum as no parent likes to see their children suffering no matter how old they are. But in the end, I think we too have to accept that it is the individuals right to choose and as long as they are aware of what they are doing, we do have to respect their choice whether we like it or not.
I would add that if this is really what your partner wants then as hard as it is, it might be time to accept it and try and comfort him as much as you can. It won’t be easy on anyone including your partner who I am sure is not making this decision lightly.
I hope things work out for you all.
3 Likes
Aye, it is good advice, for some it works and others it may not. I had tough love from my partner, largely, due to her personality. I had to sink or swim and I chose to swim. Years later, it made matters worse that she’d had a stroke herself and to this day is still better off 
while I still struggle but tough love can be effective. Living away from my partner but still being together means I don’t crave as much support and will struggle on my own and find my own rewards as opposed to giving in.
3 Likes
Been to see him again and no change. The physiotherapists have been round and he still has no interest in trying he just lays in bed with the blanket over his face. Im trying to stay positive and hope that he will snap out of it once the antidepressents kick in but i doubt it. I think this is mentally as he keeps saying he wants to go home but won’t do anything about it. I don’t know wether to take a step back and not go and see him for a while as i saw my grandsons deteriorate and i can’t watch another loved do the same but then if anything was to happen i would regret it. I just don’t know what to do anymore iv’e tried everything with him.
1 Like
So sorry that things continue to be difficult for you. It is so difficult to watch someone going through this. Ultimately he is the one that has to start to make the change and if he won’t then there isn’t much you can do. It must be awful for you. I really hope when the anti depressants kick in that things start to turn a corner.
If you are finding it really difficult then taking a day oe two off visiting may be a good idea for your own sanity as you are just as important in all this. Perhaps a visiting rota so there will be someone there who can alert you if you need to get there. The hospital would normally let you know as well.
Sending you much strength and best wishes
Ann xx
2 Likes
Hello Maymay - I really wish I knew what to say, but I’m at a loss 
All I can say is you are doing your best and you can’t do more than that. I echo all that Ann @Mrs5K says and in particular, you do have to give yourself a break. It is important you do not forget you need your sanity.
Does your husband like music?
Maybe he has a favourite band or piece of music that might help him. Music has healing powers and you can play it to him - he will hear it even with a blanket on his head.
Wishing you all the best.
2 Likes
Hi all just a quick update. Over the weekend my partner has started to eat and drink a little bit, they are only bits at a time but in my eyes it’s a huge step. Every bite and sip he takes is a bonus then hopefully the next stage will be getting him mobile. Hopefully he is turning a corner no matter how small it is. I understand he has a long way to go but every little bit he does i am hopeful he will start to fight this again.
3 Likes
This is wonderful news Maymay.
Please continue to support and encourage him.
Let him know how well he is doing and let him know how pleased you are to see him eating and drinking again.
Remain positive and and I am sure the corner has been turned.
Well done for your perseverance. You deserve a pat in the back and a huge hug
:
:
2 Likes
That is great news. It is definitely a move in the right direction. Hopefully he will now get stronger and stronger each day x
1 Like
Hi all just an update on my partner. He has stopped eating again and refuses to take his medication. The doctors, dietician abd mental health team had a chat with him and told how serious it can be if he doesn,’t eat and take his medications e.i organ failure and we know whats comes after that. After the doctors went i had a chat with him and he said “ i need to start eating don’t i” i said yes. I said “your son needs you at home he’s not coping, he’s 18 soon and i’m sure he will want to celebrate it with his dad he’s only going to be 18 once” i didn’t know wether or not i should of said that as part of me didn’t want him to blame himself for what happened and another part of me wanted to say it hoping he will pull himself together and start fighting, he thinks he is useless i told him “ you are not useless you are poorly” after our chat he has promised me he will start eating so we will see in the next few days. He did take his medications in front of me so i’m hoping this will be the start of him pulling himself together but you can never tell but i will not give up on him, he may never be the same again but to me he will always be mine, no matter how hard and tough it gets i’m not going anywhere.
2 Likes
Sometimes a bit of tough love is needed so hopefully the chat with the drs and your conversation afterwards has done the trick. If he wants to see his son celebrate his 18th then he needs to start eating & taking meds etc. No harm in you having told him that.
I’ll keep everything crossed for you that he starts eating again and takes all his meds.
Stay strong. As you say he may never be the same again but he is still the person you all love. And with hard work he can start to become that person again.
Ann x
2 Likes
@Maymay - stay strong.
These things happen. Keep encouraging your partner.
Sometimes the body needs a rest and that is probably all it is - stroke recovery is very draining and it’s a double edged sword since you need energy to recover but sometimes you lack energy to recharge and so all you can do is rest.
Maybe your son can provide some encouragement?
Take care.
1 Like
Hi all an update on my partner. The doctors have discovered that there is a small blood clot in the front of his brain. They are certain that the location of the blood clot is sending him signals and telling him not to eat which explains a lot as he likes his food. They are certain when it dissolves he will start to eat again. The doctors said that his ketones and bloods are fine and they are tube feeding him and giving him vitamins injections and hoping to start him on some physio in the next few days. I feel guilty now thinking he was being fussy and awkward about not eating now i know the real reason and know it’s not his fault it’s his brain. I’m still hopeful and still staying positive that eventually when this clot dissolves that things will start to turn around slowly. My partner has promised me that he is not giving up which is a relief to me it’s just the eating part thats the long part atm. I just hope this clot will dissolve soon so i can see my partner as the man i know he is even though he may never be that person 100% again but you never know every person/recovery is different. It’s a very long journey but if my partner gets back to half the man he was it’s worth the wait and patience after all as they say all good things comes to those who wait and i will wait for as long as it takes no matter what happens i’m going nowhere, we are partners for life no matter what yes it is very hard but i will not let this distroy us.
2 Likes
That sounds more positive & now they have identified the issue things can move forward for you all. Hopefully the clot dissolves soon and he’ll start to get back on track.
These things take a while but every day that passes is one day closer to him getting back to his old self again.
You’re doing amazing too and don’t forget to look after yourself as well.
3 Likes
Maymay - there is no need to feel guilty. You are both doing amazingly well and the identification of the blood clot that is sending signals is great news. I am sure soon it will dissolve and your stroke recovery journey can progress onwards and upwards.
Take care.
3 Likes
Hi iv’e been to see my partner ans he is now on medication for the blood clot so hopefully it will dissolve soon. He was a bit more alert today and talking in between dozing on and off. He managed to sit in a wheelchair for over half an hour and we are now allowed to take him outside in between tube feeds for 10/15 minutes but no longer but it’s a start. He even asked for some cake which was so nice to hear as he hasn’t asked for anything in a while but he can’t have any atm. Im hoping he is starting to turn a corner even though he still has a long road ahead of him but i’m starting to see small changes so hopefully this clot busting drug is doing the trick and he will slowly start to improve and start eating and moving again.
2 Likes
This is great news.
I am sure everything will be fine.
The clot buster will do its job and your partner is already out and about, wanting to eat cake and chatting.
Dozing is normal and many stroke survivors sleep a lot which helps them recharge physically and mentally.
Excellent. Take care and don’t worry, everything is going to be fine 
2 Likes
That’s all really positive. It will be a long road ahead but those “little” changes you describe are actually really big changes.
Hopefully it won’t be too long tilk he gets his slice of cake.
Best wishes
Ann
2 Likes
Hi all after all the struggles my partner has faced over the last few months sadly tonight he passed away. He fought to the end but his body couldn’t take anymore.
2 Likes