My Mum's stroke


I have always looked at my Mum as someone who defied her age.She was often told by doctors and physios that she was much younger than her age.Very independant and kept her mind sharp.She was planning on climbing a 'munro 'mountain with me this summer.Then a couple of days after her 86th birthday on June 14th she had a stroke in her appartment. She lived in a complex of appartments for older people with on site carers. What happened in those couple of days is a constant torment to myself,her son.We had regular communication.I spoke to her on the 12th. The last text I had was on Tuesday 15th evening. As I was having my 2nd jab on the Thursday that's all I could think about.By Friday morning after no text replies from my Mum I phoned up the reception of the complex asking them to go and check on her.I got a call back from one of the carers saying that they and the paramedics were with my Mum now.Everything seemed surreal.

I have since worked out by looking at her mobile ,she made a call on Wednesday, that the stroke must have happened sometime on Wednesday and she was found on Friday morning. I fully realise that if I had raised the alarm earlier then the extent of her stroke would not be as bad as it is now.Most of us would turn back time if we could.

My mum has been in the closest hospital in Crewe,since then. The stroke had developed into a bleed. She has never recovered her swallowing,having had a nasal tube in for a long time.She has recently had a peg tube fitted into her stomach.She can only sit up right with the help of two nurses. Her speech is very garbled but she can respond to very simple instructions.I have only been allowed to visit her once for a one off visit.Since then thet have not allowed any visiting due to covid restrictions at this hospital.I phone up every couple of days to be given very limited up dates on my Mum.

She is now about to be discharged and I have been told she has " no rehab potential ". I will never give up on my Mum  and hope that she will get some kind of rehab outside of hospital. She will most likely go to a nursing home that can deal with stroke patients. I am told this will be continuing health care and her needs will be assessed.

I would be grateful if anyone with similar experiences could get back to me.



I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. When things like this hit in our lives we all look back and think 'if only' but you musn't think like this as it's not your fault.  Strokes are cruel and strike us when we least expect it. There are no warnings and they leave not just us but the victims' families with such feelings of hopelessness.  Although you will grieve for the person your Mum was before the stroke and yearn for those days to come back, your Mum will be given all the specialist care she needs in the nursing home in order to help with her recovery.  Sorry this must sound not much help to you at the moment but I didn't want to read and 'run'. 

Dear Martin

so sorry to learn of Mums stroke.

To be of benefit, you need to get a stroke survivor in to a stroke unit within four hours. But after that the timescale isn't likely to harm a great deal. Not sure about the stroke turning in to a bleed. I think you either get a clot or a bleed. 
I know this doesn't help Mum, but it might confirm that you have done the best you can.

when I was in hospital (I didn't make the four hour deadline) I really did not want visitors. I hated visiting hours. I just wanted quiet. I am certain the staff will know exactly how to care for Mum, far better than you or me.

I have noted that a lot of medics are now saying the patients will not improve. When I was in hospital they encouraged us all. A lot. I think it's a concern of being sued. If they say things can improve and then they don't, then they might well get sued.

the lack of visitors helps the patients. I recall just how disruptive visitors were. The staff would avoid certain visitors. So they weren't with the patients. Hhours every day spent with the visitors rather than the patients. I was next to the staff area and I saw just how bad the influence of visitors became.

as long as mum knows you care, your physical presence won't mean a great deal. So please don't beat yourself up.





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So sorry to read about your mum's stroke. She sounds like a fiesty lady so I believe she has potential to improve with spirit like that. There's a great book called Had a stroke? What Now? by Tom Balchin that's worth getting to help you understand what's happened and what to expect. 

Hello Colin

I would like to thank you for those kind words of encouragement. I will never give up hope about my Mum improving. She is about to be discharged to a nursing home closer to where I live in Stockport. The hospital tell me the only 'rehab goal' is for her to be able to sit outside in some kind of wheelchair. I hope that there will be some kind of ongoing help for her swallowing and speech. 

If the medics can deal with the swallowing, that would be a big step forward. The speech thing, aphasia, can ease if Mum wants to recover. I had aphasia but, thank goodness, I didn't have the swallowing issues. I really enjoyed the hospital food which isn't like me !

my speech became reasonable after six months. And as good as I need after two years.

my brain won't recall the words I need, but at least my mouth will say whatever my brain can muster.

I am not the person I used to be. We all change and you have to accept that mum will be a changed personality. 

that's good that mum is somewhere you can get to. Hopefully in the Cheshire countryside. 

a good goal is that mum gets out of bed each day. I would lay on the settee on bad days, not go back to bed.
The physios supervised my first steps, the big thing was I was determined to walk. Then one physio supervised my shaving and washing. Then supervised me making my own breakfast.

my cat has been around since year one, 2016, when he adopted me and Rosemary. Having a cat to care for is a big deal. He accepts me as I am, unlike humans who try to prove I am the same as before stroke, which I am not.

say hello to mum from me and get a smile from her




Hello Pamela, I will look for that book. I will always believe that she will improve 

Thank you