My husband had a stroke on Christmas Day in the morning. He has epilepsy and at first when he collapsed I thought it was a seizure but it did not look the same and I called for an ambulance straightaway. He has real problems with speech but that has improved a little after a couple of days. Though he can move his arms and legs his body is so weak he cannot stand, walk or sit up. I joined this community to try and educate myself for what seems to be a very long and difficult road ahead. He only went for his MRI scan today (the day after Boxing Day) because of the Christmas holidays so he has not actually had any treatment apart from a big dose of aspirin. I do not know what to expect or how long he will be in hospital. I want my darling husband back and am willing to do everything I can to help him, but it is so devastating to see him this way. I hold myself together when I am with him but I cannot stop crying when I leave him. I am frightened and feel very alone. I donāt know how I am going to care for him.
Hello @Yvie
Welcome to the community although we are all very sad when we get a new member .
There are things that we have said many times before and we have included them in welcome post
Youāre right that generally itās a long road. Timescales to get a reasonable idea of what is happening are normally months. Although recoveries can be significant they can also take significant amount of time .
Others will be by to say hello soon. I do recommend the post above to start the adjustment process but reading through the very many other posts that are here will be helpful to you too
You will doubtless have many questions to ask as you travel this road. The community here is very empathetic and has travelled our various variations on the journey many times. Youāll get more idea if you read more and search with magnifying glass above for keywords
Ciao
Simon
@Yvie Hi & welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear your husband has had a strokeā¦not the Christmas present you wanted iām sure.
Hopefully now he had had his MRI the drs will have more of an idea on what caused or what type of stroke he has had. Once they know that theyāll have more idea on how to treat him. Aspirin is a first line treatment that most of us get then they may add other meds in.
Itās probably too early to know what to expect yet or how lobg heāll be in. It is different for everyone & will depend how badly he is affected, the progress he makes & whether heāll need adaptations at home etc.
Stroke recovery can be a long road & you need to prepare for that but a lot will depend on his determination. It sounds like he will have plenty of support from you & heāll need all of it iām sure. Remember to look after yourself too though. Thatās really important.
Use the time now to take stock & process what has happened. If you need to cry do. Give the Stroke Association helpline a ring & talk to them about hiw you are feeling & what support you can get for your husband. You donāt have to do it all yourself. They also have plenty of publications that you can look through.
Keep popping back here & asl any questions you want to. Thereās usually someone who can help.
Wishing you all the best.
Ann x
Hi I feel your pain as I am a stroke survivor and have had to be cared for and know the devasting effect it had on everyone as I donāt remember anything of my I was struck down suddenly the morning of the 7/10/22 with a hemmoragic stroke living alone I would of definitely died had my daughter that rung me on the phone whilst I was talking to her I started to have my hemmoragic stroke couldnāt hear couldnāt speak she called round after ten mins and I was in full swing and could of died had she not come round (my late hubby had sent her Iām sure) I spent a month in hospital in a coma for a week and looked after very well and now have most senses back but suffered a very traumatic experience one I wouldnāt want to go thru again in a hurry! I was a carer for 44 years and understood strokes as had cared for folk who sadly had suffered them so took care of myself when I finally came home after 3 months ā¦ Iām hoping your husband is being seen by the stroke team the OT and caring staff who are helping massage your hubbyās stiff leg arm if he had one every day stretch his fingers out get a stress ball into his hand and if he can gently squeeze as many times a day as he can stretch his leg in and out I used to
Do this and sleep with my hand under the pillow and lay on it to keep it from curling as it wanted to do that too. Try these and really hope he continue to improve and tell him you love him everyday that will keep
His esteem up hope Iāve helped a little take care 
He feels what you feel, in an equal and opposite way. Thatās why he is twice as strong with you. You have to be strong for him, and together you will pull through. He will not give up with your will to live added to his own. For now he has survived the stroke, and difficult days lie aheadā¦ but in time he will settle, and eventually his smiles will return.
Good luck, Roland
Thank you. I will always try to be strong for him. His epilepsy has been very challenging over the last few years and has worn down my resilience somewhat but I know whatever I feel it is much worse for him.
Thank you so much yes you have helped, it makes me feel less isolated and just someone being kind makes me feel better. I phoned the hospital reception this morning because I could not get anyone to answer the phone on his ward and was told off because I was not meant to phone the ward before 11am, I didnāt know that and her tone was so abrupt and rude I promptly burst into tears. I think I can care for him but I need somebody to help me to do it well rather than bumbling around not knowing whether I am doing the right thing for him. I had to learn how to care for him for his epilepsy on my own and that was trial and error as I had no support and little information from anyone. I suppose it is ignorance that makes it scary, if you know what you are dealing with and what to do you donāt feel so helpless.
Thank you. It is good to know there is support available here.
Thanks for your response, it is reassuring to know there is information and support here.
Hi Yvie and welcome to our forum. So sorry to hear of your husbandās stroke. We are a merry band of stroke survivors and their carers and families. Hopefully we can help to make your tough journey ahead a bit easier at times.
I am posting as a stroke survivor and cannot imagine how frightening being the partner of the stroke survivor is, I know only too well how frightening being the victim is. Itās unbelievably hard on everyone. Try to be patient and kind with each other, which will be difficult at times.
You will find lots of information on here, as explained above. Feel free to jump on here with any questions you may have and thereās always someone willing to help or offer advice.
Iām 6 years post stroke following a hemorrhagic stroke which paralysed my left side and my husband and I were devastated in the early days. After lots of physiotherapy and different treatments, I am pleased to say that although I still need help, Iām walking with a stick and enjoy lots of the good things in life. We holiday abroad every year and have a good social life with friends and family.
My husband is my carer and has been amazing throughout this journey. Although things have been tough for both of us at times, I can honestly say this has brought us closer.
Whilst in hospital my neuro Psychologist said, āyour lives will be different but you can still have a good lifeā. Jump on here with your questions and concerns and someone will be here to help. Look forward to hearing from you when you feel ready.
Best wishes for the New Year and remember to take care of yourself.
Regards Sue
Hi Yvie
I know exactly what you are going through, as Iāve walked in your shoes three years ago with my husband.
Those first few days leave you in a place where you donāt know which way is up, down, left or right. I found keeping a video diary helped me. A place I could share my thoughts, rant, rave, cry and shout. It gave me a little bit of clarity, focus, perspective.
One of the things I learnt was in order to care for Simon, I had to take care of myself. Not easy, I know and I was also told not to feel guilty; that was a revelation, a huge weight taken from my shoulders.
Unlike you, I didnt know where to find help and felt completely at a loss. It was also during the first lockdown, so wasnāt able to see him much.
It is going to be a long journey but weāre here for you, just shout and someone will hear you 
Hi @Yvie and welcome, pull up a sleigh and the ride through Santaās grotto of horror with us, your husbandās stroke day is the same as mine 2yrs ago Christmas day for me.
It will get better! With time, patients and understanding, you will get through this together. And you will always have us to fall back on when you need information, a shoulder to cry on or somewhere to scream and rant and take out your frustrations. Trust me, we wonāt take offence or be upset because we have all been through it.
This forum is a mine of information, no two stroke are ever alike but we do share some common traits. So take your time and read through others posts, use the search bar 
up in the corner to search for anything specific. In time, it would also help your husband to come on here too, but that could be anything from 6wks to a year from now before he can manage that himself, only time will tell.
Also you can phone the Stroke Associationās helpline. From there you can get help and advice in preparation for when your husband comes, the sort of questions you should be asking your husbandās doctor at the hospital such as his care package for when he does come home. Youāll find their number at the top of their webpage https://www.stroke.org.uk/. And thereās also their Weekly volunteer calls - Here For You service for some one to talk to and just listen.
There a lot of information here to be mined, but donāt overwhelm yourself with it, it will still be here whenever you come back to it, so digest in small portions 
And most importantly of all Take Good Care Of Yourself, donāt feel selfish about just do it. You are not Super Woman you are human like the rest of us. Your husband needs you fit and healthy so no need to feel guilty about it. Take time out, take frequent breaks, go for walks, go for a coffee with a friend, go for some retail therapy now and again. Just be sure to take time out for you! Youāll get through this, we always do 
Hi @Yvie
As well as the welcome post 40 things to know: what would you underline add or delete might also help you to appreciate some of the challenges
Ciao
Simon
Hi @Yvie
So sorry to hear of your situation.
Iām not very knowledgable in medical terms but Iām a stroke survivor and I know I wouldnāt be as well as I am without my wife behind me.
I know Iāve taken some huge steps forward and good few back but over time there is progress if there is support and determination.
Very best wishes to you and your husband.
Gavin
Hi i am sorry to hear your husband had a stroke its always really heartbreaking to hear.
No stroke is ever the same and recovery is different for every person. I had my stroke in june 2021 and i recovered quickly i could talk and 5 days later could walk but from then onwards it was a very long hard dark journey.
With experience i longed for family to understand what i had and was going through i felt noone understood or cared bout me i had never felt so alone.
You need to encourage your husband and try to understand his journey but importantly look after yourself too. It is a long journey and two years later im unable to work ive lost my confidence i have poor memory i have fatigue its a list of what stroke has left me with thats hidden to everyone else but i no ive changed my lifes changed.
Keep coming here keep asking for advice and support big love and hugs to you and your husband 
Sharon @Shazz15
Hello:) I know youāve been āhereā since August But we only really get visibility of folk when they first post 
so a belated welcome.
Yes! I agree with your words above - So much of what we suffer after stroke is invisible to those who donāt properly understand because they need something to witness in order to be aware of showing of the internal and psychological aspects
As well as the physical healing there has to be acceptance of the unavoidable deficits and then adjustments
I hope now youāve made a couple of posts on sharing your journey
Ciao
Simon
Hello @Yvie my husband had a stroke on 17th December. It was terrifying and devastating and i felt sick constantly and am fearful of the future. Hes still in hospital and is showing signs of progress he has feeling back in his left side but not been out of bed yet. We are 12 days on and the initial devastation has calmed down and we are now focusing on every little positive we get. I have found its a real emotional rollercoaster not knowing how to feel from one hour to the next. Seeing him so vulnerable is so hard. People told me the early days are the worst and it will get better and honestly it really does. You will settle into a new albeit horrible routine but as the days go on you will start to see signs of recovery. Try and take care of yourself. I stopped eating and sleeping and i started having panic attacks that made me feel physically ill to the point i thought i was going to have a stroke (maybe a result of the trauma) but youll reach a point where you have to look after you to be able to be strong for your hubby. This forum has really helped me to focus on the positives. I also write a diary of everything that happens it will help you see how much progress is made. I wish you lots of love and strength and i wish him well for his recovery xx
I am sorry you are going through this, and your husband x
I have to say this group has helped me no end. Firstly knowing that I am not alone in this. I had my stroke this time last year. I did not know anythingā¦ I just woke up in hospital and been told I had been there for weeks.
The best thing for him, in my opinion, is just to be there. For you, you need support too. This group is great but I wonder if there is something locally for you. We all need a friend, but a friend who knows about strokes will help both of you - even if it is online xx
All the best
Hi @Shazz15 just wanted to welcome you to the forum. Iām sorry youāve had cause to join us but itās a good place to be, hope to see your around 
@Shazz15 just popping by to add my Hi & welcome. Sorry to hear you are still having issues. Itās the ones that are hidden that seem to cause the most problemsā¦or thatās what I think.
Best wishes
Ann